My scathing review of the LWYMMD music video

Good morning my beautiful readers, Nat is back once again with more news about everyone’s favorite conniving snake Taylor Alison Swift. Today, I’m going to talk about her music video Look What You Made Me Do, which debuted during the VMAS when Katy Perry hosted (what a petty ass bitch). I’m going to do a very in depth review of the music video (It won’t be a very positive review shocker). Also, I’m going to talk about Tay and discount Usher aka Zayn Malik buying that VMA award for their awful song. Let me get that review started for you guys:

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Just last night, Lord Voldemort debuted her new music video Look What You Made Me Do during the VMAS:

Here’s my review of the video:

I love the fact that she’s dead at the beginning of the video lol (If only she had been that way for the entire video lol) and also really Tay at ripping off Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Really bitch really? MJ is currently rolling in his grave right now, because of that and Tay, you will never be iconic like MJ no matter how hard you try. Moreover, really referencing your sexual assault case in the video? Bitch, the trial wasn’t even that long ago and lots of sexual victims still have traumatizing flashbacks of their trials, so you doing that was not only disgusting and sick, it shows that you not only didn’t care that sexual assault victims found you inspiring and a role model for sexual assault awareness, but that you used the case to launch your new era/brand and for that you can kindly go fuck yourself, cunt. Furthermore, I just love the fact that everyone is loving the video (Yes seriously, there are actual idiots that are loving this basic ass redundant video) despite the fact that she’s making fun of Kim Kardashian getting robbed in late 2016. Listen, I despise the Kardashians as much as the next person, but making fun of a woman who was fearing for her life while not only her personal belongings were being taken from her, but also her safety was a very shitty move on her part. Like Tay, Kim didn’t even poke fun at you getting sexually harassed by that DJ and yet you poke fun at her robbery smh. More on the video, Tay sat awkwardly on a throne where there were some words on both sides of the throne that read, “Et tu Brute”. If you don’t know what that that means, it’s a line from Julius Caesar and the line talks about a friend stabbing you in the back. Tay, that line makes 0 sense since everyone and their mom knows that your so called squad are all of your fake friends, so Tay shut the fuck up about faux friends stabbing you in the back. Also, nice try with the Mean Girls reference. BTW, really with the serving tea references in the video? You’re already telling us shit we already know so what was the literal point of that reference? Similarly, smh at the Katy Perry shade. Like, get over it already, so what if she stole your dancers, she probably paid way more than you did (knowing how greedy you are, it has to be true) and they’re probably having way more fun with Katy than they did with you, because everyone knows you have the personality of a wet paper rag. Also, what was up with you looking like a discount Gwen Stefani in that one part where you were in a cage? You want to rip off Gwen now too, wow didn’t think you could sink any lower, but here we are. Presumably, bitch I knew you were going to rip off Beyonce, but really taking the baseball bat and Formation and ruining it with your basicness? You should be ashamed of yourself smh. Anyway in the next shot, we have Lord Voldemort running a very Nazi and Death Eater like group called Squad U oh dear. I actually really liked this part, because Tay finally confirmed it to us that she really is a Lord Voldemort/Hitler type of leader when it comes to her death eater nazi faux friend squad. So, thank you Tay for that part in the video, because you finally confirmed our speculations about your crazy self. Moreover in the next shot, we ironically see the cunt with fake robot people. The reason I say this is ironic, because she’s just as fake as the robot fake people that she laid with so once again, thank you Tay for confirming that your personality is just as real as your boob job. Futhermore in the next scene, we see Lord Voldemort with her token black faux friend Todrick Hall (this idiot is as pathetic as he looks smh) and they with a group of male dancers do a discount awful version of the Single Ladies dance (and dumbasses call Tay an original artist smh) and after they dance, they all rip off an “I Heart TS” shirt and if you don’t know about the irony behind the shirt it’s this: Last 4th of July, when Tay was fake dating her ugly ass beard aka Tom Hiddleston aka Uncle Creepy, his contract required him to wear a shirt that said “I Heart TS” on it and it was one of the most embarrassing publicity stunts ever. The irony of Todrick and her other male dancers wearing the shirt is because, all of those guys are gay lol. So, thank you once again Tay for exposing that you and Tom were in a contractual fauxlationship lol. Consequently, the next scene shows Tay standing on a mountain of her former selves which is also very ironic, because she’s still acting like her old self, so bitch nice try at making us think you’ve gotten rid of your old self when it’s basically obvious that you haven’t lol. The very last shot (thank god it ended geez) shows Taylor standing with her current I mean old selves and they’re all arguing, because this is probably what Tay does in her bathroom mirror every single morning lol. She also wore the shirt she wore in her terrible You Belong With Me video with her death eaters faux friends’ names on them (Why the hell was Ryan Reynolds’ name even on the shirt? He clearly hates her lol). I am finally done with this review and that’s all folks omfg.

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BTW, I love how Todrick (who hasn’t seen Tay since November 2016 lol) appeared in Tay’s video after promoting this shit:

Todrick also has this movie coming out later (probably straight to video on demand lol):

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Also, it’s very coincidental that Todrick was in the video before all of these events:

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Moreover, Shawn Mendes decided to namedrop Tay by saying this shit shut up Shawn:

You aren’t the only one excited about Taylor Swift’s new music — Shawn Mendes is too!

Speaking with E! News at the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards this weekend, the “Mercy” musician revealed that he’s really excited about her forthcoming album, reputation.

“It’s bad ass,” Shawn said about her lead single, “Look at What You Made Me Do”.

He adds, “I’m really excited she’s coming back. I’ve missed her.”

If you remember, Shawn opened for Taylor’s 1989 World Tour in 2015.

SHAWN, I KNOW YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO PROVE YOU’RE STRAIGHT, BUT IS THIS TRULY THE WAY?

Also if you guys didn’t already know, not only did Shawn open up for Lord Voldemort back in 2015 for her 1989 tour, but they’re both Universal Music Group artists:

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Now onto discount Usher news oh dear:

If you guys don’t know Taylor and Zayn’s teams bought the VMA Award for their awful song I Don’t Wanna Live Forever:

Zayn Malik just made history at the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards.
The 24-year-old British crooner took home his very first Moon Person with the help of Reputation singer Taylor Swift, whom Malik shared his Best Collaboration win last night (Sunday, August 27) for their daring duet “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever,” off the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack.
While this isn’t the artist’s first VMA win in his career—One Direction has earned four as a band—the achievement marks the very first time a former 1D member has ever claimed the prize as a solo artist.
In March 2015, Malik announced his departure from the quintet and made his first foray into solo territory with his debut solo effort, Mind of Mine, which debuted at No. 1 on the US Billboard 200 Albums chart upon its release.
Congratulations, Zayn! (And Taylor!)

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After that, Zayn went onto Twitter to tease his new music (like this shit wasn’t planned omfg):

WILL HE ACTUALLY RELEASE NEW MUSIC OR HOLD IT OFF?

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That’s all for this post. Gosh, it took me 50 years to write that review. But, really at all of the dumb bitches who are loving that video. What would you do if someone made fun of you getting robbed? Like, what’s the matter with you idiots. Are you guys blind or something? BTW, I love that she still considers Flopena Homez one of her faux friends when Tay didn’t even support Flopena in rehab and Flopena booking a Woody Allen film during Tay’s sexual assault trial (oh shit wow lol). Ironically, isn’t Flopena producing or faux producing, because everyone knows she doesn’t actually produce that show 13 Reasons Why? Which is about sexual assault, so it’s pretty ironic that she’s working with a child molester while “producing” a show about that controversial subject. (Doesn’t Woody know she’s box office poison and doesn’t he know about her drug problem? I hope that doesn’t affect filming lol). Also, Tay you may have fooled everyone else into thinking you’ve changed, but you haven’t fooled me bitch. I’m going to continue to keep an eye on your shenanigans and whatnot. I cannot wait for you to slip up again and make a dumbass mistake, because your 8-13 year old fans will be shocked, but I will be sitting on my throne and laughing at those peasants and saying, “I told you bitches!” Moreover, I cannot wait for your interviews where you fake cry and talk about everyone in the public rightfully turning against, you because I will be seeing right through your deceitfulness and fake persona and keep on exposing you on my blog. Furthermore, wow and smh at Zayn and Taylor actually buying that VMA just to prove everyone loved their horrible song and that Zayn is actually doing well outside of One Direction when it’s clearly the opposite. Also, lol at him using that bought award to promote his new music that he may or may not release knowing his messy track record. I’m leaving now everyone, but I’ll be back sooner than you think!! Bye bye for now!

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Lord Voldemort’s weak vocal chords have unfortunately slithered back into our presence

Good morning bitches. This is Nat officially back with more news about everyone’s favorite conniving snake bitch Taylor Alison Swift. Sorry, I’ve been away I’ve been so busy with Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel, but now I’m back with some juicy deets about Mrs. White Feminist. Today, I’m going to talk about her releasing her awful ass song into the public and I will be analyzing it while of course shading it in my review lol. I’m also going to talk about why Peter Pettigrew aka Lena Dunham “supported” Tay during her sexual assault trial (how ironic right?). Let’s get this release party started:

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1st things 1st, I’m going to talk about Peter Pettigrew ironically “praising” her death eater boss during her sexual assault trial (smh hypocritical bitch):

DIDN’T THIS CUNT MOLEST HER SISTER WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER AND THEN PUT IT IN A BOOK OF HERS?

