I’m finally back and I’m gonna review what happened in July 2016!!!!

Hello my bitches. Nat is finally back with my recap on everything that had happened in July 2016 about everyone’s favorite little dramatic bitch Taylor Alison Swift. I’m so sorry I’ve been away, I’ve been very busy with a lot of things, but now my schedule has cleared up to finally talk about that cunt and her fairytale adventures. Let’s get this recap party started:

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On July 13th, some shocking news leaked to the world! Taylor or should I say Nils Sjoberg (out of all of the fake names you could’ve chosen, that’s the one you went with wtf bitch) actually co-wrote her ex-beard’s song Calvin Harris’, “This Is What You Came For”!

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GEEZ NO WONDER THE SONG SUCKS DAMN

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Calvin later confirmed that she did indeed co-wrote the song with these shady tweets haha:

I know you’re off tour and you need someone new to try and bury like Katy ETC but I’m not that guy, sorry. I won’t allow it

— Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) July 13, 2016

And she sings on a little bit of it too 🙃
Amazing lyric writer and she smashed it as usual https://t.co/vW3yGOIJit

— Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) July 13, 2016

“AMAZING LYRIC WRITER AND SHE SMASHED IT AS USUAL”

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I wrote the music, produced the song, arranged it and cut the vocals though. And initially she wanted it kept secret, hence the pseudonym

— Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) July 13, 2016

Hurtful to me at this point that her and her team would go so far out of their way to try and make ME look bad at this stage though 🤔

— Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) July 13, 2016

I figure if you’re happy in your new relationship you should focus on that instead of trying to tear your ex bf down for something to do

— Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) July 13, 2016

I know you’re off tour and you need someone new to try and bury like Katy ETC but I’m not that guy, sorry. I won’t allow it

— Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) July 13, 2016

WOW I DESPISE CALVIN, BUT 3 CHEERS FOR YOU CALVIN

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Katy Perry also might’ve commented on the whole controversy with this tweet:

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LOVED KATY PERRY

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On July 15th after he got nominated for his 1st Emmy, Tom finally opened up about his fauxlationship with Tay:

“Well, um. How best to put this? The truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together and we’re very happy. Thanks for asking,” Tom responded. “That’s the truth. It’s not a publicity stunt.”

IT’S NOT A PUBLICITY STUNT HUH

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ALSO, WHY DID YOU SAY HER 1ST TIME, TOM? WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE SAID TAYLOR OR EVEN TAY? IS IT BECAUSE THAT WAS OBVIOUSLY A SCRIPTED ANSWER WRITTEN BY TREE OR EVEN LUKE?

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LIKE COMPARE WHAT HE SAID ABOUT THAT BITCH TO WHAT HE SAID ABOUT BEING NOMINATED FOR AN EMMY FOR THE 1ST IN HIS LIFE LMFAO:

“I didn’t have any expectations and suddenly my phone started blowing up a couple hours ago. This is the most wonderful surprise, and honestly the most thrilling thing about it is that it feels like an extraordinary and heartwarming affirmation for the whole team who made The Night Manager. Making The Night Manager was the most fulfilling team effort, and I’m so proud of everybody,” Tom said.

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That same day, Taylor’s famewhore faux friend Martha Hunt talked about Tom and Tay’s fauxlationship lol stupid bitch:

“I love that they’re both happy and free together,” Martha said. “It’s amazing, I’m all about people being happy in love.”

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Funny, how Martha namedropped them a month before she promoted the new Easy collection from Body by Victoria’s Secret:

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Later on, Tom’s costar Chris Hemsworth namedropped the fauxlationship also (wtf Chris):

“I haven’t met her personally, but she’s obviously hugely talented. As I said, I haven’t met her. I think they only got here three or four days ago and I’ve seen Tom around. He looks happy, mate. Yeah!” Chris said.

He was also asked if he plans on asking Taylor to sign an autograph for his daughter India. “No, I’ll just ask her to sing a song,” he replied. “Hand her the guitar in between sit-ups for the cameras and I’ll be like, ‘Off you go.’ A couple tunes would be nice.”

