Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas: A match made in beard heaven

Hello my beautiful and amazing readers! I’m back once again to tell you more about everyone’s favorite fairytale storyteller lying bitch Taylor Alison Swift! I’m back to write about something that I’ve been wanting to write about for awhile now, but I’ve been so busy lately. But now, I’m going to write about a special little fauxlationship she had back in 2008. This story today will be about her fauxmance with 1/3 of the most popular Disney band in history and that is the Jonas Brothers. Back in 2008, Tay dated Joe Jonas and my gosh it was one of the most obvious fauxlationships of all time and so let me open that storybook for you guys and read about for ya:

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On July 9th, 2008, country music star (how ironic is that title now? lol) Taylor Swift was spotted at a Jonas Brothers by various fans in the audience:

OKAY, SERIOUSLY IF THEY WERE SUPPOSEDLY “DATING” AT THIS POINT, WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO TAKE AWAY THE ATTENTION FROM HER “BF” WHOSE CONCERT WAS THAT NIGHT?

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Also, during that concert, she was probably doing this the entire time while the Jonas Brothers were singing:

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4 days after that, Tay was a “Special guest” during a Jonas Brothers tour performance:

 

WOW FOR A PROFESSIONAL GUITARIST, SHE ALWAYS LOOKS SO AWKWARD PLAYING IT

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BTW, I love how all of these events happened before Tay’s EP Beautiful Eyes came out on July 15th:

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Also, before the Jonas Brothers performed on FNMTV on July 18th:

 

 

and before the Jonas Brothers Rolling Stone mag came out on July 23rd:

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The next month, on August 5th, MTV did an album preview for the Jonas Brothers’ 3rd studio album A Little Bit Longer:

The wait for the Jonas Brothers‘ epically anticipated new album, A Little Bit Longer just got a little bit shorter. Now you Jonas Brothers purists out there COULD wait until next Tuesday for the album’s official release, but how, exactly, would that be fun? Plus, you know you’ve already been downloading the tracks on iTunes, so go ahead and make it official — listen to every track off A Little Bit Longer before its official release, only on “The Leak.”

It’s just one of the zillions of things we do to keep our JB fans happy. From live blogging their FNMTV performanceposting a billion photos and videos, announcing their VMA performance… you know. But who’s counting? Hail Mary, OMJ.

Also, on the EXACT SAME DAY, the Jonas Brothers released their 2nd single from the album titled A Little Bit Longer:

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Funny how this happened a mere 5 DAYS before Taylor was contractually obligated to perform at another Jonas Brothers concert, this time at Madison Square Garden:

 

Also, love how this performance happened 2 DAYS before Tay’s song Change came out (no pun intended):

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and 2 DAYS before the Jonas Brothers 3rd album A Little Bit Longer came out:

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On August 14th, Tay was spotted in New York filming a scene for the Jonas Brothers’ concert film, Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience:

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GEEZ EVEN BACK IN 2008, SHE DRESSED BADLY

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The next day, Tay was spotted once again filming scenes for the 3-D movie this time with Joe’s brother Kevin:

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I LOVE HOW ANNOYED SHE LOOKS WHILE FILMING FOR THIS MOVIE

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Ironic how during the day she’s filming the movie, she announces the title of her 2nd studio album which is called Fearless and announced the release date as well omfg:

Aug 15, 2008

Hey!!

I’ve had an awesome week, I’ve been in NYC shooting for the Jonas Brothers 3D movie. It’s been so much fun! We stayed right across from Central Park and I could see the whole city every time I looked out my window. I’m so excited to tell you that Should’ve Said No is my 2nd NUMBER ONE single. THANK YOU! I’ve been doing interviews on the radio all week and I just want to say thank you. It wouldn’t have happened without you. So….. The VMA voting for Best New Artist is COMPLETELY fan voted! I just found that out for sure. AHHH!! I would love it so much if you’d go vote on MTV.com. I’d smile. A lot. Forever. So much smiling. I’m putting up a video that was shot on the set of the video for the first single— which is on the album “FEARLESS” that will be out NOVEMBER 11, 2008!!! I’m so excited that I can announce that and say it, and let everybody know when it’s coming out. You guys have been there for me and I can’t wait for you to hear this music. It’s just as personal as the first album, just as much name-dropping and anger and love and sadness and feelings and all that. By the way, when I post the video later on tonight.. the two people in it with me are John and Brianna, who won the TRL fan contest when I hosted TRL a while back. They came and hung out at the shoot. It was such a blast!! Cough VMA voting cough cough VMA voting cough MTV.com cough cough.