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How ironic that she “defended” Tay before the trailer for this show came out:

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Later on singer Pink decided to choose sides in the Taylor vs Katy fight for some odd reason:

Pink is busy promoting her new music and she was asked to pick a side in Taylor Swift and Katy Perry‘s feud.

The two pop stars have been in one of music’s biggest feuds for the past few years after Taylor accused Katy of stealing dancers from her tour.

So, whose side is Pink on?

“Taylor? Is that OK?” Pink told KISS FM UK. “You can’t win no matter what you say, anyway. Everyone wakes up offended.”

Katy recently has said that she is “ready to let it go” and that she is “sorry for anything I ever did.

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Also, let me tell you why Pink namedropped Tay:

Not only is she promoting a new song:

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Look what record company she’s a part of:

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Moreover, less than a week after her sexual assault trial, Tay began putting some snake videos on her Instagram and ofc people were questioning whether or not she was teasing some upcoming music:

GEEZ I CAN TEASE A BETTER SINGLE THAN THIS BITCH

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Later on, on August 23rd, Lord Voldemort finally released the title of her upcoming album: Reputation oh dear:

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I’M SHOCKED THE BITCH DIDN’T GO WITH RESURRECTION OR SLITHER

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After that. Tay announced she was releasing the sneak peek of her music video on Good Morning America oh lord:

WHY OH WHY AND ALSO WHAT IS UP WITH HER FACE IN THAT TWEET/ALBUM COVER?

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ALSO, ISN’T THIS KIND OF MESSED UP THAT SHE’S DOING THIS AFTER BEING ON TRIAL FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT NOT TOO LONG AGO?

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Furthermore, Tay finally released her 1st single Look What You Made Me Do (Oh dear, what’s the next single? I’m telling? lol):

WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE LOVING THIS SONG? THE CHORUS SOUNDS LIKE FUCKING I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT AND SHE FUCKING SAMPLED A SONG FROM MEAN GIRLS OMFG

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If you guys are wondering why I’m saying that the Mean Girls sampling is ironic is because of all of this:

If you don’t know, back in 2014, when Tay was promoting 1989 in Rolling Stone she subtly shaded Katy:

In our September cover story, Taylor Swift explained the inspiration behind her then-unheard song “Bad Blood,” telling Rolling Stone that an unnamed female artist had crossed her one too many times. “For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not,” she said. “She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away and I would think, ‘Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?'” Swift went on to hint at a business-related dust-up that led her to believe “we’re just straight-up enemies.” When the article hit stands, speculation swirled and eventually landed on one Miss Katy Perry, who wasted no time in tweeting, “Watch out for the Regina George in sheep’s clothing.” The Mean Girls-themed mixed metaphor seemed pretty blatantly about Swift, and gossip sites quickly pointed to an incident in which three of Perry’s backup dancers for the California Dreams 2011 tour were given spots on Swift’s Red tour after Perry’s had ended. While out with Swift, Perry’s people allegedly reached out to the dancers asking if they’d want to return for the star’s upcoming Prism tour, which would require them to leave Swift’s early. The dancers ended up defecting to Perry, Swift unfollowed them on Twitter (these are things that Taylor Swift fans notice) and a once-seemingly-cordial relationship between the two biggest pop stars in the world apparently turned ugly fast.

Katy then tweeted this:

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Moreover, you guys remember when Mean Girls writer and stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler rightfully shaded Lord Voldemort at the 2013 Golden Globes and Tay immaturely telling the comedians to go to hell right:

https:///www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEt1DFv49aw

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BACK TO THE SONG NOW, WHY DOES IT SOUND LIKE SHE’S DOING A REALLY BAD JENNIFER LOPEZ IMPERSONATION ON THE SONG?

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Tay also decided to promote her upcoming terrible album by promoting it on an actual Taylor Swift magazine (not kidding):

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WOW SHE’S AN EVEN WORST MODEL THAN HER FAUX MODEL FRIENDS

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Also, Lord Voldemort even said that the old Tay is dead cool story bro hahahhahhhahahhaha:

Taylor Swift is clearly ready to start a new era with her album Reputation and she says in the lead single, “Look What You Made Me Do,” that the old version of herself is now dead.

The 27-year-old singer talks about the “little games” that someone she doesn’t like has been playing and how she “rose up from the dead.”

During the bridge of the single, Taylor speaks out a presumed voicemail answering response, saying, “I’m sorry the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, ’cause she’s dead!”

Taylor also repeats in the bridge, “I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me, I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams.” Some fans think that she could be referring to a battle within herself with this line.

WHAT DRUGS IS SHE ON AND WHAT KIND OF LYRIC IS I DON’T TRUST NOBODY AND NOBODY TRUSTS ME?

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ALSO, HOW IRONIC THAT SHE SAYS THAT SHE’LL BE THE ACTRESS STARRING IN YOUR BAD DREAMS WHEN THIS CLIP EXISTS:

LIKE BITCH WE ALREADY KNOW YOU’RE AN AWFUL ACTRESS, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO REMIND US

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After Tay dropped her awful single, Nicki Minaj reportedly shaded Tay on Twitter:

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Tay later announced this oh dear:

REALLY DURING THE VMAS WHEN KATY IS HOSTING YOU PETTY BITCH

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That is all for me folks. But, I’m not finished with Tay just yet, my friends. I will be analyzing every single song on that upcoming terrible of hers and exposing the truth my friends. But, really Tay? What kind of song title? I knew you were you immature, but I didn’t think you would stoop this low. BTW, I feel sorry for all the people who supported you during your sexual assault trial, because they unfortunately got fooled by your faux America’s Sweetheart persona you love to put on. Moreover, I saw that Tay was releasing her album on November 10th and if you guys don’t know why that date is significant, it’s the 10 year anniversary of Kanye West’s mother’s death. Tay, if you fucking chose that date on purpose to release your album (Which I wouldn’t even shocked by, cause I know you paid your faux token black friends to defend your nonexistent ass after Kim and Kanye rightfully exposed you last year) then you’re as sick than I thought you were, you fucking cunt. Furthermore, speaking of pettiness, you fucking released your single a mere 3 seconds after Katy Perry released her music video for Swish Swish. Really bitch really? Get the fuck over it already omfg. Like, Katy fucking moved on why can’t you? This is why everyone thinks you’re a whiny immature spoiled brat. But, gosh I cannot wait for her whiny woe is me interviews during the promotional tour for her new album. $5 she fake cries everytime she talks about how awful it was that the public turned their backs on her. Everyone will be fooled ofc, except me though I’ll be seeing right through her faux Mother Teresa act. Also, oh dear this means she’ll be doing more ridiculous and chemistry void photo ops with her beard Joe Alwyn (Can’t wait for that……NOT!) Goodbye everyone and I’ll be back to analyze the awful music video (BTW why does the outfits look like discount Beyonce wtf). Bye bye now!

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I’m finally back with more news about Lord Voldemort, her death eaters and her ugly beard!

Hello bitches. Guess whose finally back with more news about everyone’s favorite snake cult leader Taylor Alison Swift aka Lord Voldemort? If you guessed me, you’re definitely correct, my friends. Sorry, I’ve been away guys, I was in California and I was at Warner Brothers Studio & Comic Con! I unfortunately didn’t see Uncle Creepy aka Tom Hiddleston though. But, gosh imagine if I had I would’ve reminded him so much of his past fauxlationship with that cunt lol. Anyway, enough about that asshole now, this is about Lord Voldemort’s ridiculous tales. I’m gonna talk about everything that has been happening from late June to late July. A lot has happened for instance: Katy Perry rightfully shaded the bitch, Haim needed some attention for their terrible album and so they name dropped their death eater boss, Flopena Homez needed some promotion for her awful song that is currently flopping and so she called up Lord Voldemort to help her promote it (how pathetic btw lol and yet people call her one of the most popular singers of this century lol cool story bro) and she finally steps out with her ugly ass beard Joe Whats-his-face again and my gosh are the pics one of the most awkward ass photo op pics I’ve ever seen. Let’s get this back from vacation party started:

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On June 8th, Katy Perry opened up in an interview about how Tay tried to assassinate her character:

“No one has asked me about my side of the story, and there are three sides of every story: one, two, and the truth,” Katy said (via EW). “I mean, I’m not Buddha — things irritate me. I wish that I could turn the other cheek every single time, but I’m also not a pushover, you know? Especially when someone tries to assassinate my character with little girls [her fans]. That’s so messed up!”

THAT’S RIGHT KATY! SHADE THE BITCH!!!!!

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The next day, Lord Voldemort did one of the most petty, ridiculous, immature and hypocritical things ever: She released her entire music catalogue on all streaming services (Yes, including Spotify) on the same day as Katy dropped her new album Witness:

Taylor Swift just hit a major milestone so she is celebrating tonight by doing something special for fans!

The 27-year-old singer will be releasing her entire back catalog on all streaming services tonight (June 8) at midnight.

“In celebration of 1989 selling over 10 million albums worldwide and the RIAA’s 100 million song certification announcement, Taylor wants to thank her fans by making her entire back catalog available to all streaming services tonight at midnight,” her official fan account tweeted.

Two years ago, Taylor wrote an open letter to Apple Music about why she doesn’t support streaming, but the company swiftly changed their policy and she forged a partnership with them.