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY HUH

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ARE

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YOU

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SURE

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ABOUT

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THAT

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CHRIS

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Also, it’s funny how Chris namedropped them while promoting this movie:

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On July 16th, Taylor’s other famewhore faux friend Jaime King used her son’s birthday to try to get Tay’s attention what a fucking sicko that crazy bitch is ughhhh:

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So ironic how this happened before Jaime covered Fight Song with a bunch of other more relevant actresses to support Hillary Clinton:

DID JAIME GET MORE PLASTIC SURGERY? SHE’S STARTING TO PUT KIM & MELANIA TO SHAME

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Moving on to the best day ever! On July 17th, Kim Kardashian leaked a snapchat video of Kanye West asking Tay for permission to include those lyrics about him maybe having sex with her lol:

KIMYE GOT THAT BITCH OMFG

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Remember, back in February and June, Taylor’s rep said she never approved of those lyrics lol:

“Kanye did not call for approval, but to ask Taylor to release his single ‘Famous’ on her Twitter account. She declined and cautioned him about releasing a song with such a strong misogynistic message,” Taylor‘s rep told JustJared.com. “Taylor was never made aware of the actual lyric, ‘I made that bitch famous.’”

“Taylor does not hold anything against Kim Kardashian as she recognizes the pressure Kim must be under and that she is only repeating what she has been told by Kanye West. However, that does not change the fact that much of what Kim is saying is incorrect,” Taylor‘s rep said in a statement to GQ.

“Kanye West and Taylor only spoke once on the phone while she was on vacation with her family in January of 2016 and they have never spoken since. Taylor has never denied that conversation took place,” the rep continued. “It was on that phone call that Kanye West also asked her to release the song on her Twitter account, which she declined to do. Kanye West never told Taylor he was going to use the term, ‘that b—h’ in referencing her. A song cannot be approved if it was never heard. Kanye West never played the song for Taylor Swift. Taylor heard it for the first time when everyone else did and was humiliated. Kim Kardashian‘s claim that Taylor and her team were aware of being recorded is not true, and Taylor cannot understand why Kanye West, and now Kim Kardashian, will not just leave her alone.”

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Then, Tay tried to pathetically cover it up by saying it was character assassination lol:

That moment when Kanye West secretly records your phone call, then Kim posts it on the Internet.

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

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Kim then tweeted this:

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After that, Taylor’s instagram was flooded with snake emojis:

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Then, Tay’s faux friend and terrible singer/actress Selena Gomez tried to make it about herself I mean was paid to defend Tay and boy was it messy just like Selena’s drug problem I mean Lupus if she even really has that lol:

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Funny, how Selena “defended” Tay even if you call that defending whatever the fuck she did lol, before she released a remix of her terrible song Kill Em with Kindness:

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Later on, to promote her new single Rise, Katy Perry decided to shade Tay also hahahhahahahah:

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By the way, Tom decided to go on a run instead of defending his beard lol:

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AWWW, WERE YOU TRYING TO ESCAPE THIS FAUXLATIONSHIP, TOM?

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Moving on, horrible actress Chloe Grace Moretz tried to get her thirsty opinion on the controversy:

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Then, Khloe Kardashian shut that bitch down lol:

Is this the a hole you’re referring to @ChloeGMoretz ??? pic.twitter.com/h56S8FvNWr

— Khloé (@khloekardashian) July 18, 2016

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OKAY, BITCH WE GET IT YOU WERE IN NEIGHBORS THAT ALSO FLOPPED AT THE BOX OFFICE GOOD FOR YOU!

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Then, that thirsty other famewhore Ruby Rose badly defended Chloe so pathetic haha:

BITCH, WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING? YOU’RE NOT EVEN RELEVANT ANYMORE

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Moreover, Kim later dissed Taylor once again omfg I’m loving this:

“What would happen if you just called Taylor up and say ‘what happened? How did this go so south?’” Kris said. “I guess I don’t understand the motivation to flip … maybe she took it the wrong way. My advice would to be give Taylor Swift a call.”

“Thank you for your lovely advice, but I’m not going to take it,” Kim said in response.

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Then, a source tells TMZ that Taylor wanted Kanye wanted to destroy the phone call in February:

It appears that Taylor Swift was aware of her phone call with Kanye West being secretly recorded as she demanded he destroy the video back in February.

The 26-year-old singer’s lawyer sent a letter to Kanye‘s team demanding that he destroy the phone conversation as it is illegal in California to record a phone conversation without the other person’s consent.

Sources told TMZ that the conversation was recorded in a studio located in Los Angeles.

“Demand is hereby made that you immediately destroy all such recordings, provide us of assurance that this has been done, and also assurance that these recordings have not been previously disseminated,” the letter reportedly said.

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To make matters worst, Demi Lovato, former faux friend squad member Zendaya and Pharrell all favorited tweets favoriting Kimye over Taylor hahahahhahahaha:

It looks like Zendaya, Demi Lovato, and Pharrell Williams are supporting Kim Kardashian and Kanye West after the Taylor Swift “Famous” phone call video was revealed.

While none of the three directly said anything about the video, each favorited a tweet that showed support for Kim and Kanye.

