I’m finally back with more news about Lord Voldemort, her death eaters and her ugly beard!

Hello bitches. Guess whose finally back with more news about everyone’s favorite snake cult leader Taylor Alison Swift aka Lord Voldemort? If you guessed me, you’re definitely correct, my friends. Sorry, I’ve been away guys, I was in California and I was at Warner Brothers Studio & Comic Con! I unfortunately didn’t see Uncle Creepy aka Tom Hiddleston though. But, gosh imagine if I had I would’ve reminded him so much of his past fauxlationship with that cunt lol. Anyway, enough about that asshole now, this is about Lord Voldemort’s ridiculous tales. I’m gonna talk about everything that has been happening from late June to late July. A lot has happened for instance: Katy Perry rightfully shaded the bitch, Haim needed some attention for their terrible album and so they name dropped their death eater boss, Flopena Homez needed some promotion for her awful song that is currently flopping and so she called up Lord Voldemort to help her promote it (how pathetic btw lol and yet people call her one of the most popular singers of this century lol cool story bro) and she finally steps out with her ugly ass beard Joe Whats-his-face again and my gosh are the pics one of the most awkward ass photo op pics I’ve ever seen. Let’s get this back from vacation party started:

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On June 8th, Katy Perry opened up in an interview about how Tay tried to assassinate her character:

“No one has asked me about my side of the story, and there are three sides of every story: one, two, and the truth,” Katy said (via EW). “I mean, I’m not Buddha — things irritate me. I wish that I could turn the other cheek every single time, but I’m also not a pushover, you know? Especially when someone tries to assassinate my character with little girls [her fans]. That’s so messed up!”

THAT’S RIGHT KATY! SHADE THE BITCH!!!!!

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The next day, Lord Voldemort did one of the most petty, ridiculous, immature and hypocritical things ever: She released her entire music catalogue on all streaming services (Yes, including Spotify) on the same day as Katy dropped her new album Witness:

Taylor Swift just hit a major milestone so she is celebrating tonight by doing something special for fans!

The 27-year-old singer will be releasing her entire back catalog on all streaming services tonight (June 8) at midnight.

“In celebration of 1989 selling over 10 million albums worldwide and the RIAA’s 100 million song certification announcement, Taylor wants to thank her fans by making her entire back catalog available to all streaming services tonight at midnight,” her official fan account tweeted.

Two years ago, Taylor wrote an open letter to Apple Music about why she doesn’t support streaming, but the company swiftly changed their policy and she forged a partnership with them.

Something to note is that Katy Perry‘s new album Witness will also be dropping on streaming services at midnight!

Taylor Swift‘s entire back catalog of music is now available to stream on Spotify and all other streaming services!

The 27-year-old singer famously removed her music from streaming services as she didn’t feel that artists were being paid fairly for their work. After writing an open letter to Apple Music, the company changed their policy and she forged a partnership with them, allowing the service to stream her songs.

Now, all other services like Spotify, Tidal, Amazon Music, and more have the songs!

Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, Taylor‘s music hit the streaming services at the same exact time as her rival Katy Perry‘s brand new album Witness.

I LOVE HOW THESE ARTICLES TALK ABOUT HOW SHE TOOK HER MUSIC OFF OF THESE STREAMING SERVICES AFTER SHE COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW SHE I MEAN ALL OF HER FELLOW MUSIC ARTISTS ALSO DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH EVEN THOUGH SHE I MEAN THESE OTHER ARTISTS HAVE ENOUGH MONEY ALREADY

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Moreover, former death eater token black faux friend Zoe Kravitz was on Watch What Happens live promoting her film Rough Night and revealed that she hasn’t seen Tay in a long time omfg:

WOW AND LOL AT ZOE JUST SAYING THAT SHE KNOWS TAYLOR AND NOT SAYING THEY WERE SPECIFICALLY FRIENDS ROFL

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Now onto some messiness with fellow death eater/Universal Music artist Lorde, death eater Lorde decided to name drop her death eater boss with some shade oh fucking shit lol:

Lorde is opening up about the difficulty of maintaining a friendship with her pal Taylor Swift, and used a strange analogy to make her point clear!