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-T-

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14 days after Lord Voldemort announced the Fearless news, she was spotted with her beard, his brothers and Flopena Homez in New York:

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WOW THEY ALL SURE DO LOOK HAPPY TO BE HANGING OUT WITH ONE ANOTHER

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Love how this hangout happened the EXACT SAME NIGHT, the Fearless artwork came out:

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and all of this info being released about the album too:

Her album, Fearless, will released by Big Machine Records on Tuesday, November 11, and contains 11 tracks, all written or co-written by Taylor.

Taylor co-produced the project with Nathan Chapman, and the first single, “Love Story,” from the new record will arrive at radio in early September.

By pre-ordering either the $75 Collector’s Box or $40 CD + Mosaic Combo, fans have the opportunity to have their photo included in a special mosaic that will be included in Taylor’s album packaging. This offer is only available for the first 10,000 fans who pre-order.

For more information and to pre-order the album, visit TheTaylorNation.com.

Also, before Flopena was featured in Teen Vogue 2008’s Young Hollywood Issue in September 2008:

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The next month was huge, because the Jonas Brothers and Taylor Swift both went to the 2008 VMAS together!!!!!!!!!!

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WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING WITH HER LEGS AND FEET?

Before they went inside, Tay and Joe presented for MTV from the Red Carpet:

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WOW THEY HAVE THE CHEMISTRY OF DRIED PAINT ON A WALL AND A STALE PIECE OF LOAF BREAD

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MTV even photographed them sitting next to each other during the awards show:

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Ironic how all of this awkward shit happened before Taylor was nominated for a CMA award:

Rascal Flatts joined Taylor Swift to announce nominations for the upcoming Country Music Association awards.

Taylor, 18, is up for top female vocalist and will be up against Alison Krauss, Miranda Lambert, Martina McBride, and Carrie Underwood.

and before Tay released her 1st single from Fearless titled Love Story:

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and the music video for the song getting released:

The next month was glorious, because this was finally announced about the bearding couple:

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas called it quits earlier this month, Us Weekly reported earlier today.

The 19-year-old Jonas Brother apparently broke up with the 18-year-old teen country superstar over the phone in early October after dating for several months.

Says the insider: “He broke her heart.”

Her MySpace page even confirms this. Taylor crossed out the description of her prince charming, which seems to perfectly describe her ex-boyfriend:

“I’ve never been the kind of girl who needs a boyfriend. Plus, guys don’t ask me out because they know I’ll write songs about them. But I’m also the girl who still believes prince charming exists somewhere out there– fully equipped with great hair and an immature sense of humor.”

Sounds like Joe is the reason for the teardrops on her guitar!

I LOVE HOW SHE PUT ON HER MYSPACE PAGE THAT SHE’S NEVER BEEN THE KIND OF GIRL WHO NEEDS A BF, TAY WERE YOU TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING BACK THEN?

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After the contract expired, Lord Voldemort went on Ellen to lie about how Joe broke up with her (sociopathic bitch smh):

 

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In November, to help promote Fearless, Tay said that Joe “cheated” on her with his former beard Camila Belle wow that fucking lying bitch smh:

Taylor Swift is laying it all out there, calling her ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas a cheater.

“[Joe and actress Camilla Belle] have been together for months,” Taylor tells OK!. “That’s why we broke up.” (Joe dumped Taylor over a 27-second phone call just last month. You do the math.)

It was reported yesterday that Joe, 19, has a new older love, 10,000 B.C. star Camilla, 22.

When asked if she and Joe are still friends, Taylor curtly replied, “We don’t talk.” (They haven’t talked since the break-up call.)

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Joe later responded to Tay’s lies by saying this:

Joe Jonas isn’t going to take this lying down!

The 19-year-old middle Jonas brother is speaking out against ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift‘s accusations of him being a cheater and his 27-second break-up call. Here’s what he posted on his latest MySpace post:

“This blog is not an attack of anyone. Anytime you are in a relationship for any length of time there are going to be issues. Sometimes they resolve. Other times they lead to a change of heart. This was the case recently.

Several things I will state with all my heart… I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me.

For those who have expressed concern over the “27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. A phone call can be pretty short when someone else ends the call. The only difference in this conversation was that I shared something the other person did not want to hear.

There were later attempts at communication that had no response. I wish the best for the other person but could not sit back any longer and leave our fans with a wrong impression of the truth. Hope this helps enlighten a little.”

THANK YOU JOE OMFG

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Also, let me tell you about Lord Voldemort and the Jonas Brothers ACTUAL connection:

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That’s it for this messy ass joke of a fauxlationship. As you see folks, the fauxlationship was orchestrated so that Tay could break into the Disney market (At the time, she was only in the country market and was desperate to break into a market). But, gosh this fauxlationship is kind of funny and ironic now, because Joe would late fake date Tay’s faux friend Gigi Hadid and now Tay is fake dating her ugly beard Joe Alwyn now haha. Moreover, I love how Taylor slut-shamed Camila Belle in that one song Better than Revenge when Taylor is the one whose more known for dating around than Camila. Oh how the tables have turned now, Taywhore.  Also, I hope you guys see how manipulative, calculated and planned Lord Voldemort is now people, because if you seriously don’t after reading my blog, you either have a lot of issues or you need mental help fast. Goodbye now people and I’ll be back to expose more of the lies Taylor Swift tells!