“I’m glad Zendaya was never really down with that whole Taylor squad sh*t,” one tweet read, that Zendaya favorited just minutes after being posted.

Demi favorited a tweet that read, “I LOVE KIM KARDASHIAN,” with several emojis.

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Later on, Martha & Ruby tried to be relevant again by defending their faux friend lol:

FUNNY HOW YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT SPREADING THE LOVE EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE IN A MUSIC VIDEO ABOUT DISSING ANOTHER WOMAN

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Hilarious, how Ruby defended her faux friend before this teaser trailer came out:

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Chris Brown even dissed the cunt omfg lol:

“WHO GIVES A F–K,” Chris initially wrote. He added, “CELEBRITIES, FREEDOM OF SPEECH???, come back to f–king planet earth. EVERYONE REALLY BE ACTING LIKE LITTLE ASS KIDS (EVEN ME AT TIMES).”

“Oh NO…” Chris added. “Someone said something I don’t like, OUCH, MY PUSSY HURT. Make music and shut the f–k up.”

Chris also reportedly left comments elsewhere in which he said that “our values or even our regular lives are too consumed by bullsh-t. ME INCLUDED. I just wanna see things from artists (celebrities) that actually f–king matter. I don’t need the press nor am I dropping an album next week.”

WOW CHRIS THAT WAS JUST AWESOME SHIT WOW

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Going onto Camilla Belle now haha: Remember her? She was the girl Joe Jonas allegedly left Taylor for and Tay wrote that terrible song Better than Revenge where she talks about how she’s better known for the things she does on the mattress (ironic huh? lol) well she decided to weigh in on the drama by saying this haha:

#quoteoftheday #happymonday #felizsegunda

A post shared by Camilla Belle (@camillabelle) on

CAMILLA, I DON’T REALLY KNOW YOU THAT WELL, BUT YOU GO GIRL

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Later on, Tay’s stupid director Joseph Kahn (who is he like seriously?) tried to defend that bitch by comparing her to Nicole Brown Simpson (I wish I was joking omfg):

A RAINBOW IN A SWAMP WERE YOU ON CRACK WHEN YOU TWEETED THIS?

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YOU CAN KISS BYE BYE TO THAT DIRECTING CAREER OF YOURS ASSHOLE

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Onto more ridiculous news, Taylor’s own Jonathan Cheban aka that stupid bitch Abigail Anderson got thirsty and said all of this bullshit:

Lord, hear my prayers…I pray God helps your daughter understand, that despite how many times she’ll hear daddy reference all women as ‘bitches,’ she isn’t one. I pray she understands her father actually IS faithful to her mother, despite all the adulterous comments she will hear her father making…I pray that she will understand ‘adultery and bitches’ are just daddy’s form of art and not to worry because not every man thinks like him.”

Abigail added, “Lastly, I pray for forgiveness. May God forgive you & your wife for doing to others the very things you pray are NEVER done to your daughter.”

THE BITCH LATER GOT DEATH THREATS AND DELETED ALL OF THIS OMFG

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She then tweeted this ughhhhhh:

Guys…I will always stand by my best friend. There’s no point in fighting over than. #BlessIt

— Abigail Anderson (@abiander) July 18, 2016

HOW MUCH WERE YOU PAID LIKE WTF DUMBASS

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Moreover, Uzo Aduba was later paid to defend Tay too ughhhhh:

The 35-year-old Orange is the New Black star has weighed in on all the drama with Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.

When asked if Tay will overcome the feud, Uzo told Vanity Fair, “She will, adding that “she’s a beautiful person and strong.”

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Also, it’s funny how Uzo said all of this before her Essence Mag cover came out next month:

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Then, Todrick Hall, (you know another one of Taylor’s token black best friends) also got paid to defend her:

“In the words of Sweet Brown, ‘Ain’t nobody got time for that.’ I’ve had my Regina George moments in my life, [but] I think there’s a reason why you would call someone and record them,” Todrick told People. “I’m not sure of everything that happened or did not happen, but all I know is I feel that I would feel taken advantage of if someone recorded me without me knowing it.”

“My heart goes out to her because she never asked to be a part of this whole Kimye experience,” he continued. “She just wanted to accept an award. And it’s just, literally, like Bring It On – you know how they keep making Bring It On movies again and again and again? It’s like it doesn’t seem it will end.”

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How hilarious that this happened before this was announced about Todrick:

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ALSO, ISN’T FUNNY HOW A LOT OF HER BLACK FAUX FRIENDS ARE “DEFENDING” HER LIKE I SEE YOU THROUGH YOUR ACT BITCH!

