Guess who’s back? Back again? Nat is back. Tell a friend. Hello bitches, I’m back with more of your favorite pop princess Taylor Swift. And, I’m about to tell you all about her 5th and last fauxlationship (so far):
Taylor and Calvin timeline:
On February 25th, 2015 pop star Taylor Swift and Scottish DJ Calvin Harris attended the Brit Awards because they were both nominated for awards:
BITCH FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU DON’T HAVE AN ASS
Taylor also performed her stupid song and won an award ew
WTF IS SHE DOING ONSTAGE OMFG
Taylor and Calvin met at the after party after Tree (Taylor’s publicist) introduced them.
Here’s the video, at the 2:45 you’ll see Taylor, Calvin and Tree:
Note: Taylor and Calvin met while he was still dating model Aarika Wolfe
And ofc, after Calvin and Taylor met at the Brit Awards, we began getting articles about whether or not they were dating:
Taylor Swift & Calvin Harris Flirting Backstage At The BRIT Awards?
TAYLOR SWIFT AND CALVIN HARRIS SPARK DATING RUMOURS AFTER THEY ARE SPOTTED KISSING AT THE BRIT AWARDS
Taylor Swift & Calvin Harris Get Cozy at BRIT Awards!
The next month, on March 7th Taylor was seen at Calvin’s concert in Las Vegas
She even brought her fake friends Haim, Selena Gomez and Ellie Goulding
AWW LOOK AT ALL THE FAKE FRIENDS LOL
And let’s not forget that Ellie was releasing this song around the same time:
And on March 10th, it was announced that Calvin and his gf Aarika had broken up:
Calvin Harris & Aarika Wolf Split After Seven Months of Dating?
Calvin Harris and his model girlfriend Aarika Wolf have reportedly gone their separate ways.
“Calvin and Aarika split around the time of the Brits [awards] last month,” a close source to the 31-year-old DJ shared to The Sun.
The source added, “They were both into each other for a long time but it just didn’t work out and they’ll stay friends. Calvin is always really busy and is constantly travelling around to DJ gigs so he’s happy to be single for a while.”
If you weren’t aware, Calvin and Aarika had been dating for 7 months.
Back to the fauxlationship, Taylor and Calvin were spotted in Nashville on March 25th
HIS FAKE SMILE I CAN’T LMFAO
The next day, they were forced I mean went to a Kenny Chesney concert
LOL AT CALVIN LOOKING AT THE CAMERA
Taylor even got up on stage with Kenny to sing Big Star with him
SHE LOOKS SO AWKWARD WHEN SHE DANCES OMFG
And this all happened before Taylor took the stage with Madonna at the IHeartRadio Music Awards
TAYLOR LOOKS LIKE A DISCOUNT ALANIS MORISSETTE LOL
Oh and let me just tell you that earlier this month, Calvin did an interview where he said that Taylor wasn’t his type
During that same month, Calvin announced he was taking part in Jay-Z’s new streaming service called Tidal
What is Tidal? Jay Z’s Streaming Service Gets Celeb Support!
If you’ve been seeing a lot of bright blue across you’re Twitter feed today, we have the answer as to why… celebs are supporting Jay Z‘s new music streaming service Tidal!
The music company, which will be a rival to Spotify, is launching today (March 30) and tons of stars are showing their support.
Beyonce, Rihanna, Kanye West, Madonna, Nicki Minaj, Chris Martin, Calvin Harris, Jason Aldean, and many more artists are featured in a new video to promote the service, which launches at 5pm EST.
Tidal will cost $9.99 a month for standard sound quality and $19.99 a month for Lossless High Fidelity sound quality.
And guess who else is a part of Tidal?
Taylor Swift & Jay Z Team Up to Stream a Tidal Wave of Her Music
Taylor Swift has just made most of her music available to stream on Jay-Z‘s company Tidal!
The 25-year-old entertainer’s reps decided to put a statement to clarify that Taylor‘s latest album 1989 will be the only album that won’t be available to stream.