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My overview of late August 2017 – late October 2017

Good afternoon bitches! Nat is finally back with more news about everyone’s favorite country/pop sell out Taylor Alison Swift! So sorry, I’ve been away, I’ve been so busy with school, working out and hanging out with so many of my friends (So to all of the assholes who don’t think I have a social life, I actually do have one so shut the fuck up lol.) But, now it’s time to put those books away and get out your phones, tablets, computers and laptops of your so you can read my post. Today, I’m going to go over what happened to our favorite death eater nazi over the course of late August to late October. Let’s get this return party started bitches:

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On August 25th, Taylor’s token Asian creepy music video director, Joseph Kahn was paid to tweet that the bitch didn’t copy from Beyonce’s Formation (Can this guy fuck off now?):43C27AB100000578-0-image-a-24_1504204488842.jpg

SHE MUST PAY THESE BITCHES A BILLION DOLLARS TO DEFEND HER NONEXISTENT ASS DAMN

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On August 26-27th, Tay’s new song Look What You Made Me Do ended up getting awful reviews from the critics:

Review: Taylor Swift’s New Single ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ Is Dead on Arrival

Taylor Swift Can’t Be The Victim And The Villain

“Look What You Made Me Do” would like us to believe that we are experiencing an entirely new Taylor Swift. 

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On August 27th, model turned horrible actress Brooklyn Decker posted this about her looking like Zombie Tay in the LWYMMD wtf lol:

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BROOKLYN, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU LOWER YOURSELF LIKE THIS? WTF WOMAN

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Funny, how Brooklyn tried to make herself relevant again, before this was announced about her:

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That exact same day, an interesting Washington Post article came out about our favorite death eater leader:

Taylor Swift is not a white supremacist. She doesn’t identify as a neo-Nazi, and there is no evidence to suggest that, behind closed doors, she might.

That hasn’t stopped some white supremacists from the “alt-right,” a fringe group of the movement that often uses humor and message boards like 4chan to spread its ideology, from reportedly choosing her — ironically or not remains unclear — as an icon for their movement. In much the same way Cher or Barbra Streisand can be seen as “gay icons,” a series of Internet memes, articles and message board posts have dubbed Swift an “Aryan goddess.”

It appears to have begun in 2013 when a teenager named Emily Pattinson began overlaying quotes by Adolf Hitler on Pinterest photos of Taylor Swift as a joke, Buzzfeed reported. Swift’s lawyer J. Douglas Baldridge, sent Pinterest a stern letter, asking for the images to be removed. It said, in part:

The association of Ms. Swift with Adolf Hitler undisputedly is ‘harmful,’ ‘abusive,’ ‘ethnically offensive,’ ‘humiliating to other people,’ ‘libelous,’ and no doubt ‘otherwise objectionable.’ It is of no import that Ms. Swift may be a public figure or that Pinterest conveniently now argues that the Offending Material is mere satire or parody. Public figures have rights. And, there are certain historical figures, such as Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and the like, who are universally identified in the case law and popular culture as lightning rods for emotional and negative reaction.

Pinterest refused to take it down, citing parody laws. But those same images now appear on The Daily Stormer, which bills itself as “the world’s most visited alt-right website.”

OH SHIT TAY

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Moreover, some more bad news came out about Tay that exact same day too omfg:

“Look What You Made Me Do” utilizes a vocabulary of abuse which is deeply, traumatically familiar for domestic violence survivors.
– Instead, “Look What You Made Me Do” seems to have Swift taking on the language of an abuser to exact her own karmic revenge on old enemies.
– What’s more is that “Look What You Made Me Do” is damaging and misguided, because no one can make anyone else do anything. Everyone has free will, and the ability to control their own actions.

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU LORD VOLDEMORT GEEZ LOUISE

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The next day, Modern Family star Jesse Tyler Ferguson decided to tweet his opinion about the whole Lord Voldemort vs. Katy Perry debate oh dear:

FUNNY HOW JESSE SAID MOVING ON FROM THE FEUD WOULD BE A GREAT OPTION, BUT HE’S STILL VOICING HIS OPINION ABOUT IT

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Ironic (no pun intended) how Jesse decided to tweet this a month before this show came back:

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and before this award show came on (P.S. Modern Family was nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series at the award ceremony):

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Moving on now, on August 29th, So You Think You Can Dance judge Vanessa Hudgens made a very creepy video of herself lip syncing LWYMMD (She’s also a blonde in the video wtf):

DEATH TO THE OLD TAYLOR lol #havingwaytoomuchfun @taylorswift

A post shared by Vanessa Hudgens (@vanessahudgens) on

THIS WAS PROBABLY TAY WHEN SHE SAW THIS VIDEO:

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I love Vanessa made this creepy video, before she promoted this on Instagram:

Tonight!!!! Dont miss it!!!

