Good evening my beautiful readers. Nat is back with more news about everyone’s favorite stupid ho Taylor Alison Swift. Today in her dramatic fairytale adventures, I’m gonna talk about why she really wished faux friend Lorde a happy birthday (besides the fact that their record labels on both under the Universal Music Group umbrella). Also, Family Guy shaded the cunt as well lol. Let me tell you all about it:
Just last night, Tay “helped” celebrate her faux friend Lorde’s birthday with her faux friends Aziz Ansari (wtf), her faux DUFF Lena Dunham (who she hasn’t seen since like forever lol), her girlfriend Karlie Kloss and Mae Whitman (the hell?):
SOME OF THESE PICS LOOK SO AWKWARD AND STAGED AS HELL OMFG
Now let me tell you why this all happened:
Lorde released a letter on her Facebook page not only about turning 20, but she also teased new music:
A NOTE FROM THE DESK OF A NEWBORN ADULT
Tomorrow I turn 20, and it’s all I’ve been able to think about for days. I walk around the city, up by the park and by the health food store and down into the subway, this new age hanging in front of my eyes like two of those Mylar balloons that never come down. Can people see it, I wonder, that I’m about to cross over? On the subway I stare at boys I want to kiss and girls I want to hug. Do you see me?
I’m eating raspberries sitting up in bed, thinking about watching The Crown, and I probably should have written something nicer ages ago but my head is so full of lyrics and drums these days that this is all I can manage. But it feels very important I write to you, for some reason.
I was 16 when most of us met. Can you believe it? I laugh thinking about that me now – that glossy idiot god, princess of her childhood streets, handmade and ugly and sure of herself.
All my life I’ve been obsessed with adolescence, drunk on it. Even when I was little, I knew that teenagers sparkled. I knew they knew something children didn’t know, and adults ended up forgetting.
Since 13 I’ve spent my life building this giant teenage museum, mausoleum maybe, dutifully wolfishly writing every moment down, and repeating it all back like folklore. And now there isn’t any more of it.
(*insert that emoji that looks like it’s eating its own face with worry, and also the one with sunglasses, and maybe also the poo*)
And I know, I know! There’s different stuff. Stuff that’s just as good, maybe better, just in a different way. If I’m being real with myself, in some ways I stopped feeling like a teenager a while ago.
Sometime in the last year or so, part of me crossed over. For one thing, I made a very deliberate choice to withdraw for a little while from a public life. I haven’t had my hair or makeup done in a year, the free handbags dried up LONG ago, and the paparazzi at the airport are almost always for someone else. And let me tell you, as much as I love being full noise album cycle girl, it’s been a motherfucking joy. (every once in a while I am recognised on the street – one of you breathlessly clutches my hand, shaking and speaking quickly, and I feel this SHOCK of love.)
I turned inwards to my friends, my family, towards this moment, so I could learn more about who I was, and so I could let this new project show itself to me.
And oh my god, it was a colossal year! One for the ages. I maxed out every single emotion I have in the best possible way, the colours still aching behind my eyes like this weird blissful hangover.
My heart broke. I moved out of home and into the city and I made new friends and started to realize that no-one is just good or bad, that everyone is both. I started to discover in a profound, scary, blood-aching way who I was when I was alone, what I did when I did things only for myself. I was reckless and graceless and terrifying and tender. I threw sprawling parties and sat in restaurants until the early hours, learning what it’s like to be an adult, even talking like one sometimes, until I caught myself. All I wanted to do was dance. I whispered into ears and let my eyes blaze on high and for the first time I felt this intimate, empire-sized inner power.
And then I wrote a record about it, all of it, so much more than what I’ve written down here, and I’m in new york getting it done. And tomorrow, I’m not a kid any more, and more and more I’m realizing that the weirdness of those Mylar balloons is going to be okay.
Writing Pure Heroine was my way of enshrining our teenage glory, putting it up in lights forever so that part of me never dies, and this record – well, this one is about what comes next.
I want nothing more than to spill my guts RIGHT NOW about the whole thing – I want you to see the album cover, pore over the lyrics (the best I’ve written in my life), touch the merch, experience the live show. I can hardly stop myself from typing out the name. I just need to keep working a while longer to make it as good as it can be. You’ll have to hold on. The big day is not tomorrow, or even next month realistically, but soon. I know you understand.
Oh my god it’s midnight now!!! I’m 20 fuck!!!!! And my perfect little brother Angelo is 15!! Happy birthday, kid. Sorry your sister is so weird and emotional in public all the time.
What i’m trying to say is: this is a special birthday. The party is about to start. I am about to show you the new world.
I love you forever.
Karlie has the Victoria’s Secret fashion show coming up (wanna bet that Tay is gonna make this entire event about herself?):
The 2016 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is promising to be bigger than ever. Not only is it in a new location—Paris, of all places—but Kendall Jenner, Karlie Kloss, Irina Shayk, Gigi and Bella Hadid will take to the catwalk in their finest lingerie.
This was just announced about Aziz:
Momofuku’s app, Ando, already has a celebrity chef. Now it has celebrity investors.
Aziz Ansari and Jimmy Fallon are two of the angel investors behind Momofuku restaurateur David Chang’s investment round for the tech project.
Ando is a delivery-only service available in select New York neighborhoods. The food is made in an undisclosed location, and the recipes are designed specifically for delivery. New York customers within the Midtown East delivery zone can order cheesesteak, fried chicken and other lunch or dinner options through the mobile app or online.
The company this week raised $7 million in a Series A round led by Forerunner. This round is the first time Chang has taken on any significant venture financing for any of his restaurants.
and this as well:
The Smithsonian has announced this year’s winners of their American Ingenuity Awards for innovation in art, science, and culture, AP reports. They include comedian Aziz Ansari, as well as David Lynch for his work bringing transcendental meditation techniques to inner-city schools. Rock band and novelty-video-institution OK Go are also being recognized for this year’s “Upside Down & Inside Out” video, which was shot in zero gravity. Other winners include LeeAnne Walters, a mother who helped spread awareness of the water crisis in Flint, and Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon.com. The ceremony takes place on December 8.
Lena just released a terrible rap video supporting Hillary Clinton (make this fat bitch stop):
Also, Mae’s film Operator just came out on DVD & Video On Demand today:
And, you all know why Taylor is hanging out with Aziz, Lena and Mae right?
Now onto Family Guy making fun of the stupid bitch:
On Sunday, Family Guy decided to poke fun at Tay lol:
GO SETH OMFG
That’s the end of this post, folks. Oh gosh, I love how it was supposed to be Lorde’s birthday, but people are acting like it’s Taylor’s birthday like wtf. If I were Lorde, I would’ve been so fucking pissed. But, I’d like to applaud Seth MacFarlene for shading the cunt. That was the probably the most hilarious Family Guy episode I’ve seen in a long time. So, thank you lol. But, do you guys think Tay is gonna try to sue Seth for telling the truth about her? I sure hope not. If she does, she’s an even more crazier bitch than I thought lol. That’s all for now. I’ll be back though with more about the spoiled brat soon folks. Bye!