Something to note is that Katy Perry‘s new album Witness will also be dropping on streaming services at midnight!

Taylor Swift‘s entire back catalog of music is now available to stream on Spotify and all other streaming services!

The 27-year-old singer famously removed her music from streaming services as she didn’t feel that artists were being paid fairly for their work. After writing an open letter to Apple Music, the company changed their policy and she forged a partnership with them, allowing the service to stream her songs.

Now, all other services like Spotify, Tidal, Amazon Music, and more have the songs!

Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, Taylor‘s music hit the streaming services at the same exact time as her rival Katy Perry‘s brand new album Witness.

I LOVE HOW THESE ARTICLES TALK ABOUT HOW SHE TOOK HER MUSIC OFF OF THESE STREAMING SERVICES AFTER SHE COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW SHE I MEAN ALL OF HER FELLOW MUSIC ARTISTS ALSO DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH EVEN THOUGH SHE I MEAN THESE OTHER ARTISTS HAVE ENOUGH MONEY ALREADY

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Moreover, former death eater token black faux friend Zoe Kravitz was on Watch What Happens live promoting her film Rough Night and revealed that she hasn’t seen Tay in a long time omfg:

WOW AND LOL AT ZOE JUST SAYING THAT SHE KNOWS TAYLOR AND NOT SAYING THEY WERE SPECIFICALLY FRIENDS ROFL

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Now onto some messiness with fellow death eater/Universal Music artist Lorde, death eater Lorde decided to name drop her death eater boss with some shade oh fucking shit lol:

Lorde is opening up about the difficulty of maintaining a friendship with her pal Taylor Swift, and used a strange analogy to make her point clear!

“It’s like having a friend with very specific allergies,” the 20-year-old entertainer told The Guardian about being friends with Taylor, 27. “There are certain places you can’t go together. Certain things you can’t do. There are these different sets of considerations within the friendship. It’s like having a friend with an autoimmune disease.”

OMFG SHE FUCKING COMPARED TAY TO AN ACTUAL VIRUS I CAN’T OMFG

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The next day, Tay made Lorde apologized I mean Lorde apologized on her own terms lol:

SOMEONE ISN’T GETTING THEIR PAYCHECK HAHA

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Furthermore, on June 22nd, Haim decided to get some promotion for their dumb album by name dropping fellow Sony artist Lord Voldemort lol in ES Magazine these dumb bitches haha:

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Alana Haim on possibly collaborating with pal Taylor Swift: “The door is always open.”

EW, JUST IMAGINE A COLLAB BETWEEN TAY & HAIM GROSS

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On June 27th, some awkward ass shit happened lol, Tay made a video message for NBA star Russell Westbrook and decided to make her video message all about herself ofc ughhhhh:

WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE SHE JUST LEFT THE DENTIST AFTER BEING ON ANESTHESIA FOR ABOUT 2-3 HOURS STRAIGHT

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On June 30th, Tay’s ex beard Calvin Harris decided to talk about why their contract expired yet again oh gosh ughhhhh shut up:

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Also, love how he name dropped her the exact SAME DAY his album Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1 drops (What kind of name for an album? Lol, did he rip off the Guardians of the Galaxy album? Haha.):

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Still on June 30th, according to Tay’s delusional fans, Tay was spotted heading to Rhode Island with her beard Joe whatever his last name based on these grainy ass pics omfg wtf lol:

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OH DEAR, TREE AND JOE’S PUBLICIST COULD’VE HIRED 2 PEOPLE TO PRETEND TO BE TAY AND JOE AND WHY ARE YOU GUYS BASING IT BASED ON THESE POOR ASS GRAINY PICS

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Also, the bitch didn’t even throw a 4th of July party lol. Guess no one wanted to come to her whiny immature bitch bash this year lol. I bet this is what her party looked like this year:

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Anyway, on July 7th, Lorde fucked up again by basically admitting that she doesn’t hang out with her fellow death eaters haha oh gosh lol:

Lorde has always been considered a member of Taylor Swift‘s squad, but it seems she is distancing herself from that idea.

The 20-year-old singer was asked how she copes with mixing in circles with her idols like Taylor Swift and Beyonce.

“The second you think too hard about it, you just go insane, so it’s best to be like, ‘We’re in wonderland. That’s just what happens around here,’” she said. “Also, I don’t hang out with these people at all.”

When the interviewer said she’s a member of Taylor‘s squad, she responded, “You know, you make friends in different places, but I think for the most part I’m not, like, calling my idols for advice necessarily.”

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That very same day, Lorde was then forced to apologize again unless she wanted her paycheck to be revoked lol:

Lorde is speaking out to clarify interview comments she gave that have been misconstrued into people thinking she isn’t friends with Taylor Swift anymore.

The 20-year-old singer was asked about getting to meet some of her idols and she said “I don’t hang out with these people at all.”

The way the interview video was edited, it almost sounded like she was talking about Taylor and her squad.

“Wow – something of a frustrating thing to have to address online but here we go. Taylor is a dear friend. I love her very much. In the interview in question I had just been talking about Bowie and Patti Smith – those were the ‘idols’ i was referring to that I was saying I’m not friends with, not Taylor!” Lorde said in her statement on Twitter.

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On July 13th, Tay was forced to promote fellow Universal Music artist Flopena Homez’s new awful single Fetish which is currently flopping btw so I guess Taylor Swift isn’t as powerful as everyone thought she was lol:

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ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS LOOK AND FACIAL EXPRESSION FLOPENA HAS ON THE SINGLE COVER? IS SHE FOLLOWING IN HER DEATH EATER BOSS’ FOOTSTEPS & TRYING TO RIP OFF LANA DEL REY NOW, TOO?

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On July 17th, an odd story came out about Lord Voldemort:

IF THIS IS SERIOUSLY TRUE, WHICH I WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST HER IF IT WAS LIKE BITCH YOU’RE EVEN CRAZIER THAN I THOUGHT LOL ALSO, I DIDN’T KNOW TALL ASS LANKY SNAKES COULD EVEN FIT IN SUITCASES

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On the exact same day, Tree I mean a source of Tay’s denied this story:

A photo agency, Splash News, made a claim in a photo caption today that Taylor Swift was being carried in and out of her apartment via a very large suitcase.

It turns out, Splash News had to retract the story and told Just Jared that they’ve updated the caption on their site.

“I literally just put the phone down from someone on Taylor’s camp,” a Splash representative told Spin. “We’re having to actually retract that.”

The photographer who made the claim apparently was “not really a regular photographer that we [Splash News] use[s].”

“The report stated it as a fact, which we actually don’t know,” the Splash rep continued. “How could we?”

OH TREE LOL

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On July 20th, some unexpected news came out about Tay and a certain artist whom I despise lol:

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK LIKE ZAYN WOULD WANT TO DO THAT SHIT AND THEIR SCHEDULES WILL NOT MESH TOGETHER SINCE ZAYN LIKES TO CANCEL LIKE 2 DAYS BEFORE HE’S ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO PERFORM OR EVEN SHOW UP SOMEWHERE

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Then on July 23rd, Lord Voldemort emerged from the smokes once again for a photo op in New York:

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IF I HADN’T SEEN THE 1ST PIC AND JUST THE 2ND ONE, I HONESTLY WOULD’VE THOUGHT IT WAS A VERY TALL BOY OR MAN IN THAT PIC LOL

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2 days after these Daily Fail pics, Lord Voldemort and her snake beard finally came out (no pun intended) of hiding for a romantic photo op stroll across New York (just kidding lol):

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JUST LOOK AT THAT AMAZING NONEXISTENT CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THESE TWO WOW LOL ALSO WHY ARE THEY DRESSED UP LIKE TWIN DEMENTOR BITCHES?

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That’s all for this post, but I’ll be back soon to report more about the cunt and her dumbass misadventures lol. Also can I just say how happy I am to be back writing this blog for everyone. I love telling and showing you guys the real her, that’s my favorite part about writing this blog for you guys. But back to our main bitch of the hour, at least we’re actually making progress with her, I mean, we got not 1, but 2 photo ops in New York!!!! BTW, this is actual proof that she calls the paparazzi like this bitch can go incognito if she wants to so swifties you guys can stop saying she doesn’t call the paparazzi when she clearly does lol. Also, I think she’s gearing up to drop a surprise album a la Beyonce. Also, if she actually rips off Beyonce, I hope the beehive swoops in & attacks the bitch. And, if you guys don’t know, Katy Perry is hosting the VMAS and I wouldn’t be shocked if Tay made a surprising appearance to take attention away from the host. Well, I’ll be leaving now people. But, I will be back to spill more tea about Lord Voldemort and her death eater tales. Bye people!!!!

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Spotted: Lord Voldemort staging a non existent chemistry photo op with her new beard

Good afternoon to my beautiful and amazing readers on this lovely Sunday afternoon. I’m back once again to report that He Who Shall Not Be Named has finally been photographed with her new beard Joe Alwyn. And, my oh my are they just the cutest faux couple ever. (Just kidding BTW, these two look as real as a knockoff Louis Vuitton bag). They were spotted in Nashville of all places. (Guess Tay wanted to change it up from Rhode Island this time, like what’s next bitch? Orlando, Florida?). Also, I discovered something about Tay and Joe’s REAL connection. I’ll just say it has something to with a very special company that Tay has lots of connections with. Let’s discuss the pics shall we?