A post shared by Vanessa Hudgens (@vanessahudgens) on

Also, I love how this show airs on NBC and you all know about Tay’s NBC connection right?

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That exact same day, Tay’s token black faux friend was trying to be relevant/got paid to say all of this shit about his death eater boss (Can he go back to Irrelevancyville now?):

“That is the first and only time you’ll ever see me in a crop top,” Hall joked to ET’s Denny Directo. “I had no idea that’s what I was going to be wearing. I was super into it, but I was very nervous. I’ve never done anything like that in my entire life.”

“I just thought [the idea for that section] was brilliant,” he added. “She’s just such an iconic and epic person, and whatever she puts her hands on always turns to gold. I love the fact that she expresses how she feels through her music as opposed to on Twitter, on social media. It’s always done in such an epic and creative way. I just really appreciate any artist that does that.”

Hall — who actually met and became friends with Swift years ago after she stumbled upon one of his YouTube videos — revealed to ET that he was sworn to secrecy once he heard about the project.

“We became BFFs, and then she called and said, ‘I’m working on this project that’s super secret but I know I can trust you. Will you not tell anyone?'” he recalled. “And I didn’t tell anyone. It was the best! It felt like Christmas came early because when it came out my phone blew up more than it ever has before. Everybody was freaking out about it. It’s such an epic and iconic video to be a part of.”

“I think it was shot in May,” he continued. “And it was a huge secret to keep and it was very difficult … It speaks volume of what type of person Taylor is, that she could have all those people on set and then it not leak. People really respect her, she treats everyone so well. And I don’t know if I’m supposed to say this, but on the day that it came out, she sent everybody these beautiful bouquets of flowers and said, ‘Thank you so much for being a part of this and keeping it a secret,’ because it just made it so much more epic.”

Although he “didn’t know very much about” the video before filming began, it was a project he couldn’t pass up.

“I understand why she wasn’t able to tell me a lot because it was a huge project so close to her and she filmed it so much before it came out,” he said. “So, I respected that and completely was like, ‘I trust that you’re going to put me in a positive light and that the video is going to be amazing.'”

The video also features a dance break with Hall, Swift and the rest of the backup dancers, beginning at the 3:05 mark. Hall confirmed to ET that he didn’t have anything to do with the choreography — the dance was created by Swift’s longtime choreographer, Tyce Diorio, the mastermind between her moves in “Shake It Off.”

“I was so impressed because, no shade to other people in the industry, but there are a lot of people who try to dance, but with her, it seems very natural,” he said. “We’ve had a lot of experience, Taylor and I, dancing at the clubs, so I knew she had what it took. But sometimes it’s difficult to translate your club dancing to your on-camera dancing, and I thought she did such an amazing job.”

“She was so kickass,” he continued. “And we didn’t film it that many times, she just killed it every single performance. I mean, I’ve worked with Beyonce and I’ve gotten to work with Taylor and it was a very similar thing. She’s a perfectionist — she was never going to go out on camera and not show herself in the best light. I thought she was amazing. For your first time ever dancing? That looks like she’s been dancing her entire life.”

Simply put, Hall couldn’t be more proud of his pal.

“I love the fact that she takes so much pride and appreciates the art form that is dancing and what we do and wanted to make sure that her dancing was at the same level as the dancers,” he gushed. “She accomplished that. I’m so proud of her.”

“Taylor is definitely raising the bar, everybody else better take note,” he added. “I’m just proud of her because she’s such an amazing person on the inside and out. She’s treated me so kindly … I’ve never seen her be anything less than an angel. She’s like a living, breathing Cinderella. So, it’s really cool to just watch her shine like that.”

As for all those secret messages in the video? Well, looks like fans will have to continue speculating on what they all mean on their own.

“I’m not sure what the message she’s trying to get across is, I don’t necessarily wanna speak on that, but I just think that whatever it is she’s trying to get across, she’s saying it through her music and her lyrics, and it’s all metaphoric, so that it can be open for interpretation,” he shared. “I just think it’s so genius! I’m so inspired by her, and when she says, ‘Look what you made me do,’ she means, ‘Look what you made me do… you made me break records, you made me sell more records than anyone else’ … it’s just really insane.”

Before the interview ended, Hall also opened up about all those Beyoncé “Formation” comparisons.

“I am a huge Beyoncé fan, I’m like a chair board member of the Beygency,” he explained. “I wasn’t concerned because I knew what was to come and I knew that there was nothing even [remotely] Beyoncé -esque about the actual performance.”