PHOTOS: Check out the latest pics of Taylor Swift
“Taylor Swift’s albums, except for the multi-platinum 1989, all appear on streaming services that require a subscription fee. This has never changed. Big Machine Records believes music has value and we do not believe Taylor’s music should be made available for free,” Taylor‘s reps shared.
They added, “1989 is NOT available on Tidal. 1989 is NOT available on any streaming service. I realize the image appears there but it does not stream on their platform.”
The next month, Taylor and Calvin went to a Haim concert together
HE LOOKS SO “HAPPY” WITH HER LOL
Oh and I forgot to mention that Calvin did a song with Haim and they were announced as the opening act for Taylor’s 1989 world tour
Moving on, Taylor forced 2 of her fake friends, Ed Sheeran and Jaime King to approve Calvin as her fake boyfriend:
“He’s a wonderful man,” Jaime told E! News. “He’s a beautiful man.”
“No, he’s cool. He’s a really nice guy. Really, really nice guy,” Ed said. “So he gives the coupling his seal of approval? “Yeah, I’d give the seal of approval… There are just certain people who are just nice people in the industry. I met [Calvin] like a year ago…Really good guy.”
SO MUCH ALLITERATION IN THOSE QUOTES GUYS
Also, we got all this Taylor and Calvin stuff before Taylor accepted her milestone award at the ACMAS
DOES THIS BITCH HAVE ENOUGH AWARDS ALREADY GEEZ
Later in April, Calvin Instagramed pics of Taylor’s cats Olivia Benson and Meredith Grey
THOSE CATS LOOK SO LOST AND CONFUSED I’M CACKLING LOL
In late April, Calvin and Taylor were both spotted leaving her L.A. house
SHE LOOKS MORE INTERESTED IN HER PHONE THAN HER FAKE BF LOL
and doesn’t this setting look familiar too
Anyway, the next month came and Calvin was scheduled to perform at the Wango Tango
And guess who went? His fake gf and her opening act HAIM!
WHY ARE THEY ACTING LIKE THEY’RE AT COACHELLA LOL
Then after Wango Tango, they went out to dinner
And we even got these quotes from an, “onlooker” after their dinner date:
“They were very close together, leaning in to speak to each other and laughing a lot,” an onlooker shared to People about the 25-year-old singer and the 31-year-old DJ. The source added, “Taylor looked gorgeous. It was a very sexy but classy look. She was glowing, she seemed incredibly happy but also very at ease with Calvin. They were dressed up and enjoying themselves, talking and laughing the entire time.”
And of course comes their major appearance as a couple:
The Billboard Music Awards!
HIS FACE WHILE SHE’S WHISPERING IN HIS EAR THOUGH HAHAHAHHA
But let’s not forget while this was all going on, this little music video was having it’s premiere that night:
SHE LOOKS LIKE A DISCOUNT LINDA HAMILTON LOL
There were also cameras on the audience during and before the breaks and I got a glimpse of Calvin and Taylor’s “chemistry”. Here take a look:
WOW SUCH A PERFECT COUPLE
SHE DANCES LIKE AN AWKWARD GRANDPA OMFG
And ofc she won every single award there
And before she went up there Calvin gave her one of the most awkwardest hugs ever
WHAT KIND OF HUG IS THAT LOL
And at the after party, they took pics with all of their fake friends in a photo booth:
Later on, Taylor went to New York with Calvin
LOL AT HER BRINGING ED ON HER DATE THOUGH HAHA
The next month got even better because Ellie Goulding revealed in Elle that she set Taylor and Calvin up saying this:
“I did play matchmaker, that’s true,” Ellie told The Sun (via Elle). “Calvin is a really great mate and he’s so fantastic, and Taylor is such a cool person who I love. I thought, ‘They’re both really awesome and both really tall. They’ll be brilliant together.’”
Like I said at the beginning of this post, Tree aka Taylor’s publicist was the one who set up Taylor and Calvin, not Ellie.
