He Who Shall Not Be Named has resurfaced & she has a new beard!

Good afternoon bitches! Nat is finally back to share with you some news about everyone’s favorite whiny drama queen Taylor Alison Swift! I’m so happy to be back to report that Lord Voldemort has finally come out of the closet (No, not that one! Silly people, she would never come out of THAT closet hahahahahahahhaha). She has finally come out of the closet she has been hiding in and she has finally resurfaced!!!!! I’m gonna talk about not only that, but the new beard she found in irrelevancyville! Also, I’m also gonna talk about her ex-beard Harry Styles supposedly writing a song about her lmfao and Katy Perry talking shit about her left and right and that song she wrote about her which she sang with Nicki Minaj (YASSSSSSSSSS!) Let’s get this return party started!

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On April 13th, some fans speculated that Harry’s new song, Ever Since New York is about Taylor oh dear why:

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Funny, how they think that the song is about Haylor when this was also happening at the time:

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Moving on now, on April 20th, Tay’s goblin of a faux friend Ed Sheeran was named one of Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People list (What the actual fuck!? How much did Ed pay for that honor lol) and Tay decided to make his news all about her, I mean congratulate her faux friend on his honor haha:

The 27-year-old singer penned an essay about him for Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People feature in which she said that Ed‘s “protected by an impenetrable and ever-present armor of enthusiasm that has helped him endure any setback, letdown or underestimation.”

“A few years ago, in a rare moment of admitting feeling defeated, Ed said to me, ”I’m never going to win a Grammy.’ Yes, you are, I said. You’re going to sweep the whole thing one of these years,” Taylor wrote. “It was a few weeks later when he met me in a dance-shoe store in London, where I was picking out rehearsal outfits, and said, ‘You have to hear this.’ It was a song he’d just finished called “Thinking Out Loud,” which went on to win Song of the Year at the Grammy Awards in 2016.”

She added, “Congratulations to my friend Ed, for the legacy you’ve already built and the brilliant hook you probably just came up with five minutes ago.”

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Funny, how Tay did this before Ed dropped the music video for his new song Galway Girl on May 4th:

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Moreover, something else happened on May 4th! Tay was forced to promote her faux friends/fellow Sony artists Haim on Instagram!

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Also, that same night, Tay’s faux friend Gaygi Hadid stopped by Tay’s apartment to pick up a paycheck from her boss:

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WHY DOESN’T SHE LOOK HAPPY TO BE PICKING UP A PAYCHECK FROM TAYLOR SWIFT? ALSO, WHO TF WEARS THAT WHEN PICKING UP A PAYCHECK, TOO?

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Ironic how Gigi is photographed going inside of her boss’ apartment before these 2 announcements:

Speaking of Tommy Hilfiger, the 22-year-old model recently renewed her contract with the fashion house to continue designer her Tommy x Gigi collection for two more seasons!

Gigi is a force in the fashion industry and the ultimate Tommy Girl,” Tommy Hilfiger said, via Los Angeles Times. “Her positive, down-to-earth energy and cool, effortless style continue to captivate her audiences around the world. I have loved designing the Tommy x Gigi collections with her and I look forward to continuing our partnership for another year.”

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Let’s move on now to May 10th: Some fans and some media outlets thinks Harry’s other new song Two Ghosts might be about Taylor considering these lyrics:

Same lips, red / Same eyes, blue / Same white shirt, couple more tattoos / But it’s not you and it’s not me / Tastes so sweet, looks so real / Sounds like something that I used to feel / But I can’t touch what I see / We’re not who we used to be / We’re not who we used to be / We’re just two ghosts singing in the…” Harry‘s lyrics read.

MMMM SAME EYES BLUE, SAME WHITE SHIRT & COUPLE MORE TATTOOS HUH

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On May 13th, a miracle happened! Lord Voldemort finally came out of hiding and it looks like she might’ve gotten ass implants (Or did she gain weight? You decide from looking at the pics).

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DID SOMEONE NOT WANT TO LOOK PUT TOGETHER IN FRONT OF THE PAPS SHE OBVIOUSLY CALLED? LOL, HOW PATHETIC. ALSO, I DO THINK SHE ACTUALLY DID GET ASS IMPLANTS, CAUSE JUST LOOK AT THESE OLD PICS OF HERS:

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Back to some Gigi news gross, Tay wanted to make Gigi’s Harper Bazaar interview about her by telling lies about how “great of a friend” Gigi is lol these bitches are so delusional:

“As a friend, Gigi is one of the first people I go to for advice. She has this incredible ability to see all sides of a situation and simplify it for you, to see the complexity of people,” the 27-year-old singer said of her 22-year-old friend. “Gigi’s #1 rule is to treat people the way she’d want to be treated, so she’s on time (or early) to work, says hello to everyone on set, asks them how they are, and actually listens to their response. She is an innately kind and inclusive person who has managed to become a huge power player and businesswoman without ever compromising that.”

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Also, how hilarious that Tay did this for her fellow death eater before this came out (no pun intended) for Gigi:

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WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING IN THIS PIC? LIKE, IS SHE POSSESSED OR HIGH IN THIS PIC?

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Now onto some desperate famewhore news: Tay finally found a new desperate and gay British actor to be her new beard!

Taylor Swift has been keeping out of the spotlight, but she might have a new man in her life!

The 27-year-old superstar is reportedly dating 26-year-old British actor Joe Alwyn, according to The Sun.

The rumored couple have been keeping the relationship under wraps by donning disguises while out together in Joe‘s hometown of London.