“Beyoncé did not invent lines or standing in lines,” he continued. “I think that what we did was really cool of just image … that was Lemonade, this is kinda just like soda pop. It’s different. They’re both great drinks, but different drinks.”

WHY DOES THIS ALL SOUND LIKE FANFICTION WRITTEN BY A 12-YEAR OLD GIRL?

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Love how Todrick lied about him and Lord Voldemort’s faux friendship before this was announced about him:

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On August 30th, Joseph Kahn was once paid again to tweet Tay (this guy is becoming more creepier than both Ed and Todrick combined, damn):

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Now onto September:

On September 2nd, Lord Voldemort was a bridesmaid at her lap dog Abigail Anderson’s wedding:

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WOW SOMEONE LOOKS HAPPY BEING HER ABIGAIL’S (YOU KNOW HER SUPPOSED BFF SINCE FOREVER) BRIDESMAID

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Also, I love how there are cameras at her “BFF’s” wedding that was in Massachusetts of all places lol. I wonder who called them…….

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Also, the exact same day this shit happened omfg:

I KNEW SHE HATED HER OWN FANS BUT DAMN THIS WAS JUST BRUTAL

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Moreover, I’d like to analyze this video for a sec:

We see someone walking to the black car with these shoes:

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I know everyone thinks this is Tay, but look what I found:

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The next day, on September 3rd, Tay released her 2nd single from Reputation titled Ready For It:

GEEZ, THIS SONG IS EVEN WORST THAN LWYMMD UGHHHHHH

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Also, I love how she not only released this song the DAY AFTER Abigail’s wedding, but that she also debuted it during an ESPN game omfg and my gosh the reactions were not well received hhahahahahahhha:

 

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Of course, after the awful song has been released, her dumbass fans began to wonder whether or not the song is about her beard Joe Alwyn fucking dumbasses smh:

Some fans have already been wondering if the song is about Taylor‘s current boyfriend, as the lyrics seem to indicate she is currently in love.

“It sounds like …Ready For It? is about Joe Awlyn and @taylorswift13 and I’m about to scream because it’s too cute,” one fan wrote. Another added, “this song HAS to be about Joe Alwyn and I’m dying,” and a third said, “Why do I feel like this is a song for Joe Alwyn?”

 

Some lyrics fans are pointing to include, “Some boys are trying too hard/He don’t try at all though/Younger than my exes but he act like such a man so/I see nothing better, I keep him forever/Like a vendetta,” which points to the man being younger than some of her exes. Joe is 26 years old, and younger than her last two exes, Tom Hiddleston and Calvin Harris.

In the song, Taylor also seems to be talking about someone in her life currently.

“Every lover known in comparison is a failure/I forget their names now/I’m so very tame now/Never be the same now,” Taylor sings.

LOVE HOW ONE OF THE LYRICS IS BASICALLY BOYS ARE TRYING TOO HARD EVEN THOUGH SHE’S SUPPOSEDLY “STRAIGHT”

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Also, besides Joe being younger than Tay, there’s also someone else who is also younger than she is:

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Moreover, her dumbass idiotic fans also theorized that she talked about her ex beard Harry Styles in the awful song, too (dis bitch):

“Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted/But if he’s a ghost then I can be a phantom,” Taylor sings in the song.

THAT’S IRONIC THAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT GHOST IN HER SONG, BECAUSE NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE BELIEVE IN GHOSTS JUST LIKE HOW SOME PEOPLE NEVER BUY HER FAUXLATIONSHIPS

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Furthermore, Tay liked something on Tumblr that according to her fans basically confirms that she’s not in fact a Trump supporter (Wow, this totally proves she isn’t a Trump supporter):

YOU KNOW SWIFTIES, THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIKING SHIT AND SPEAKING OUT ABOUT STUFF

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On September 4th, the CMA Awards nominated Tay for something (Wow, she gets nominated after fucking stabbing every country person in the back by leaving for pop music lol):

Taylor Swift is once again being embraced by the country music community and she is a nominee at the upcoming 2017 CMA Awards!

The last time the 27-year-old singer was nominated was in 2014 when she landed a Female Vocalist of the Year nod. After going in the pop music route with her album 1989 that year, she stopped getting recognition from the country music awards shows.

Taylor is now nominated for Song of the Year for writing the song “Better Man” for Little Big Town.

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On that exact same day, Lord Voldemort announced this shit:

CANNOT WAIT FOR HER TO TAKE YOUR ASSES TO COURT ONCE AGAIN

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On September 5th, Tay and Tree aka Tay’s publicist, I mean someone accidentally leaked Tay’s wedding toast speech to her supposed BFF Abigail at Abigail’s wedding (This was Abigail’s wedding right? I mean, I’m hearing more about her famous bridesmaid than the actual bride and groom of the wedding):

“She’s running after him, there’s falling, there’s stumbling… They make it to the bathroom, and I hear sounds that I can never unhear… And then there’s silence,” Taylor said in the clip.