The reason Ellie said she was the one who set up Taylor and Calvin, because not only did they need a cover up, Ellie was also releasing a song around the time called, “Powerful” featuring Major Lazor and Tarrus Riley:
During the same month, Taylor and Calvin were having a pool party lol
Moving on, Taylor was then spotted in Calvin’s Range Rover yet again
SERIOUSLY DO ALL OF HER FAKE BFS DRIVE HER AROUND EVERYWHERE
Later on, Calvin was cat-sitting Taylor’s cats lol
POOR CATS THEY HAD TO BE A PART OF THIS STUNT
And then, Taylor wrote a long ass stupid rant about why she took her music off of iTunes (short answer: she’s greedy af) and ofc Calvin had to get on the publicity train and say this:
Later on Taylor gave a “shoutout” to Calvin during one of her concerts
And then the biggest joke of them all:
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris Are The Highest Paid Celebrity Couple
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris are not only the hottest couple in entertainment right now, but they’re also the richest.
According to Forbes‘ Highst-Paid Celebrity Couples ranking, Tay and Calvin collectively made an impressive $146 million last year.
PHOTOS: Check out the latest pics of Taylor Swift
On top of their loyal fan bases, the stars both have their fair share of endorsement deals to add to their income, including Taylor‘s deals with Diet Coke, Keds and Sony and Calvin‘s deals with with Giorgio Armani and Sol Republic headphones.
Jay Z and Beyonce, who topped the list in 2013, came in second place with a cool $110.5 million, while Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert made third place with $57 million.
Like seriously what!? Like how!? Like how much did their managements pay Forbes omg.
At the end of June, Taylor and Calvin went sailing in London with Karlie Kloss, Gigi Hadid and her fake boyfriend at the time Joe Jonas (he’s also Taylor’s ex lol)
THIS PHOTO SO ISN’T AWKWARD LOL
Next month, Taylor and Calvin celebrated the fourth of July together with their fake friends ofc
LIKE SHE EVEN COOKS HER OWN FOOD LMAO
It’s funny how this event happened before the release of Calvin’s new single on the 18th:
On the before the release of How Deep Is Your Love, Calvin decided to open up about Taylor:
“It’s going absolutely fantastic,” the 31-year-old music star told KISS FM UK. “It’s interesting, because obviously there’s different things written about it every day and even if we don’t do anything publicly for a while, someone will make something up.”
Calvin talked about all the rumors that are surrounding their relationship right now. “It does get more and more ridiculous, from me apparently being allergic to cats or Taylor and I are moving in together or we’re getting married next week,” he said with a laugh. “It’s a lot but you’ve just got to take it how it is which is that it’s a news story that people read but it’s just not real life.”
“Then on the other hand, real life is happening,” he continued. “There’s a whole bunch of times where we’ve been hanging out and nobody’s clocked it. It’s not like every single time we go out, we get a photograph taken of us.”
“For me, it could be a lot worse, and I’d still be like insanely happy with her,” Calvin said about the scrutiny they get from the press. “So, I’m good with it.”
Then, Taylor gets into that twitter fight with Nicki Minaj over the VMA nominations and everyone from Ed Sheeran to Piers Morgan was defending her, but guess who didn’t? Yep, you guessed it:
And a couple days later it was announced that Calvin was planning to take Taylor to Scotland to meet his parents:
“They’re planning a trip to the UK with a few days in Scotland so she can meet his parents,” says an insider close to the pair, who first stepped out together in March.
It’s funny that this news was announced 4 days before this:
Calvin Harris Is Shirtless Sexy in New Armani Underwear Ad!
Calvin Harris is so sexy in his new underwear campaign for Emporio Armani that you are going to be jealous of his girlfriend Taylor Swift when you finish looking at all the photos!
After showing off his super hot body in some campaign images late last year, the 31-year-old music star is back with new photos.
PHOTOS: Check out the latest pics of Calvin Harris
“The new Emporio Armani Fall/Winter campaign @armani #CalvinHarrisforEA,” Calvin tweeted along with the image.