“It’s like having a friend with very specific allergies,” the 20-year-old entertainer told The Guardian about being friends with Taylor, 27. “There are certain places you can’t go together. Certain things you can’t do. There are these different sets of considerations within the friendship. It’s like having a friend with an autoimmune disease.”

OMFG SHE FUCKING COMPARED TAY TO AN ACTUAL VIRUS I CAN’T OMFG

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The next day, Tay made Lorde apologized I mean Lorde apologized on her own terms lol:

SOMEONE ISN’T GETTING THEIR PAYCHECK HAHA

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Furthermore, on June 22nd, Haim decided to get some promotion for their dumb album by name dropping fellow Sony artist Lord Voldemort lol in ES Magazine these dumb bitches haha:

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Alana Haim on possibly collaborating with pal Taylor Swift: “The door is always open.”

EW, JUST IMAGINE A COLLAB BETWEEN TAY & HAIM GROSS

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On June 27th, some awkward ass shit happened lol, Tay made a video message for NBA star Russell Westbrook and decided to make her video message all about herself ofc ughhhhh:

WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE SHE JUST LEFT THE DENTIST AFTER BEING ON ANESTHESIA FOR ABOUT 2-3 HOURS STRAIGHT

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On June 30th, Tay’s ex beard Calvin Harris decided to talk about why their contract expired yet again oh gosh ughhhhh shut up:

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Also, love how he name dropped her the exact SAME DAY his album Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1 drops (What kind of name for an album? Lol, did he rip off the Guardians of the Galaxy album? Haha.):

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Still on June 30th, according to Tay’s delusional fans, Tay was spotted heading to Rhode Island with her beard Joe whatever his last name based on these grainy ass pics omfg wtf lol:

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OH DEAR, TREE AND JOE’S PUBLICIST COULD’VE HIRED 2 PEOPLE TO PRETEND TO BE TAY AND JOE AND WHY ARE YOU GUYS BASING IT BASED ON THESE POOR ASS GRAINY PICS

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Also, the bitch didn’t even throw a 4th of July party lol. Guess no one wanted to come to her whiny immature bitch bash this year lol. I bet this is what her party looked like this year:

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Anyway, on July 7th, Lorde fucked up again by basically admitting that she doesn’t hang out with her fellow death eaters haha oh gosh lol:

Lorde has always been considered a member of Taylor Swift‘s squad, but it seems she is distancing herself from that idea.

The 20-year-old singer was asked how she copes with mixing in circles with her idols like Taylor Swift and Beyonce.

“The second you think too hard about it, you just go insane, so it’s best to be like, ‘We’re in wonderland. That’s just what happens around here,’” she said. “Also, I don’t hang out with these people at all.”

When the interviewer said she’s a member of Taylor‘s squad, she responded, “You know, you make friends in different places, but I think for the most part I’m not, like, calling my idols for advice necessarily.”

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That very same day, Lorde was then forced to apologize again unless she wanted her paycheck to be revoked lol:

Lorde is speaking out to clarify interview comments she gave that have been misconstrued into people thinking she isn’t friends with Taylor Swift anymore.

The 20-year-old singer was asked about getting to meet some of her idols and she said “I don’t hang out with these people at all.”

The way the interview video was edited, it almost sounded like she was talking about Taylor and her squad.

“Wow – something of a frustrating thing to have to address online but here we go. Taylor is a dear friend. I love her very much. In the interview in question I had just been talking about Bowie and Patti Smith – those were the ‘idols’ i was referring to that I was saying I’m not friends with, not Taylor!” Lorde said in her statement on Twitter.