WOW SHE EMBARRASSED HER OWN SUPPOSED “BFF” AT HER OWN WEDDING SMH

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That same day, Tay decided to announce she was performing at the SuperBowl!!! (Just kidding, she’s way too boring and stiff to even perform at that event lol):

Taylor Swift is reportedly going to be performing at the College Football National Championship halftime show this coming January.

The annual event is watched by millions and is considered college football’s biggest event. This year, the game will be held in Atlanta, Georgia, but we obviously won’t know who is playing in the game for many months.

“She will headline a concert in Centennial Olympic Park during halftime of the game,” a source told ET. “It will be a free concert. ESPN has her booked for the event and has a massive deal to release new music from [her upcoming album] Reputation through its college football coverage this season.”

According to reports, Taylor‘s endorsement deal with Coca-Cola prevents her from performing at the Super Bowl halftime show because it is sponsored by Pepsi.

AWWW BECAUSE OF HER ENDORSEMENT WITH COCA-COLA (WHICH IS AN UNHEALTHY DRINK BTW, SHOULDN’T BE ENDORSING AN HEALTHY DRINK LIKE FIJI WATER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?) SHE HAD TO SETTLE FOR THE DISCOUNT VERSION OF THE SUPERBOWL

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Also on September 5th, a former Twitter user said that the website suspended her after she shaded Lord Voldemort (I thought everyone had the right to free speech in this world wtf):

WOW, YET DONALD TRUMP IS STILL ALLOWED TO HAVE A TWITTER EVEN THOUGH HE SAYS WAY WORST THAN THIS USER EVER DID

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On September 7th, Joseph Kahn spoke out yet again and said that Beyonce copied Bad Blood (like Beyonce would ever copy that cunt in a million years):

“It’s not ‘Formation’ at all,” Joseph said about the Beyhive thinking Taylor copied the “Formation” video. “They try to say she’s wearing a black crop top and Beyoncé wore a black crop top. But they don’t realize in 2015 in ‘Bad Blood,’ Taylor Swift was wearing a black crop top. I really do think, by the way, that Beyoncé copied ‘Bad Blood.’”

IS HE IN LOVE WITH TAY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? LIKE DUDE,

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Moreover, various lawyers responded to Tay’s ridiculous trademarking shit by saying this:

WOW, FOR LAWYERS THEY ALL SOUND LIKE DUMBASSES

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In addition, an AT&T commercial featuring Andy Samberg and Tay got released oh no:

LOVE THAT NOT SO SUBTLE HINT OF TAY HIDING IN THE CLOSET FROM ANDY IN THE VIDEO

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Oh I forgot to mention something as to why Andy Samberg is in this music video:

His band The Lonely Island is a part of Universal Republic Records:

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And, if you hadn’t guess from the name which music label umbrella Republic Records is under, this is it:

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Also on that same day, this shit was announced wtf:

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On September 8th, Billboard published this bullshit article:

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OH DEAR I ALREADY SEE TAY AND TREE PAYING FOR THESE BULLSHIT ARTICLES ABOUT HOW “AMAZING” TAY IS

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Also, on that exact same day, Joe aka Tay’s ugly beard got some great news about his dead film career:

GEEZ I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED

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On September 9th, Joseph Kahn (Can this asshole go away now? No one cares about you nor your sick obsession with Tay) went to the Variety Studios at Toronto Film Festival sponsored by AT&T and said that Taylor is not a racist nor a Trump supporter cough shut the fuck up asshole cough:

 

He also said she isn’t manipulative too (dude, she’s never ever going to date you in a million years stop it omfg):

• Kahn on Swift: “The biggest insult anyone throws at her is that she’s manipulative. What does that mean? As an artist, because you know what clothes you want to wear, you know what edits you want to make, you know what the set-ups are, you know what the theme of every idea is, you know what your lyrics are. Is that manipulative or is that just being smart?”

• About the Taylor/Beyoncé “Lemonade” joke he made: “In a world over earthquakes, and hurricanes, and possible nuclear war…a joke about crop tops is the most dominant thing in media for the last couple days. That’s a little insane don’t you think? And also the other thing is when people are saying the video copies “Lemonade” and then I make a joke back that well there’s a crop top in “Bad Blood,” um, “Lemonade” is copying “Bad Blood.” Do I really care about crop tops or am I making a joke about the obsession with this sort of celebrity warfare? You make your decision.”

• Kahn goes on to say that Taylor is Taylor and is consistent with who she is.

• “Bottom line, great person, smart, an artist.”

• Has heard the entire album “Reputation” but cannot go into details. But says it is “spectacular” and “a monster.”