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Just yesterday, the paps that Tay and Joe called photographed them discussing their plans for their fauxlationship on a balcony (WTF is this shit? Romeo and Juliet? Gross.) in Nashville:

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IDK WHAT’S WORST ABOUT THESE AWFUL PICS? HOW TERRIBLE TAY LOOKS OR THE FACT THAT THEY LOOK MORE LIKE SIBLINGS WHO ARE FORCED TO HANGOUT TOGETHER AFTER A HUGE FIGHT

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Now onto their actual connection:

You guys probably remember (or the people who actually saw the movie lol) Joe’s huge box office bomb Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk right?

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Well, I found out some things about the film: The movie was distributed by Tristar Pictures:

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A SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY HUH?

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Also, look what I found out too!

SHE SAW IT WITH FELLOW SONY ARTISTS HAIM OMFG

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I’m done with this post, but not this fauxlationship. This summer, I will be keeping a close eye on how this fauxlationship will unravel and what ridiculous piece of Tay Swift clothing Joe is going to wear to her 4th of July bitch bash (Let’s face it, he’s going to wear something hideous and awful, I mean he’s attending a Tay Swift party, it’s mandatory). But gosh, he’s already looking annoyed with her, like Joe you better set yourself straight (no pun intended) or Tay will extend the contract to another year. Don’t push your luck, kid. Also, if this is what Tay is going to keep looking like in her photo ops, I wonder how what’s going to wear the next time she calls the paps? Sweatpants? Pajamas? Like, seriously aren’t you rich af? Why do you keep dressing up like a homeless person? Also, do your hair geez you look like a 5 year old with that hairstyle. I mean, you are mentally 5 years old, but geez you’re nearly 28 years old! Put yourself together! Bye now people and I will see you all next time!

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He Who Shall Not Be Named has resurfaced & she has a new beard!

Good afternoon bitches! Nat is finally back to share with you some news about everyone’s favorite whiny drama queen Taylor Alison Swift! I’m so happy to be back to report that Lord Voldemort has finally come out of the closet (No, not that one! Silly people, she would never come out of THAT closet hahahahahahahhaha). She has finally come out of the closet she has been hiding in and she has finally resurfaced!!!!! I’m gonna talk about not only that, but the new beard she found in irrelevancyville! Also, I’m also gonna talk about her ex-beard Harry Styles supposedly writing a song about her lmfao and Katy Perry talking shit about her left and right and that song she wrote about her which she sang with Nicki Minaj (YASSSSSSSSSS!) Let’s get this return party started!

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On April 13th, some fans speculated that Harry’s new song, Ever Since New York is about Taylor oh dear why:

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Funny, how they think that the song is about Haylor when this was also happening at the time:

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Moving on now, on April 20th, Tay’s goblin of a faux friend Ed Sheeran was named one of Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People list (What the actual fuck!? How much did Ed pay for that honor lol) and Tay decided to make his news all about her, I mean congratulate her faux friend on his honor haha:

The 27-year-old singer penned an essay about him for Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People feature in which she said that Ed‘s “protected by an impenetrable and ever-present armor of enthusiasm that has helped him endure any setback, letdown or underestimation.”

“A few years ago, in a rare moment of admitting feeling defeated, Ed said to me, ”I’m never going to win a Grammy.’ Yes, you are, I said. You’re going to sweep the whole thing one of these years,” Taylor wrote. “It was a few weeks later when he met me in a dance-shoe store in London, where I was picking out rehearsal outfits, and said, ‘You have to hear this.’ It was a song he’d just finished called “Thinking Out Loud,” which went on to win Song of the Year at the Grammy Awards in 2016.”

She added, “Congratulations to my friend Ed, for the legacy you’ve already built and the brilliant hook you probably just came up with five minutes ago.”

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Funny, how Tay did this before Ed dropped the music video for his new song Galway Girl on May 4th:

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Moreover, something else happened on May 4th! Tay was forced to promote her faux friends/fellow Sony artists Haim on Instagram!

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Also, that same night, Tay’s faux friend Gaygi Hadid stopped by Tay’s apartment to pick up a paycheck from her boss:

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WHY DOESN’T SHE LOOK HAPPY TO BE PICKING UP A PAYCHECK FROM TAYLOR SWIFT? ALSO, WHO TF WEARS THAT WHEN PICKING UP A PAYCHECK, TOO?

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Ironic how Gigi is photographed going inside of her boss’ apartment before these 2 announcements:

Speaking of Tommy Hilfiger, the 22-year-old model recently renewed her contract with the fashion house to continue designer her Tommy x Gigi collection for two more seasons!

Gigi is a force in the fashion industry and the ultimate Tommy Girl,” Tommy Hilfiger said, via Los Angeles Times. “Her positive, down-to-earth energy and cool, effortless style continue to captivate her audiences around the world. I have loved designing the Tommy x Gigi collections with her and I look forward to continuing our partnership for another year.”

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Let’s move on now to May 10th: Some fans and some media outlets thinks Harry’s other new song Two Ghosts might be about Taylor considering these lyrics:

Same lips, red / Same eyes, blue / Same white shirt, couple more tattoos / But it’s not you and it’s not me / Tastes so sweet, looks so real / Sounds like something that I used to feel / But I can’t touch what I see / We’re not who we used to be / We’re not who we used to be / We’re just two ghosts singing in the…” Harry‘s lyrics read.

MMMM SAME EYES BLUE, SAME WHITE SHIRT & COUPLE MORE TATTOOS HUH

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On May 13th, a miracle happened! Lord Voldemort finally came out of hiding and it looks like she might’ve gotten ass implants (Or did she gain weight? You decide from looking at the pics).

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DID SOMEONE NOT WANT TO LOOK PUT TOGETHER IN FRONT OF THE PAPS SHE OBVIOUSLY CALLED? LOL, HOW PATHETIC. ALSO, I DO THINK SHE ACTUALLY DID GET ASS IMPLANTS, CAUSE JUST LOOK AT THESE OLD PICS OF HERS:

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Back to some Gigi news gross, Tay wanted to make Gigi’s Harper Bazaar interview about her by telling lies about how “great of a friend” Gigi is lol these bitches are so delusional:

“As a friend, Gigi is one of the first people I go to for advice. She has this incredible ability to see all sides of a situation and simplify it for you, to see the complexity of people,” the 27-year-old singer said of her 22-year-old friend. “Gigi’s #1 rule is to treat people the way she’d want to be treated, so she’s on time (or early) to work, says hello to everyone on set, asks them how they are, and actually listens to their response. She is an innately kind and inclusive person who has managed to become a huge power player and businesswoman without ever compromising that.”

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Also, how hilarious that Tay did this for her fellow death eater before this came out (no pun intended) for Gigi:

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WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING IN THIS PIC? LIKE, IS SHE POSSESSED OR HIGH IN THIS PIC?

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Now onto some desperate famewhore news: Tay finally found a new desperate and gay British actor to be her new beard!

Taylor Swift has been keeping out of the spotlight, but she might have a new man in her life!

The 27-year-old superstar is reportedly dating 26-year-old British actor Joe Alwyn, according to The Sun.

The rumored couple have been keeping the relationship under wraps by donning disguises while out together in Joe‘s hometown of London.

Taylor and Joe are the real deal, this is a very serious relationship. But after what happened with Tom Hiddleston, they were determined to keep it quiet,” a source explained.

They added, “Taylor has flown in via private jets and her security has made it a military-like mission to prevent her from being seen.”

Taylor has also reportedly been renting a house in North London while spending time with Joe.

We can’t wait to see when the couple will make their public debut!

OH GOSH, I SWEAR TREE KEEPS RECYCLING THE SAME STORIES FOR HER BEARDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AHHAAHAHHAHAHA BTW IF ANY OF YOU CARE THIS IS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE:

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OOPS! SORRY, WRONG PHOTO! THIS IS HIM:

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Also, doesn’t he look like someone we all know?

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Joe also looks a little bit like Tay’s younger brother Austin too omfg:

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WHY DOES TAY ALWAYS PICK BEARDS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY COULD BE HER BROTHER?

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Oh and I also found a video that was filmed back in October 2016 which proves that the stunt was in the works:

SO, WHEN THE DRAKE DEAL FELL THROUGH JOE WAS PLAN B OMFG

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BTW, A mere 5 DAYS after Tay and Joe’s publicists released the news about the fauxlationship, a new image from Joe’s upcoming film titled Keepers got released omfg:

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Also, on May 19th something great happened! Katy Perry finally released her new song titled Swish Swish featuring Nicki Minaj! After the song was released, people speculated that the song is in fact about Lord Voldemort! Have a listen people!

THIS IS MY JAM OMFG

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Ofc, Tay knew this song was all about her and got her faux irrelevant friends such Ruby Rose and Joseph Kahn to diss Katy on Twitter lol these dumb bitches:

NICE TRY BITCH, WE ALL KNOW YOU DO IT FOR THE PAYCHECK AND PUBLICITY. BTW, WEREN’T YOU LEECHING ONTO KATY WAY BEFORE YOU WERE LEECHING ONTO TAY?

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Funny how Barty Crouch Jr. was paid to defend Lord Voldemort before this film came out on DVD:

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DIDN’T THIS FILM JUST COME OUT IN JANUARY? WHY IS IT ALREADY OUT ON DVD?