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On July 13th, Tay was forced to promote fellow Universal Music artist Flopena Homez’s new awful single Fetish which is currently flopping btw so I guess Taylor Swift isn’t as powerful as everyone thought she was lol:

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ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS LOOK AND FACIAL EXPRESSION FLOPENA HAS ON THE SINGLE COVER? IS SHE FOLLOWING IN HER DEATH EATER BOSS’ FOOTSTEPS & TRYING TO RIP OFF LANA DEL REY NOW, TOO?

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On July 17th, an odd story came out about Lord Voldemort:

IF THIS IS SERIOUSLY TRUE, WHICH I WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST HER IF IT WAS LIKE BITCH YOU’RE EVEN CRAZIER THAN I THOUGHT LOL ALSO, I DIDN’T KNOW TALL ASS LANKY SNAKES COULD EVEN FIT IN SUITCASES

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On the exact same day, Tree I mean a source of Tay’s denied this story:

A photo agency, Splash News, made a claim in a photo caption today that Taylor Swift was being carried in and out of her apartment via a very large suitcase.

It turns out, Splash News had to retract the story and told Just Jared that they’ve updated the caption on their site.

“I literally just put the phone down from someone on Taylor’s camp,” a Splash representative told Spin. “We’re having to actually retract that.”

The photographer who made the claim apparently was “not really a regular photographer that we [Splash News] use[s].”

“The report stated it as a fact, which we actually don’t know,” the Splash rep continued. “How could we?”

OH TREE LOL

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On July 20th, some unexpected news came out about Tay and a certain artist whom I despise lol:

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK LIKE ZAYN WOULD WANT TO DO THAT SHIT AND THEIR SCHEDULES WILL NOT MESH TOGETHER SINCE ZAYN LIKES TO CANCEL LIKE 2 DAYS BEFORE HE’S ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO PERFORM OR EVEN SHOW UP SOMEWHERE

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Then on July 23rd, Lord Voldemort emerged from the smokes once again for a photo op in New York:

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IF I HADN’T SEEN THE 1ST PIC AND JUST THE 2ND ONE, I HONESTLY WOULD’VE THOUGHT IT WAS A VERY TALL BOY OR MAN IN THAT PIC LOL

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2 days after these Daily Fail pics, Lord Voldemort and her snake beard finally came out (no pun intended) of hiding for a romantic photo op stroll across New York (just kidding lol):

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JUST LOOK AT THAT AMAZING NONEXISTENT CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THESE TWO WOW LOL ALSO WHY ARE THEY DRESSED UP LIKE TWIN DEMENTOR BITCHES?

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That’s all for this post, but I’ll be back soon to report more about the cunt and her dumbass misadventures lol. Also can I just say how happy I am to be back writing this blog for everyone. I love telling and showing you guys the real her, that’s my favorite part about writing this blog for you guys. But back to our main bitch of the hour, at least we’re actually making progress with her, I mean, we got not 1, but 2 photo ops in New York!!!! BTW, this is actual proof that she calls the paparazzi like this bitch can go incognito if she wants to so swifties you guys can stop saying she doesn’t call the paparazzi when she clearly does lol. Also, I think she’s gearing up to drop a surprise album a la Beyonce. Also, if she actually rips off Beyonce, I hope the beehive swoops in & attacks the bitch. And, if you guys don’t know, Katy Perry is hosting the VMAS and I wouldn’t be shocked if Tay made a surprising appearance to take attention away from the host. Well, I’ll be leaving now people. But, I will be back to spill more tea about Lord Voldemort and her death eater tales. Bye people!!!!

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4 comments

  1. DGGYST · July 30

    This post was just fun.as.fuck. Bonus points for the buffy gif!

    Liked by 1 person

    • SassyAF28 · July 30

      Thanks I try! Also, I’ve been watching Buffy so that’s the reason why lol

      Liked by 1 person

      • DGGYST · July 30

        I just watched the one where buffy’s roomate is listening to celine dion over and over again and eating hard boiled eggs lol

        Liked by 1 person

  2. SassyAF28 · July 30

    I’m way passed that one I’m on the one where Riley lets Buffy into the initiative and after I met Adam lol that one freaked me out lol

    Like

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