Taylor and Joe are the real deal, this is a very serious relationship. But after what happened with Tom Hiddleston, they were determined to keep it quiet,” a source explained.

They added, “Taylor has flown in via private jets and her security has made it a military-like mission to prevent her from being seen.”

Taylor has also reportedly been renting a house in North London while spending time with Joe.

We can’t wait to see when the couple will make their public debut!

OH GOSH, I SWEAR TREE KEEPS RECYCLING THE SAME STORIES FOR HER BEARDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AHHAAHAHHAHAHA BTW IF ANY OF YOU CARE THIS IS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE:

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OOPS! SORRY, WRONG PHOTO! THIS IS HIM:

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Also, doesn’t he look like someone we all know?

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Joe also looks a little bit like Tay’s younger brother Austin too omfg:

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WHY DOES TAY ALWAYS PICK BEARDS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY COULD BE HER BROTHER?

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Oh and I also found a video that was filmed back in October 2016 which proves that that stunt was in the works:

SO, WHEN THE DRAKE DEAL FELL THROUGH JOE WAS PLAN B OMFG

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BTW, A mere 5 DAYS after Tay and Joe’s publicists released the news about the fauxlationship, a new image from Joe’s upcoming film titled Keepers got released omfg:

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Also, on May 19th something great happened! Katy Perry finally released her new song titled Swish Swish featuring Nicki Minaj! After the song was released, people speculated that the song is in fact about Lord Voldemort! Have a listen people!

THIS IS MY JAM OMFG

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Ofc, Tay knew this song was all about her and got her faux irrelevant friends such Ruby Rose and Joseph Kahn to diss Katy on Twitter lol these dumb bitches:

NICE TRY BITCH, WE ALL KNOW YOU DO IT FOR THE PAYCHECK AND PUBLICITY. BTW, WEREN’T YOU LEECHING ONTO KATY WAY BEFORE YOU WERE LEECHING ONTO TAY?

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Funny how Barty Crouch Jr. was paid to defend Lord Voldemort before this film came out on DVD:

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DIDN’T THIS FILM JUST COME OUT IN JANUARY? WHY IS IT ALREADY OUT ON DVD?

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After that embarrassing publicity stunt, Ruby’s publicist made her apology:

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Joseph Kahn aka that irrelevant director who also directed some of Tay’s awful videos tweeted this:

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After that hot mess, Katy decided to shade the bitch by saying all of this:

“There’s a situation. Honestly, it’s really like she started it, and it’s time for her to finish it,” Katy began.

She continued, “I tried to talk to her about it and she wouldn’t speak to me…I do the right thing any time that it feels like a fumble. It was a full shutdown and then she writes a song about me, and I’m like, OK, cool, cool, cool, that’s how you want to deal with it? Karma!”

Katy added that she just wanted the drama to be done with but admitted that she felt she had to respond to Taylor.

“But what I want to say is that I’m ready for that BS to be done. Now, there is the law of cause and effect. You do something, there’s going to be a reaction, and trust me daddy, there’s going to be a reaction. It’s all about karma, right? I think personally that women together, not divided, and none of this petty bulls**t, women together will heal the world,” Katy said.

“I did try and reach out to her. I tried to do the right thing, the good thing, and you know, she shut me down and wrote a song,” Katy said.

Katy was then asked if she would pick up the phone right now if Taylor called or FaceTime’d and Katy replied, “Absolutely.”

“By the way, I am ready, because I think when women unite, the world is going to heal…I don’t have any beef with anyone. I love everyone, and honestly, I love everyone and I think we need to unite more than ever….We need to come together and love on each other today,” Katy continued.

LOOK, I DON’T LIKE KATY MUCH LIKE THE NEXT PERSON, BUT THERE WERE NO LIES DETECTED IN WHAT SHE SAID

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Just yesterday, Tay and Joe were reportedly spotted together jetting Tay’s private jet plane oh dear just keep recycling your fauxlationships Tay lol:

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I THOUGHT TAY WANTED A PRIVATE “RELATIONSHIP” WITH HER BEARD LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TAY?

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That’s it for this post. Wow, damn I wrote so much today lol. But, I had to inform you guys about Lord Voldemort’s huge return. Also, I wonder how long this fauxlationship is going to last, cause I can’t picture this fauxlationship going on for a year and a half just like the Calvin one. I just hope Joe doesn’t do anything to piss Tay off so that she could extend it for another year as punishment. Also, Joe doesn’t know what he signed up for like dude, I know you thought that Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk was supposed to be your Hurt Locker, but is this truly the way? Good luck with that flop movie career you’re going to have after the contract expires. Moreover, so basically what Tay and Tree are trying to tell us that Taylor not only “dated” 3 GUYS back in 2016, but that she also started “dating” Joe a month after her and Tom “broke up”. Like, Tay better not complain the next time someone questions her on how many guys she “dates”, like bitch you wanted the slutty pop star image, you’re getting it. Furthermore, I wonder what her 4th of July party will look like this time. Will she include clowns or even a guy doing magic tricks since she had that big slide last year lol. Also, I wonder what she will make Joe wear at her party? Jeans that has Taylor’s initials on the back or a Taylor Swift varsity jacket that has her bad lyrics on each arm? Can’t wait to report on that! Well, that’s it for me, for now anyway. Like I’ve been doing for the past year or so, I will be keeping a close eye on this fauxlationship and how dumb and immature Tay acts as well. I’m very happy to be back to report with you guys about the dumb bitch and goodbye now! I’ll see you all very soon!

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