HIS SICK AND CREEPY OBSESSION WITH HER REMINDS ME OF CHRIS’ RELATIONSHIP WITH ROSE FROM GET OUT AND FOR ALL OF US WHO HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE, YOU ALL KNOW HOW THAT RELATIONSHIP ENDED

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On September 10th, Flopena Homez went to visit her faux friend death eater boss Lord Voldemort, so that she could pick up a paycheck from her in New York:

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I JUST LOVE IT WHEN CELEBS HIDE THEIR FACES FROM THE PAPS THEY CALL LOL

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BTW, I love that Flopena visited her faux friend (when Tay didn’t even support her basic ass in rehab smh) while she’s trying to not only do damage control for working with Woody Allen:

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I WONDER HOW SHE GOT CAST

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and before her Business of Fashion magazine came out:

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and her PUMA ad came out as well:

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On September 11th, discount Usher aka Zayn Malik decided to name drop Tay so he could try to campaign for that Oscar he’ll never be nominated for nor win how pathetic is this man lol:

Zayn Malik was asked if he can relate to the criticism Taylor Swift receives over her music and personal life, and he offered her some really nice praise.

“To be honest with you… when it comes to anything that has to do with trivia about people’s personal lives or things that’s going on in their careers, I don’t necessarily pay too much attention. I don’t pay too much attention to what people even say about me. I just tend to take it for what it is when I meet them people in real life and have a conversation with them. If they’re cool with me, then I base my relationship on that,” Zayn told The Fader.

“In terms of relating to it, of course I relate to things being written about us all the time. But I don’t listen to it. I rate her as an artist, I think she’s cool, I think she’s successful, and I think she deserves her success because she’s worked hard. That’s just how I look at it. I did a song with her, it was fun, she was professional. She gets on with my girlfriend, they’re good friends. I don’t have a bad word to say about her. She’s cool,” he continued.

WHAT CRACK WAS HE SMOKING BEFORE THIS INTERVIEW?

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Also, I loved that he name dropped her before this song came out:

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and don’t forget which record label Tay and Zayn are both part of:

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On September 13th, Maggie Gyllenhaal aka sister of Tay’s ex beard Jake, went on Watch What Happens Live and was asked about Tay’s “missing scarf” that Jake had for the stunt that happened 7 FUCKING YEARS AGO OMFG LET IT GO BITCHES:

 

I LOVE HOW CONFUSED AND SLIGHTLY ANNOYED MAGGIE SOUNDS IN THE VIDEO AS IF SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE HER BROTHER’S “RELATIONSHIP” WITH LORD VOLDEMORT WAS FAKE AND CONTRIVED OH WAIT

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On September 15th, Tay released a behind the scenes video of LWYMMD with her transformation into a zombie (I’m shocked it took so long considering Tay herself looks exactly like a zombie without any of that makeup oh well lol):

 

WALKING DEAD DID THE ZOMBIE LOOK WAY BETTER TAY

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On September 18th, Tay’s ex beard Jake Gyllenhaal was asked about Lord Voldemort in an interview and this is what happened:

Jake Gyllenhaal sat down for an interview with a Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman, who he portrays in the new movie Stronger. Jeff lost both of his legs in the tragedy.

During the interview, they went back and forth several times about favorite Boston-based movies, best places to eat, and more.

Then, Jeff asked, “If you lost your legs in real life, do you think Taylor Swift would write a song about it?” Jake responded, “For me, or about it?”

“For you. Like a country song,” Jeff added to which Jake responded, “She sort of moved more into pop now.” And that was that!

WOW HE ONLY GOT ONE QUESTION ABOUT THE BITCH AND THE MEDIA MADE INTO A BIG FUCKING DEAL

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On September 16th, NPR talked about how Tay has been quiet about white supremacy:

DAMN THIS ARTICLE WENT IN

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On September 18th, Tay got sued by 3lW’s songwriters claiming Tay copied one of their songs holy shitmas:

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IF SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING RIPPED THEM OFF, LIKE GEEZ SHE’S EVEN MORE SHITTIER THAN I THOUGHT

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On September 20th-21st, to make you guys actually like LWYMMD, Tay released more behind the scenes videos of the music video:

 

 

WOW ALL OF THESE BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEOS MAKES THE VIDEO EVEN MORE WORST THAN IT IS

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On September 21st, Cardi B was expected to go #1 on the Billboard Charts with Bodak Yellow and so to dethrone Cardi, Tay discounted LWYMMD on Itunes hahahahhahhaahha:

Taylor Swift has discounted her song “Look What You Made Me Do” on iTunes less than a month after release. She has never discounted a song off of her discography before. To compare, Cardi B’s team just decided to discount the song for the first time this past week, 12 weeks in her chart run.

It is probably too late since the tracking week ends tonight. Cardi B is still expected to snatch #1 from Taylor, but it looks like she is looking to regain the top spot the week after.