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On July 22nd, The ugly and her old ass beard were spotted in L.A. together, because Tom was going to comic con:

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OH GOSH, DOES TOM OWN MORE THAN ONE PAIR OF JEANS, JACKET AND SHOES LIKE SERIOUSLY

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That same day, Taylor and Tom finally decided to step out together by: going to separate gyms in California. I’m serious hahhahahahaha

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OMFG DID SHE THROW HER PHONE AT THE WALL AFTER TREE TOLD HER SHE COUDLN’T SUE KIMYE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAHAHAHHAHAHHA

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TOM IS OFC WEARING THE SAME SHIRT AND LOOKS OLD AF AS USUAL

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Later on, Calvin decided to party with Kim and sing a Kanye song on Snapchat:

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Then as damage control, Tay decided to wish her faux friend Slutena a happy birthday:

LOVE HOW SHE ISN’T EVEN SMILING IN THIS PIC LIKE WTF TAY

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Now let’s check in on Tom at comic con shall we:

Tom was seen at comic con (Taylor must’ve been relieved not to go and probably was happy to Skype Karlie that day) with his Kong: Skull Island co-stars:

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WHY THE HELL DOES HE LOOK MORE HAPPIER WITH HIS ENGAGED COSTAR THAN HE DOES WITH HIS SUPPOSED “GIRLFRIEND”?

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Also, some shady moments happened at comic con omfg:

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OH FUCKING SHIT I LOVE YOU BRIE LARSON HAHAHHAHAHHA

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By the way if any of you care, here’s the trailer for the movie:

OH GOSH THIS LOOKS SO FUCKING TERRIBLE GOOD LUCK WITH ANOTHER FLOP TO ADD TO YOUR RESUME TOM!

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After comic con, Tom was seen with Taylor’s driver:

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WOW, HE’S FINALLY WEARING A DIFFERENT JACKET AND HE LOOKS SO HAPPY

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Then MTV decided to do something great: They released the 2016 VMA Nominations and look who got nominated and who didn’t:

VIDEO OF THE YEAR
Adele – “Hello”
Beyoncé – “Formation”
Drake – “Hotline Bling”
Justin Bieber – “Sorry”
Kanye West – “Famous”

BEST FEMALE VIDEO
Adele – “Hello”
Beyoncé – “Hold Up”
Sia – “Cheap Thrills”
Ariana Grande – “Into You”
Rihanna ft. Drake – “Work” (short version)

BEST MALE VIDEO
Drake – “Hotline Bling”
Bryson Tiller – “Don’t”
Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna – “This Is What You Came For”
Kanye West – “Famous”
The Weeknd – “Can’t Feel My Face”

BEST COLLABORATION
Beyoncé ft. Kendrick Lamar – “Freedom”
Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign – “Work From Home”
Ariana Grande ft. Lil Wayne – “Let Me Love You”
Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna – “This Is What You Came For”
Rihanna ft. Drake – “Work” (short version)

BEST HIP HOP VIDEO
Drake – “Hotline Bling”
Desiigner – “Panda”
Bryson Tiller – “Don’t”
Chance The Rapper featuring Saba – “Angels”
2 Chainz – “Watch Out”

BEST POP VIDEO
Adele – “Hello”
Beyoncé – “Formation”
Justin Bieber – “Sorry”
Alessia Cara – “Wild Things”
Ariana Grande – “Into You”

BEST ROCK VIDEO
All Time Low – “Missing You”
Coldplay – “Adventure Of A Lifetime”
Fall Out Boy ft. Demi Lovato – “Irresistible”
twenty one pilots – “Heathens”
Panic! At The Disco – “Victorious”

BEST ELECTRONIC VIDEO
Calvin Harris & Disciples – “How Deep Is Your Love”
99 Souls ft. Destiny’s Child & Brandy – “The Girl Is Mine”
Mike Posner – “I Took A Pill In Ibiza”
Afrojack – “SummerThing!”
The Chainsmokers ft. Daya – “Don’t Let Me Down”

BREAKTHROUGH LONG FORM VIDEO
Florence + The Machine – The Odyssey
Beyoncé – Lemonade
Justin Bieber – PURPOSE: The Movement
Chris Brown – Royalty
Troye Sivan – Blue Neighbourhood Trilogy

BEST NEW ARTIST Presented by Taco Bell
Bryson Tiller
Desiigner
Zara Larsson
Lukas Graham
DNCE

BEST ART DIRECTION
Beyoncé – “Hold Up”
Production Designer: Jason Hougaard
Fergie – “M.I.L.F.”
Production Designer: Alexander Delgado
Drake – “Hotline Bling”
Production Designer: Jeremy MacFarlane
David Bowie – “Blackstar”
Production Designer: Jan Houllevigue
Adele – “Hello”
Production Designer: Colombe Raby

BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
Beyoncé – “Formation”
Missy Elliott ft. Pharrell – “WTF (Where They From)”
Beyoncé – “Sorry”
FKA Twigs – “M3LL155X”
Florence + The Machine – “Delilah”

BEST DIRECTION
Beyoncé – “Formation”
Coldplay – “Up&Up”
Adele – “Hello”
David Bowie – “Lazarus”
Tame Impala – “The Less I Know The Better”

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Beyoncé – “Formation”
Adele – “Hello”
David Bowie – “Lazarus”
Alesso – “I Wanna Know”
Ariana Grande – “Into You”

BEST EDITING
Beyoncé – “Format
Adele – “Hello”
Fergie – “M.I.L.F. $”
David Bowie – “Lazarus”
Ariana Grande – “Into You”

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
Coldplay – “Up&Up”
FKA Twigs – “M3LL155X”
Adele – “Send My Love (To Your New Lover)”
The Weeknd – “Can’t Feel My Face”
Zayn – “PILLOWTALK”

WOW NO WILDEST DREAMS OR EVEN OUT OF THE WOODS BUT THEY NOMINATE FAMOUS AND THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR HAHAHAHHAHAHHA GO MTV

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Then Tree tried to damage control and say that Taylor was too busy in 2015 to get nominated for a VMA this year if that makes any sense lol:

“But Swift was not “snubbed” at all. The singing superstar was on tour for the vast part of last year, and not putting out new songs. Additionally, it seems Swift’s team never submitted the handful of videos that still trickled out at the end of 2015 since she never planned on attending this year’s ceremony.”

WTF SHE PUT OUT A LOT OF NEW SONGS LAST YEAR, BUT WHATEVER YOU SAY TREE

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Later on in July, Tay and Tom were later seen in Santa Monica to make it seem like she’s okay after not getting any VMA nominations haha:

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TOM LOOKS SO CONSTIPATED IN THESE PICS AND WTF ARE WITH TAY’S SHOES LOL

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After that, Kanye dissed Taylor twice!

Kanye, on his favorite Taylor Swift song: “For me? I don’t have one.”

“All I gotta say is, I am so glad my wife has Snapchat,” Kanye told the screaming crowd. “Because now y’all can know the truth. And can’t nobody talk s–t about ‘Ye no more.”

THIS IS WHY I LOVE KANYE

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Then, Troian Bellisario aka Spencer Hastings from Pretty Little Liars did the lord a favor by dissing Taylor too:

“Oh god, I have such an aversion to the Kardashians because I literally don’t understand people’s obsession with them and I don’t want to accept them as our closest thing to a royal family, so I guess I would be Team Taylor Swift?” she told Cosmopolitan. “However, I’m so appalled by what I consider to be her false feminism. It seems like she’s this person who’s like, ‘Sisterhood!’ and then she does nothing but tear down the women that were once her friends. So is it possible to just be, like … this is a two-party system that I don’t want to be a part of? Can I just say that? Can I say that I would choose the Green Party in this?”

I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LOVE TROIAN BELLISARIO

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Moving on, Cara can’t act her away out of paper bag Delevingne name dropped Tay to promote Suicide Squad lol pathetic cunt:

DID ANYBODY ELSE GET BORED BY THIS OBVIOUSLY FAKE STORY OR WAS IT JUST ME?

 

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BTW, NOT ONLY DID SUICIDE SQUAD GET TERRIBLE REVIEWS, CARA ALSO GOT TERRIBLE REVIEWS FOR HER PERFORMANCE:

“It is a mystery almost as deep as the question of why Ayer thought it was a good idea to cast model-turned-actress Cara Delevingne as the film’s villain. Playing Enchantress, a resuscitated witch from the past who inhabits the body of a scientist laughably named June Moone, and who threatens the End of Life as We Know It, the “Paper Towns” actress can at least be counted on to deliver several of the film’s few-and-far-between laughs.

None of them, in her case, are intentional.”

“The former model fails to convince as a woman with ancient origins who can finagle people’s brains and longs to be worshipped. Looking the part of a psychotic spirit animal is not enough. Intensity is required, and she doesn’t have the gravitas to pull it off.”

I GUESS CARA CAN KISS THAT FILM CAREER GOODBYE LOL

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That’s it for the July post. Oh gosh it’s good to be back my friends! I’ll probably return later on or maybe tomorrow with the August posts and omfg that is just full of pathetic damage control stunts. And, the September post will be amazing and awesome unlike Taylor hahahhahahaa. Goodbye everyone see you later on or maybe tomorrow!!

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