Hello again my amazing readers! I’m back once again with a new post about everyone’s favorite closet case Taylor Swift. Today, I’m gonna talk about Tay and Tom’s contract expiring!! I’m gonna recap everything that had happened in that horrible PR stunt of a fauxlationship and I’m gonna laugh about every stupid thing they did together, because let’s face it: They embarrassed themseleves a lot this year and they’re both fucking laughing stocks now lol. Let me tell you all about it:
On September 6th, the greatest thing happened: Tay and Tom’s contract expired!!!!!
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston have broken up after three months of dating.
The former couple began dating earlier this summer, just two weeks after Taylor split from ex Calvin Harris.
Taylor and Tom proceeded to have a whirlwind summer travelling the globe and meeting each other’s families but things just didn’t work out, according to People.
“She was the one to put the brakes on the relationship. Tom wanted the relationship to be more public than she was comfortable with. Taylor knew the backlash that comes with public displays of affection but Tom didn’t listen to her concerns when she brought them up,” a source explained.
Another source added, “It was an intense start. No one can keep that kind of momentum going.”
Although the couple are no longer together, sources say they plan to remain friends.
THEY’RE GONNA REMAIN FRIENDS HUH
Now onto my recap of this fauxlationship. Let’s take a trip down memory lane shall we:
From when they 1st met at the Met Gala (while she was still fake-dating Calvin) badly dancing the night away in a video her girlfriend Karlie filmed (so awkward wow):
To when they kissed and frolicked on a Rhode Island beach uncomfortably:
To how everyone in the entire world was quick to call the fauxlationship out:
To them getting on Taylor’s “private plane”
To this ridiculous story about having expressos and then wine afterwards remember that fuckery lol:
“Tom and Taylor were … in the back left booth drinking white wine,” an eyewitness tells Us Weekly. “They were very cute, a lot of laughing, giggling, as she showed him texts and photos on her phone.”
The pair couldn’t keep their hands off each other either. “They were interlacing their fingers across the table and laughing,” the onlooker said, noting that they ordered the restaurant’s famous Avondale Swan pastry with whipped cream and fudge. The “Wildest Dreams” songstress, 26, and Avengers actor, 35, stayed at the restaurant for more than two and a half hours, the eyewitness adds. They even ordered after-dinner espressos and lingered past 11:30 p.m.
To Tom wearing the same clothes whenever he was around the cunt lol:
To attending that Selena Gomez concert omfg lol:
To those not so awkward dinner dates in Nashville:
To meeting his mom after “dating” for 10 days, because that’s normal:
To those nonexistent chemistry photo ops they did in Rome:
To that 4th of July party that looked like a party thrown for 5-year-olds:
DOES UNCLE CREEPY NEED A BACK BRACE?
To when Tom was filmed in the background of a 4th of July video hugging his boyfriend Luke Windsor and Tay was near her girlfriend:
To Tom looking like his doll just got taken away by security when he was at LAX with the cunt:
To Tay wearing Karlie’s necklace while with Tom:
To them doing this when a paparazzo asked if they were in a fauxlationship:
To another really awkward dinner in Australia where Tay decided to let those fake implants of hers hangout (if anyone really wanted to see those Taylor lol):
To Richard Lawson, (a writer from Vanity Fair) outing Tom on Twitter:
To Tom refusing to talk about the bitch and posing with his fans lol:
To Tay doing damage control for the fauxlationship:
To Tom denying that their fauxlationship was a publicity stunt oh gosh this one’s a classic:
“Well, um. How best to put this? The truth is that Taylor Swift and I are together and we’re very happy. Thanks for asking,” Tom responded. “That’s the truth. It’s not a publicity stunt.”
To Tay and Tom paying their faux friends Chris Hemsworth and Martha Hunt to say that they were “happy” in their fauxlationship oh dear lol:
“I love that they’re both happy and free together,” Martha said. “It’s amazing, I’m all about people being happy in love.”
“I haven’t met her personally, but she’s obviously hugely talented. As I said, I haven’t met her. I think they only got here three or four days ago and I’ve seen Tom around. He looks happy, mate. Yeah!” Chris said.
He was also asked if he plans on asking Taylor to sign an autograph for his daughter India. “No, I’ll just ask her to sing a song,” he replied. “Hand her the guitar in between sit-ups for the cameras and I’ll be like, ‘Off you go.’ A couple tunes would be nice.”
OKAY THESE QUOTES ARE LITERALLY THE SAME THING LIKE WTF DID TREE & LUKE COPY OFF OF EACH OTHER OR SOMETHING
To how instead of defending his faux GF after the Kimye thing, Tom decided to go on a run:
To Tom and Tay finally working out together (separately):
To Taylor showing off her cracked phone and avoiding the paparazzi slender man style:
To Robert Downey Jr. shading the fauxlationship on Instagram:
To Tom getting embarrassed at comic con:
To another awkward date in Santa Monica (this was their last photo op together btw):
To Tay and Tom working out together separately again (like seriously what kind of “couple” does this shit lol):
Then, we get to September 6th and it’s the day when the contract expires and Tom is like this:
In conclusion, this fauxlationship was real as Tay’s implants and ass hahahahhahah. Oh gosh, I’m so happy the contract expired omfg. But, I do think it was supposed to go on way longer than this. I do think they were gonna do the faux engagement stunt, but Kimye and Calvin ruined everything. I hope Tom is sending them all roses and chocolates for ending the fauxlationship early. Also, this fauxlationship ended just in time for the Emmys!!! I hope Tom puts on a graceful smile as he loses to either Idris Elba or Cuba Gooding Jr. Good luck at the Emmys Tom!! Also, good luck with that flop film career you’re gonna continue to have, because you’re a laughing stock now lol. Oh, and don’t you think I forgot about you Tay. Your empire destruction has just begun and I cannot wait until you have the mental breakdown you truly deserve. You won’t have anyone else left in your life except your cats, if your cats even truly like you lol. Goodbye everyone and I will be back with more news about the stupid bitch!