See the four new photos in the gallery below, followed by behind-the-scenes shots and his pictures from the last campaign as well.
The next month, they’re seen hanging out together in L.A.
THEY CAN’T EVEN HOLD HANDS PROPERLY I’M LAUGHING LOL
Later on, Calvin got into a Twitter fight with former 1d member Zayn Malik when Zayn called Taylor greedy for taking her music off of iTunes
Here are some of Calvin tweets:
and here are Zayn’s tweets:
Later on, Taylor reportedly mouthed I love you to Calvin at one of shows in L.A.
2 months later, there were many break up rumors surrounding Taylor and Calvin, but Taylor’s “friend” Selena set the record straight and said this:
“I think I would have found that out. Is that a rumor?”
“Honestly, it’s so stupid. I’m pregnant every week, [Taylor’s] gonna be pregnant. It’s so stupid, like you can’t really read that stuff,” Selena said.
Let’s not forget that Selena was also promoting her album while shutting down these break up rumors:
Later in October, Calvin threatened to sue anybody who printed the story about him going to a Thai massage parlor:
Oh, and I forgot to mention, these break up rumors started before this event:
LOOK WHO’S ONE OF THE PERFORMERS
Calvin later flew to Miami to see his fake gf perform
HE LOOKS SO HAPPY TO BE THERE LOL
2 months later it was Taylor’s birthday and of course Calvin went
DO U EVER SMILE CALVIN LOL
But I want you to pay attention to the guy in the middle. His name is Jaimie Iovine and he has a father named James Iovine and James is an exec at Apple.
James “Jimmy” Iovine (/ˈaɪ.əviːn/; Italian pronunciation: [ˈjovine]; born March 11, 1953) is an American entrepreneur, record producer, and film producer. He is best known as the co-founder of Interscope Records and chairman of Interscope Geffen A&M. In 2006, Iovine teamed with Dr. Dre to found Beats Electronics, a company which produces audio products and operates a music streaming service. The company was purchased by Apple for $3 billion in May 2014.
THIS IS HIM
And this was announced on Tay’s birthday:
Taylor Swift Announces ‘1989 World Tour’ Film for Apple Music!
Taylor Swift is giving fans a behind-the-scenes look at her life on the road in The 1989 World Tour Live concert film!
The 26-year-old entertainer just announced that she recorded her show for 76,000 fans at the ANZ Stadium on Saturday (November 28) in Sydney, Australia.
Directed by Jonas Akerlund, the concert movie captures Taylor‘s entire performance from Sydney with never before seen footage filmed backstage and during rehearsals with surprise musical and special guests that appeared on the tour.
Beginning Sunday, December 20, The 1989 World Tour LIVE will be available in its entirety exclusively to Apple Music members around the world at applemusic.com/Taylorswift on iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, Mac, PC and Apple TV.
And, ofc the next day Calvin was forced to hangout with Tay and her family
CALVIN IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THOSE CAMERAS ISN’T HE LOL
It’s funny how this outing happened days before this was announced
Later on, Taylor and Calvin spent Christmas together even though I thought you spent Christmas with your family not your fake bf/gf
THIS SO ISN’T FAKE NOR STAGED LOL
And don’t forget that these Christmas pics were posted before this came out:
On New Years Eve, Taylor was seen at Calvin’s Las Vegas show while her music video debuted
IS SHE IN DISCOUNT LORD OF THE RINGS LOL
Taylor was also seen hanging out with Ruby Rose from OITNB
SHE SEEMS MORE COMFORTABLE WITH HER THAN HER “BOYFRIEND”
Ruby even posted a video of them singing one of Calvin’s songs
And after new years, Calvin was announced as one of the performers for Coachella 2016
LET’S SEE IF THEIR FAUXLATIONSHIP CAN LAST UNTIL APRIL LOL
Well, that’s about it for her fauxlationships (for now I guess). Tomorrow, I’m gonna dive into her ripping off Lana Del Rey for her stupid 1989 album. Goodnight bitches and be prepared for tomorrow.