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After that embarrassing publicity stunt, Ruby’s publicist made her apology:

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Joseph Kahn aka that irrelevant director who also directed some of Tay’s awful videos tweeted this:

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After that hot mess, Katy decided to shade the bitch by saying all of this:

“There’s a situation. Honestly, it’s really like she started it, and it’s time for her to finish it,” Katy began.

She continued, “I tried to talk to her about it and she wouldn’t speak to me…I do the right thing any time that it feels like a fumble. It was a full shutdown and then she writes a song about me, and I’m like, OK, cool, cool, cool, that’s how you want to deal with it? Karma!”

Katy added that she just wanted the drama to be done with but admitted that she felt she had to respond to Taylor.

“But what I want to say is that I’m ready for that BS to be done. Now, there is the law of cause and effect. You do something, there’s going to be a reaction, and trust me daddy, there’s going to be a reaction. It’s all about karma, right? I think personally that women together, not divided, and none of this petty bulls**t, women together will heal the world,” Katy said.

“I did try and reach out to her. I tried to do the right thing, the good thing, and you know, she shut me down and wrote a song,” Katy said.

Katy was then asked if she would pick up the phone right now if Taylor called or FaceTime’d and Katy replied, “Absolutely.”

“By the way, I am ready, because I think when women unite, the world is going to heal…I don’t have any beef with anyone. I love everyone, and honestly, I love everyone and I think we need to unite more than ever….We need to come together and love on each other today,” Katy continued.

LOOK, I DON’T LIKE KATY MUCH LIKE THE NEXT PERSON, BUT THERE WERE NO LIES DETECTED IN WHAT SHE SAID

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Just yesterday, Tay and Joe were reportedly spotted together jetting Tay’s private jet plane oh dear just keep recycling your fauxlationships Tay lol:

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I THOUGHT TAY WANTED A PRIVATE “RELATIONSHIP” WITH HER BEARD LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TAY?

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That’s it for this post. Wow, damn I wrote so much today lol. But, I had to inform you guys about Lord Voldemort’s huge return. Also, I wonder how long this fauxlationship is going to last, cause I can’t picture this fauxlationship going on for a year and a half just like the Calvin one. I just hope Joe doesn’t do anything to piss Tay off so that she could extend it for another year as punishment. Also, Joe doesn’t know what he signed up for like dude, I know you thought that Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk was supposed to be your Hurt Locker, but is this truly the way? Good luck with that flop movie career you’re going to have after the contract expires. Moreover, so basically what Tay and Tree are trying to tell us that Taylor not only “dated” 3 GUYS back in 2016, but that she also started “dating” Joe a month after her and Tom “broke up”. Like, Tay better not complain the next time someone questions her on how many guys she “dates”, like bitch you wanted the slutty pop star image, you’re getting it. Furthermore, I wonder what her 4th of July party will look like this time. Will she include clowns or even a guy doing magic tricks since she had that big slide last year lol. Also, I wonder what she will make Joe wear at her party? Jeans that has Taylor’s initials on the back or a Taylor Swift varsity jacket that has her bad lyrics on each arm? Can’t wait to report on that! Well, that’s it for me, for now anyway. Like I’ve been doing for the past year or so, I will be keeping a close eye on this fauxlationship and how dumb and immature Tay acts as well. I’m very happy to be back to report with you guys about the dumb bitch and goodbye now! I’ll see you all very soon!

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I review the rest of February and the beginning of March!

Omg guess what guys!? I’m finally back to talk to you about everyone’s favorite death eater leader Lord Voldemort aka Taylor Alison Swift. Today in her death eater adventures, I’m gonna talk about how her fellow death eaters have been name dropping her left and right. From Nagini aka Camila the cunt to Peter Pettigew aka Lena the Lard Dunham. Also, Ed Ugly Sheeran decided to unnecessarily name drop his boss in various interviews and Uncle Creepy aka Tommy Girl Hiddleston has been getting a lot of questions about his ex-beard (surprise, surprise). Let me tell you all about it:

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Before his awful Grammy performance, Ed decided to name drop Tay omfg lol how pathetic:

The 27-year-old singer’s close friend and former collaborator Ed Sheeran has revealed the extreme measures that Taylor takes to make sure her music doesn’t get into the hands of the wrong person.

“She would never send new songs, no,” Ed said in a new interview. “I hear them but it has to be with her.”

Ed even said that Taylor has people that will fly with music in locked briefcases so that certain people can hear the songs early!
“I remember when I did a song with her for her album, I was in San Francisco and they sent someone with a locked briefcase with an iPad and one song on it and they flew to San Francisco, and played the song I’ve done with her,” Ed said. “And they asked if I like it and I was like ‘Yeah’ and then they took it back, that’s how I hear it.”

DID HE JUST SUBTLETY REFER TO HER AS A CONTROL FREAK

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Also, how ironic that he name dropped her before his Saturday Night Live performance:

and you all know about the NBC and Universal partnership right?

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Moving on now, Frank Ocean decided to rightfully call out Tay winning over Kendrick Lamar at the Grammys last year:

Ok Ken (and David). As much as I hate to make you guys famous or even respond to you directly. We all die one day and you’re old so fuck it. Yea yea my 2013 performance at the Grammys was absolute shit. Technical difficulties, blah blah. Thanks for the reminder. Very much appreciated. Fuck that performance though. You think that’s why I kept my work out of the Grammy process this year? Don’t you think I would’ve wanted to play the show to ‘redeem’ myself if I felt that way? In reality, I actually wanted to participate in honoring Prince on the show but then I figured my best tribute to that man’s legacy would be to continue to be myself out here and to be successful. Winning a TV award doesn’t christen me successful. It took me some time to learn that. I bought all my masters back last year in the prime of my career, that’s successful. Blonde sold a million plus without a label, that’s successful. I am young, black, gifted and independent.. that’s my tribute. I’ve actually been tuning into CBS around this time of year for a while to see who gets the top honor and you know what’s really not ‘great TV’ guys? 1989 getting album of the year over To Pimp A Butterfly. Hands down one of the most ‘faulty’ TV moments I’ve seen. Believe the people. Believe the ones who’d rather watch select performances from your program on YouTube the day after because your show puts them to sleep. Use the old gramophone to actually listen bro, I’m one of the best alive. And if you’re up for a discussion about the cultural bias and general nerve damage the show you produce suffers from then I’m all for it. Have a good night.

GO FRANK OCEAN

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Moreover, Peter Pettigrew aka Lena Dunham was paid to defend her faux friend/boss for not speaking out the 2016 Election:

“I just think everyone has to do it their way. When I was lesser known, I was like, “Who could not share their opinion?” Then I found out that when you talk about politics, people straight up tweet you the floor plan of your house and say they’re coming to your house. You have to fucking watch it because people are nuts,” Lena told Rolling Stone.

“She’s been in the public eye since she was 15. I felt young when my career started and I was 23, 24. When I met her, she was newly 22, and she was a f*cking seasoned pro at this stuff. Watching the way that she understands the vicissitudes of the cycle, and she just keeps making her work, – that’s just really impressive to me. That’s how I hope to live my life, which is not as a slave to public opinion, but just as somebody who continues to make things,” Lena continued.
“She’s truly just an artist who has to make things to survive. I guess that’s what we have most in common. And she’s never not making music. If people know about it or they don’t, she’s never not making music, and that’s like, something that I’ve really watched with a lot of admiration. Because she’s been put through the ringer, and she’s continued to make her work. People who understand how to protect themselves but aren’t so beaten down that they can’t be creative – that to me is the greatest.”

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Also, it’s funny how Lena got a huge hefty paycheck for defending the bitch before the film for her new movie My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea Trailer debuted on the web a mere 5 DAYS afterwards oooh:

THIS LOOKS AWFUL AF, BUT IT’S A LENA DUNHAM FILM SO

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The day after Peter Pettigrew was paid to defend her boss, Nagini aka Camila the Cunt Cabello decided to name drop Tay in her Billboard Magazine interview lol oh gosh:

Cabello’s Florida friends, who all predate her appearance on The X Factor, reconnected for “Friendsgiving” in 2016 and FaceTimed an eighth-grade theater teacher who encouraged Cabello when she first got into acting and singing. She’s not much for going out: “I had a phase in Miami where I was like, ‘I’m going to do all the things I would do if I were 19,’ ” which she is. “I went [to clubs], and I was like, ‘I don’t love this.’ ” After our brunch in Los Angeles, she plans to meet Troye Sivan for coffee and then have him and Taylor Swift over to her Silver Lake Airbnb for some “chill stuff.”

OH GOSH CHILL STUFF HUH CAMILA AND YOU’RE A CELEB, WHY ARE YOU APPARENTLY “STAYING” IN AN AIRBNB HAHAHHAHAHAHAH

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Also, how hilarious that fellow SONY artist Camila the cunt name dropped her faux friend before this song came out:

MY DEAR THIS SONG SOUNDS AWFUL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT FLOP SOLO CAREER OF YOURS BITCH

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Also, Troye Sivan is a Capitol Records artist:

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And, looked what I found out about Troye lol:

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Also, Troye’s Out Magazine photoshoot came out THE SAME DAY as Camila the Cunt’s interview:

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Now onto Little Big Town ughhhhhh, one of the members, Karen Fairchild decided to say Tay will always be a, “Nashville Girl at Heart”, even though Taylor was born in Pennsylvania lol:

“She’s a Nashville songwriter,” Little Big Town‘s Karen Fairchild told USA Today. “When you write a song like “Better Man” top to bottom on your own with your acoustic guitar, that’s Nashville. She’s a storyteller. She loves country music. Her last record was more poppy but who knows? Taylor can do anything she wants to. And she will forever be a Nashville girl.”

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Funny, how Karen name-dropped Tay before their album came out:

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and also look what record label Little Big Town are a part of:

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Furthermore, Ed decided the name drop the bitch THE DAY BEFORE HIS ALBUM CAME OUT and this is what he decided to say:

“Taylor [Swift] isn’t going to be releasing until probably the end of this year – Christmas is the smartest time to release because that’s when everyone buys records. So I’ve got a full year of just all Ed, all the time,” Ed told the BBC.

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Also, he name dropped her before his awful IHeartRadio Music Awards performance a mere 2 days later lol:

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Now onto Lorde releasing new music and how Tay made it all about herself, I mean promoted her faux friend’s single, because they’re both Universal Music Group artists my bad: Tay decided to promote Lorde’s new single Green Light by doing this:

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Moving onto Uncle Creepy aka Tom Hiddleston being asked about his ex-beard lol:

Tom Hiddleston gave an interview to The Telegraph and was asked if he regretted his relationship with Taylor Swift, specifically with regards to “the publicity and gossip the romance engendered.”

The writer of the article noted that the 36-year-old “testily” responded, “What should I regret, in your mind? I would rather not talk about this if that’s alright.”

“I’m just thinking about this. Everyone is entitled to a private life. I love what I do and I dedicate myself with absolute commitment to making great art and great entertainment, and in my mind I don’t conflict the two. My work is in the public sphere and I have a private life. And those two things are separate,” he added.

EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO A PRIVATE LIFE HUH

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BECAUSE,

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YOU WERE SO

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PRIVATE LAST SUMMER THOMAS

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WITH YOUR

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RIDICULOUS SHENANIGANS

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Moreover, today Ed decided to tell the world in Rolling Stone that he not only slept with one of his other fellow death eaters (ewwwwww), he also talked about how he and Tay “always have each others backs”. BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

On hooking up with some of Taylor Swift‘s friends: “Taylor’s world is celebrity. I was this 22-year-old awkward British kid going on tour with the biggest artist in America, who has all these famous mates. It was very easy. … I would often find myself in situations just kind of waking up and looking over and being like, ‘How the f-ck did that happen?’”

Nothing can divide them! Ed Sheeran opened up about his close bond with BFF Taylor Swift in his new Rolling Stone cover story. The British singer, who just dropped his third album, Divide, first met the pop star when he opened for her 2013 Red Tour.

“I was on the most amazing f–king tour in the world. I was just living in a country that I didn’t belong in, in a town I didn’t really know anyone,” Sheeran, 26, told the mag. “She would be there if everything ended for me. Taylor is kind of an anomaly in that sense. She’s omnipresent because she’s the most famous woman in the world, so she can’t make the decision to not be in the press. I always stick up for Taylor.”

Swift, 27, became a fan when she heard his hit “Lego House” in 2011. “It just cut through everything else,” she told RS.

“It’s awesome meeting famous people. But that’s not life. That’s not reality,” Sheeran told RS. “One day this will f–king end. And I know the one person that’s going to remain constant is Cherry (Seaborn, his girlfriend). I should just enjoy this while it’s there, but not let it become my reality. Because that’s not the reality I want to live in.”

The “Castle on the Hill” singer feels the same way about Swift, even though they only see each other once or twice a year. “We’ve gotten matching Scottish folds, made each other arts and crafts Christmas presents, vacationed with our families, and had each other’s backs,” Swift told Rolling Stone. “He is the James Taylor to my Carole King and I can’t imagine a time when he wouldn’t be.”

OKAY, IF YOU CLAIM YOU 2 “HAVE EACH OTHERS BACKS” THEN WHERE WERE YOU WHEN KIMYE ATTACKED HER LAST JULY ED? AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE OTHER BULLSHIT YOU’RE SPEWING AND YOU BASICALLY ADMITTED TO JOINING HER TOUR FOR MORE EXPOSURE, DUMBASS

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Also, it’s funny how this interview came out THE DAY BEFORE he performed at his not so secret show in NYC lol:

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That’s all for the misadventures of Lord Voldemort and her fellow death eaters (for now). Oh gosh, is Ed taking lying advice from Lily Aldridge or something, because it sure seems that way lol. Also, I’m really starting to think that he’s in love with Tay like dude, she’s not into guys like go back to your girlfriend and leave Tay alone, oh wait you’re barely relevant without her so lol. Also, like I said before, I still don’t feel sorry for Uncle Creepy at all like he’s the one who wanted more fame and exposure, he got it like stop being annoyed about being asked about Tay, you idiot lol. Also, Lena, I know you’re gonna fade into irrelevancy once your stupid ass show finally says goodbye, but oh gosh you defending Tay is just making you look more pathetic than you already are lol. BTW, Camila get better PR training oh gosh like Tay has ever “chilled” in her 27 years on being on this earth lmfao, nice try bitch lol. Goodbye now and I’ll be back soon kids!

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My review so far of February 2017

Hello, hello, hello. I’m back again and it feels so damn good omg. I’m back to inform you of what’s been happening with our favorite white feminist Taylor Allison Swift in the loving month of February. I’m gonna talk about her terrible Super Bowl performance, her fake friends name dropping her and her former beard Tom Hiddleston spouting lies about him and Tay’s fauxlationship, oh gosh he’s getting more embarrassing and pathetic by the minute lol. Let me tell you all about it:

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On February 2, Tay posted a video of her rehearsing for her Super Bowl performance (thank god she didn’t take the main stage, now that would’ve been a huge disaster) and she also sang an acoustic version of her awful song I don’t wanna live forever:

SO FUCKING PITCHY OMFG

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Moving on, on February 3rd, Tay’s fake friend and fellow Sony artist Camila Cabello aka Camila the cunt decided to name drop Tay while promoting her horrible single Bad Things:

“We talk about love a lot and if I ever have any questions about love or if there’s anything that I’m going through at the time, whether it’s with a boy or with a friend, she’s a very good person to ask those kind of questions,” Cabello told The Sun. “She’s very knowledgeable about that stuff.”

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After that lying mess, Bad Things topped the pop song charts:

Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello crown Billboard‘s Pop Songs radio airplay chart with “Bad Things.” The collab climbs 2-1 on the list dated Feb. 18.

The track is the first leader (and first chart entry) for rapper Kelly. Cabello reigns in her second visit as a soloist. A year ago, she reached No. 10 with Shawn Mendes on “I Know What You Did Last Summer.”

GEEZ I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED?

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On February 4th, Tay sang for Houston (Poor Houston) for her Superbowl performance yuck:

WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING ON STAGE OMFG

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Also, Ruby Rose needed a job, because she’s already had 2 flops this year and so she DJd Tay’s show lol:

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THAT FAKE SMILE OF HERS I CAN’T

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Moreover, during the Superbowl stuff, Former Glee star Lea Michele decided to name drop Tay lol:

“There isn’t a day that goes by that Taylor Swift music isn’t blasted in my house. Right now, her new song with Zayn … if I play it one more time, I might combust,” jokes the star. “I love her. I was just talking to Emma Roberts about her the other day and we were reading the inside of her booklet for Red, and she has this amazing little excerpt she wrote inside about different kinds of love. She’s really an amazing songwriter and her music is just the best girl music ever.”

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After that randomness, Tay supposedly sent Lea flowers for her comments what the actual fuck lol:

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I HOPE KARLIE WON’T GET MAD AND I WONDER IF LEA AND TAY EVER TALKED ABOUT DIANNA AGRON

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Also, let me tell you the real reason why this all happened: Lea Michele is a Columbia Records aka Sony artist!

and you all remember who the queen bee of Sony aka RCA Records is right?

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Lea has also been teasing her upcoming album like anyone asked for a 2nd album from her in the 1st place:

Michele herself has been busy lately promoting her upcoming album, Places, which features some of her most personal music yet.

“[My] first record had a little bit of a heaviness to it and was obviously more of a pop-heavy record,” she explains. “For this one, I really just kind of went back to my roots and the music I grew up listening to. Where I’m at in my life right now, which is in a really happy, positive and inspired place, I wanted all of that to really reflect in my music.”

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Now onto Tay’s faux DUFF aka Lena Dunham name-dropping her, because her terrible show is finally ending yay and she has nothing else better to do in her so called career lol:

“I think that young woman…it’s so hard. I think about the relationships that I had in my early twenties and if they had been public, it would’ve been a disaster,” Lena said.

She added, “And also, I mean, not to repeat age-old feminist points, but it’s like you know, any male actor her age who’s going out and dating is applauded and to just have a perfectly normal amount of romantic partners but be held to impossibly high standards by the press, like it’s just an unfair and unwinnable game.”

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Also, the reason why Peter Pettigrew is name-dropping Lord Voldemort is because Vogue just did a 73 questionnaire video with her as well ew lol:

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Moving on, Tay’s fellow Sony artist and faux friend Kelsea Ballerini decided to name drop her right before it’s announced that she’s a performer at the Grammys this month omg lol:

On learning from pal Taylor Swift on handling the public: “I have been super cool with things being public. I think that’s part of being relatable. But I think I’ve had to learn to be OK with not being polished all the time. I don’t get to just share the pretty things…”

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Now onto today: Uncle Creepy aka Tom Hiddleston decided to lie about his fauxlationship with Tay in GQ just so he could promote Kong Skull Island. Face it Thomas and Luke, it’s gonna flop, so just stop:

On his relationship with Taylor: “Taylor is an amazing woman. She’s generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time. Of course it was real….So we decided to go out for dinner, we decided to travel…She’s incredible. A relationship in the limelight…A relationship always takes work. And it’s not just the limelight. It’s everything else.”

On The “I Heart T.S.” t-shirt: “The truth is, it was the Fourth of July and a public holiday and we were playing a game and I slipped and hurt my back. And I wanted to protect the graze from the sun and said, ’Does anyone have a T-shirt?’ And one of her friends said, ’I’ve got this.’ ” The friend pulled out the “I ♥ T.S.” tank top that Taylor’s friends are contractually obligated to own. “And we all laughed about it. It was a joke.” So that’s his statement on the entire relationship: an explanation of the tank top. “It was a joke,” he repeats. “Among friends.”

On the conspiracy theories that their relationship was fake: “I have to be so psychologically strong about not letting other people’s interpretations about my life affect my life. A relationship exists between two people. We will always know what it was. The narratives that are out there altogether have been extrapolated from pictures that were taken without consent or permission, with no context. Nobody had the context for that story. I’m still trying to work out a way of having a personal life and protecting it, but also without hiding. So the hardest thing is that that was a joke among friends on the Fourth of July…I just, I was surprised. I was just surprised that it got so much attention. The tank top became an emblem of this thing.”

OKAY THERE WERE 2 THINGS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHEN I WAS READING THIS ARTICLE IT WAS THIS:

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and this

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That’s it for the month of February (for now). Oh gosh, Tom just stop you’re getting worst than Zayn and that says a lot like if you’re gonna lie tell a more convincing story like why would you slide down a waterslide and play in the water if your “back was hurting”. Heck, that was even worst than the unbelievable story Cara told on Cordon lol. Gosh, Luke is a failure as a publicist, like Tom I know he’s your boyfriend and all, but fire him, you just need a new and better publicist like stat. And, him calling Tay’s fake friends, his so called, “friends” like that was just an epic fail right there lol. Well, I’ll be leaving now, but I’ll be back the next time Tay does or says something shady or just downright stupid lol. Goodbye everyone!

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Recap of everything that happened in January 2017!

Good afternoon my amazing and wonderful readers. I’m finally back with a brand new post about everyone’s favorite spoiled brat Taylor Alison Swift. Today, I’m gonna recap everything that went down in January for our favorite stupid bitch from her awful music video to how our favorite white feminist decided not to march in the Women’s March (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK TAY!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE THIS SO CALLED FEMINIST! WHAT HAPPENED!?). Let me get started on that post for y’all:

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On January 11th, Tay was spotted leaving the gym and she actually looked like she worked out this time, it’s a fucking miracle:

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OKAY, WHAT IS UP WITH HER REFUSING TO LOOK AT THE PAPS THAT SHE OBVS CALLED AND WHY IS SHE SHOWING OFF THAT UGLY ASS BAG OF HERS I THOUGHT HER CATCHPHRASE WAS THIS:

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SO WHICH ONE IS IT TAY!?

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Also, this was announced for the bitch ughhh:

Taylor Swift wants to turn her home into a local historical landmark!

The 27-year-old entertainer requested that her Beverly Hills home be considered by the Cultural Heritage Commission to receive the landmark status, according to the Beverly Hills Courier.

The six-bedroom, five-bath mansion formerly belonged to legendary Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn, who built it in 1934.

The home also features a library, card room, theatre and a guest suite with separate entrance.

Taylor, who purchased the home in 2015, is requesting the historical landmark status to make sure that the classic, historic home is preserved.

1ST A MUSEUM, A CABLE CHANNEL AND NOW THIS WHAT’S NEXT YOU WANT TO BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT TAY?

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Later on, Tay wished fellow Sony artist Zayn Malik a happy birthday with a tweet basically teasing the music video for their horrible song lol:

ALSO, WHAT KIND OF TEASER IS THIS LIKE I COULD TEASE A MUSIC VIDEO BETTER THAN YOU 2 BITCHES

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Now onto Ed news puke: Tay’s faux friend Ed Sheeran WHO SHE HASN’T SEEN SINCE JULY 2016 decided to name drop her just so he could promote his 2 new singles lol:

“There’s an underdog element to it. Taylor [Swift] was never the popular kid in school. I was never the popular kid in school. Then you get to the point when you become the most popular kid in school – and we both take it a bit too far,” he explained. Sheeran is a known Swift squad member; she even recently helped promote his new music.
“She wants to be the biggest female artist in the world and I want to be the biggest male artist in the world,” he told the magazine of their equally strong ambitions. “It also comes from always being told that you can’t do something and being like, ‘F–k you. I can.’”

WAS HE DRINKING BEFORE THIS INTERVIEW OR SOMETHING?

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Speaking of fake friends, Tay’s famewhore faux friend Ruby Rose decided to name drop Tay, because she needed to promote XXX return of the Xander which ended up flopping wow we’re already in February and you’ve already had 2 flops Ruby great job Cara 2.0:

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Moving on now, on January 21, instead of being the great “feminist” she claims to be and walk in the Women’s March, the cunt decided to just tweet this lol:

IF YOU’RE SO PROUD TO BE A WOMAN, THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU WALK THEN LOL

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Also, boy did she get some hate for not walking omfg:

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Also, I love how her 12 year old fans keep saying she was too “famous” to march when:

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NATALIE IS PREGNANT BTW AND SHE MADE IT SO

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Moreover, on January 27, the music video for I don’t wanna live forever finally debuted and my oh my was it just plain awful:

THE ONLY BRIGHT SIDE OF THE VIDEO IS THAT THEY PROVED THAT THEY HAD WORST CHEMISTRY THAN DAKOTA AND JAMIE

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They also released the behind the scenes video lol:

WHY DO THEIR INTERACTIONS REMIND ME OF THIS?

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LIKE SPOT THE DIFFERENCE PEOPLE

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Going onto this: You guys remember Tay’s “inspiring” speech you know the one where she shaded Kanye for telling the truth , well it was used in a Grammy short film oh dear:

HOW MUCH DID TREE AND TAY PAY FOR THIS SHIT?

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Moving on now, Tay and Gigi finally “hungout” after not seeing each other since OCTOBER 2016:

OH GOSH IDK WHAT’S MORE AWKWARD? HOW TAY HASN’T HEARD THE SONG EVEN THOUGH IT’S BEEN ON THE RADIO SINCE DECEMBER OR HOW HIGH GIGI LOOKS LOL

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Also, it’s funny how Gigi and Tay have finally hungout THE SAME DAY this mag comes out:

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Gigi was also paid to praise the Grammy short film with her speech. Is she Tay’s fake friend or her lap dog? Idk which is which anymore lol.

Lily also decided to be thirsty and responded to Gigi’s tweet lol how pathetic:

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Remember, Lily and Gigi are both Victoria’s Secret models and IMG Models as well and Lily’s new VS Campaign pics just came out:

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That’s it for January. Oh gosh, I’m so happy that people are calling out the bitch for not walking in the Women’s March. But, really how the hell are her fans gonna defend her after that like she’s always preaching to us about feminism and whatnot and what we should do as feminist lol. But, wow her fans defending her like that no wonder she took y’all to court and threw away your unanswered fanmail lol. But, that music video was just yikes lol. Tay’s acting makes porn stars look like Oscar winners, like she was that bad and Zayn I have no words for discount Usher, like good luck with the rest of whatever’s left of your so called music career and bearding for Gigi lol. Also, did you guys see that Itunes reduced the price of IDWLF from $1.29 to $0.69? Like, doesn’t Itunes do that 2 or maybe 3 years after a song is released not 3 MONTHS. That’s pretty sad for a Taylor Swift song man lol. Goodbye everyone and I’ll be back with the post for February okay!

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Tay’s latest hangout with Lily (Who she hasn’t seen since October) and Abigail (Oh dear) and why she really went to Missouri to perform for that fan

Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. Nat is finally back with news about everyone’s favorite immature bitch Taylor Alison Swift. Today, I’m gonna talk about her latest hangouts with Lily and Abigail. Also, I’m gonna tell you all why she went to Missouri to perform for a fan (Hint: It has something to do with that special friend of hers. You all know who I’m talking about.) And, Reese Witherspoon name-dropped Tay yet again (Geez, for an Oscar Winning actress she’s pretty thirsty lol). Let me get that post started for ya:

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On December 23rd, Tay was photographed hanging out with her faux friend Lily Aldridge with an unwelcome appearance by Abigail Anderson yuck:

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I LOVE HOW SHE’S HOLDING THEIR FACES SO TIGHTLY TO HER FACE LIKE THAT

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Moreover, funny how Tay and Lily are finally hanging out after not seeing each other for 2 months after this came out ON THE SAME DAY AS THE PICS OMFG:

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Now onto more Reese news yay (not):

The bitch name-dropped Tay yet again (Surpise, surprise):

“Country music is much easier for me,” Reese said on The Today Show, talking about singing for Walk the Line. “Singing Taylor‘s song ‘Shake It Off’ was really hard. I happened to run into her while I was making the movie and I was like, ‘I have a new appreciation for how hard you work.’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, I work really hard.’”

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BTW, YOU ALL KNOW REESE’S FILM SING CAME OUT AND IT’S A UNIVERSAL STUDIOS FILM RIGHT?

And, you all know about Taylor’s record label Big Machine Records being under the Universal Music Umbrella, right?

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Moving onto the Missouri thing:

Taylor flew to Missouri to sing to a WWII Vet named Cyrus Porter:

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BTW, LET ME TELL YOU ALL THE REAL REASON FOR THIS TRIP:

You guys all know about Tay’s girlfriend I mean special friend, Karlie Kloss right?

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DON’T THEY MAKE THE CUTEST COUPLE?

Anyway, Karlie was born in Chicago, but guess where she was raised?

Kloss, who was raised in St. Louis, stars in the luxury car company’s fall 2013 advertising campaign, “Untamed.” It debuted last week at Berlin’s fashion week. The Berlin edition of The Daily Front Row, the fashion industry’s guilty pleasure newspaper, featured Kloss alone on the cover with the headline: “Fashion Week begins … with Karlie.”

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That’s all everyone. I hope everyone had a great Christmas, Kwanza and Hanukkah! I’d also liked to take this moment to send love and kisses to Carrie Fisher and George Michaels’ families during this tragic time. May they both rest in piece. Anyway, wow Tay using a charity stunt to go and spend the holidays with your girlfriend. And, we’re supposed to be rooting for this heartless girl lol. Also, I wonder why Martha and Todrick didn’t spend time with Tay during Christmastime, since they’re both obsessed with her lol. Did they get sick of her or something like that? LOL. Moreover, goodbye everyone and I’ll be back soon to do my year of review for Tay. You guys are in for a real treat! Goodbye everyone!

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Happy Birthday to the stupidest bitch in the world!

Good morning my amazing readers. So sorry that I couldn’t post this on December 13th, I had to take care of my precious new dog. But, I’m happy to be back, because this is gonna be a very special post. Our precious white feminist ice queen Taylor Alison Swift turned 13 I mean 27 and I’ve decided to give her my own version of the best birthday present ever! Let me wrap it up and give it to you shall I?

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On December 13th, Taylor Alison Swift turned 27 years old (just 3 years from 30 yikes) and paid all of her faux friends to wish her a happy birthday lol:

Happy birthday…love you mucho ❤️

A post shared by Lily (@lilydonaldson) on

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I LIKE HOW A LOT OF THESE PICS ARE FROM PUBLIC EVENTS AND NOT EVEN PRIVATE

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She even paid some random people as well:

WTF KEVIN AND KATIE

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Now onto why Tay’s army of skanks wished her a happy birthday now:

After she wished Tay a happy birthday, Gigi announced this:

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Taylor’s girlfriend I mean Karlie just had her David Jones autumn/winter campaign come out (no pun intended):

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Martha’s Liu Jo SS17 campaign was just released:

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Tay’s faux token black friend Todrick just made an appearance on Harry:

and after his song was featured in the trailer for the new NBC show Emerald City (remember Universal owns NBC and remember who’s a part of Universal Music Group):

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After Ruby wished the bitch a happy birthday, it was announced that she’s in talks to star in Pitch Perfect 3 (the film series is also distributed by Universal Pictures, wonder how she she got the audition):

This is exciting casting news – Ruby Rose is in talks to join Pitch Perfect 3!

No plot details have been released yet and it is not yet known who Ruby will play in the movie, according to Variety.

Pitch Perfect 3 will be directed by Trish Sie, who is taking over for Elizabeth Banks after she dropped out of the director role due to her busy schedule. She will still reprise her role as Gail and produce the film.

Three actresses confirmed to return to the franchise are Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, and Brittany Snow.

Ruby is best known for her work on the third season of Orange Is the New Black and she will soon be seen opposite Vin Diesel in xXx: Return of Xander Cage.

SO NOT SEEING PITCH PERFECT 3 NOW

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Ruby’s Resident Evil: The Final Chapter poster also came out:

NOT EVEN PHOTOSHOP CAN MAKE RUBY ROSE LOOK BADASS HOW AWKWARD

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Ruby also has this film coming in January:

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Now onto Jaime (these 2 are still faux friends wtf lol), Jaime announced this on her Instagram page:

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It was just announced that Blake’s husband Ryan Reynolds has been nominated for a Golden Globe (NBC is also the channel that airs the Golden Globes “sips tea”):

Best Motion Picture, Musical, or Comedy
20th Century Women
Deadpool
La La Land
Florence Foster Jenkins
Sing Street

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical, or Comedy
Ryan Gosling, La La Land
Ryan Reynolds, Deadpool
Colin Farrell, The Lobster
Hugh Grant, Florence Foster Jenkins
Jonah Hill, War Dogs

SO YOU KNOW BLAKE IS GONNA TRY TO STEAL THE ATTENTION AWAY FROM HER HUSBAND

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You all know why that Kennedy Raye girl, Camila Cabello and Todrick Hall wished Tay a happy birthday right?

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Lily Donaldson just went to the British Fashion Awards:3B127F5B00000578-0-image-m-53_1480965412937.jpg

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Lily Aldridge just promoted Sakara on her Twitter:

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For Camila, it was announced that 5th Harmony is releasing a 3rd album:

Fifth Harmony recently rocked the stage at the iHeartRadio Jingle Ball concert (Dec. 9) at Madison Square Garden. During a backstage interview with radio host Elvis Duran, the ladies revealed that they have a third album in the works.

“2017, it’s going to be popping,” promised 5H member Normani Hamilton. “We’re working on Jingle Ball right now, but the third album is definitely going to be so lit,” Dinah Jane Hansen added. “We’re really excited.”

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Onto why Kevin Costner and Katie Couric randomly wished the cunt a happy birthday lol:

Kevin has this movie coming out:

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Katie is currently in the middle of a lawsuit uh oh:

Lawyers for journalist Katie Couric are urging a federal judge to dismiss a $12 million defamation lawsuit filed by Virginia gun rights activists over what they call a misleading documentary edit.

The Virginia Citizens Defense League filed a lawsuit in September over Couric’s documentary “Under the Gun.”

The documentary shows nearly 10 seconds of silence after Couric asks members of the Virginia Citizens Defense League how felons or terrorists could be prevented from purchasing a gun without background checks. Activists can be heard on audio of the exchange responding to Couric’s question almost immediately.

In a motion to dismiss filed this week, Couric’s attorneys say that even if one doesn’t think the edit was appropriate, “it simply does not rise to the level of defamation.”

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She also just interviewed Edward Snowden:

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Now onto Zayn name-dropping Tay oh great ughhhhh:

Zayn talks about collaborating with the bitch for that terrible 50 Shades Darker song:

“We were kind of in separate places when I mentioned the idea to her. I spoke to her on the phone and she heard the song because (producer) Jack [Antonoff] had played it to her. So she really liked it and she went in the studio the next day,” he said.

Zayn added, “The interesting thing was she’s actually friends with Gi, so she already reached out because Jack had just played her the song anyway, just because we’d done it together and she really liked it…so I asked if she wanted to be on it and she was cool with it.”

WAIT WHAT YOU MENTIONED THE IDEA TO TAY, ZAYN? NICE TRY BITCH LOL AND TAY IS LISTED AS ONE OF THE SONGWRITERS ON THE SONG, DUMBASS LOL:

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Zayn also teased the music video for the song puke:

“There might be a video coming soon,” Zayn said. “Watch out for that. Yeah, hopefully [Taylor will be in it]. It might be a bit weird if it were someone else.”

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Now onto John Mayer shading Tay hahahhahahahhaha:

John tweeted this on Tay’s birthday lol:

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WOW, I CAN’T STAND JOHN BUT THIS IS HILARIOUS

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Now onto Reese Witherspoon name-dropping Tay go away bitch ughhhh:

Reese was on Ellen this week and talked about singing Taylor Swift and Katy Perry’s songs for her movie Sing oh dear lol:

“It was much harder. I grew up wanting to be a country music singer so the Walk The Line stuff was more in my heart,” the 40-year-old actress revealed while making an appearance on The Ellen Show, airing today (December 13). “This was really hard and I actually ran into Taylor and Katy while I was doing the movie and was like ‘you guys, this is really hard,’ and they were like ‘yeah, we know.’”

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You all know that Sing is a Universal Studios film right?

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That’s it for the birthday post. I wonder why Tay didn’t have Selena, Lorde, Lena or even Cara wish her a happy birthday. I wonder what happened with those faux friendships. Oh wait. I forgot. These “friendships” are as real as Tay’s implants and ass. My bad lol. But, oh gosh how are people not seeing that these faux friendships are fake like what’s the matter with you? But, Zayn oh gosh either you need more media training or you need to fire your publicist stat. Don’t start pulling a Hailee Steinfeld and confusing people with your lies. People are already confused and fed up by your past behavior in the last year and this year, just don’t. But, wow John Mayer that was hilarious. You get points from me man hahahahahahhahaha. Goodbye now and I’ll be back sooner than later, bitches!

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