TAY IS GOING TO GET DETHRONED BY A RAPPER

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On September 23rd, Liam Gallagher formerly of the has-been band Oasis, praised Taylor so that he could be relevant lol:

“I don’t know what pop music is. Taylor Swift makes some good pop songs. You know what I mean? ‘Shake It Off’ is a fucking tune. You get ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams, which is a great pop song. Some of it is good,” Liam continued. “And then some of it is just fucking meaningless fucking bullshit, you know what I mean?”

LIAM, GO BACK TO HAS-BEEN ISLAND WITH YOUR BROTHER NOEL, YOU WERE LESS ANNOYING OVER THERE

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Also, how hilarious that Liam name-dropped Tay, before this album came out in October:

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On September 25th, the greatest thing happened, Cardi B dethroned Lord Voldemort for #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts!!!!!!!!!!

Cardi B has dethroned Taylor Swift on the Billboard Hot 100 with her debut single “Bodak Yellow” and she is making history with the feat!

The 24-year-old entertainer becomes the first female rapper in 19 years to reach number one on the Hot 100 without having a featured artist on the track.

Lauryn Hill was the last female rapper to top the chart with a solo track.

Post Malone‘s new song “Rockstar” featuring 21 Savage is debuting this week at number two, pushing Taylor‘s “Look What You Made Me Do” to number three after three weeks at the top.

Rounding out the top five are Logic‘s “1-800-273-8255″ featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid at number four and Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee‘s “Despacito” featuring Justin Bieber at number five.

THIS WAS PROBABLY TAY WHEN SHE HEARD THE NEWS

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To make it seem like she wasn’t upset about getting dethroned, Tay had Tree order flowers for Cardi B:

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On September 26th, Andy Cohen asked singer Fergie about whether or not she thought LWYMMD sounded exactly like My Humps by her old band The Black Eyed Peas and this was her response:

 

I KNOW SHE REALLY DIDN’T SHADE HER OR ANYTHING BUT SHE DID CONFIRM THAT SHE THOUGHT THEY SOUNDED SIMILAR

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That same day, Nagini aka Camila Cabello name-dropped her former faux friend death eater boss (Like seriously, these two are still faux friends? LOL SURE):

OH GOSH THIS STORY IS AS REAL AS NAGINI’S SINGING TALENT

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Funny, how Nagini (who literally hasn’t seen Tay in a long time lol) name dropped her before these came out:

The nominees are officially in for the 2017 Latin Grammy Awards!

39-year-old Puerto Rican superstar Residente leads the pack with nine nominations, followed closely by Maluma (7) and Shakira (6).

Other popular nominated acts include Pitbull, Nicky Jam, J Balvin and Camila Cabello.

The Latin Recording Academy will host the 18th annual ceremony on November 16 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas from 8-11 P.M. EST.

Best Urban Song
“A Chapa É Quente!” – Emicida & Rael
“Coqueta”- Luis Díaz, Alejandro Estrada, Bruno Og & Jonathan Torres
“El Amante” – Nicky Jam, Juan Diego Medina Vélez & Cristhian Mena
“Hey Ma (Spanish Version)” – J Balvin, Camila Cabello, Phillip Kembo, Johnny Michell, Pitbull, Rosina “Soaky Siren” Russell, Jamie Sanderson & Tinashe “T-Collar” Sibanda
“Papa” – Lápiz Consciente & Vico C
“Somos Anormales” – Rafael Arcaute, Igor Koshkendey & Residente

WHO DID SHE BANG FOR THAT NOMINATION? ALSO, I LOVE HOW HER ONLY NOD IS A COLLAB

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Before her Elvin Duran performance:

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and her performing on the Today Show:

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WHAT IS UP WITH ALL OF HER TRASHY OUTFITS AND HAIRSTYLES DURING HER PERFORMANCES? DOES HER STYLISTS HATE HER AS MUCH AS WE DO?

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Also, don’t forget Nagini and Lord Voldemort’s ACTUAL connection:

 

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After that mess, on September 29th, Lord Voldemort shared her Spotify playlist even though she took all of her music off of the streaming site, because they weren’t paying her enough oh well:

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I LOVE HOW MOST OF THE SONGS ON THE PLAYLIST ARE EITHER SONY OR UNIVERSAL MUSIC GROUP ARTISTS HOW IRONIC HUH

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Also, on the same day, dumbass swifties thought UPS (Whom Tay partnered up with to promote her awful upcoming album) was teasing a new single oh dear lol:

 

 

THIS COMMERCIAL IS JUST AS CHEESY AND AWFUL AS HER SONGS DAMN

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On September 30th, this was announced for both Taylor and her ex beard Harry Styles:

I HOPE KARLIE WALKS AND THAT TAYLOR GIVES HER LOTS OF HEART EYES WHEN KARLIE IS WALKING ON THE RUNWAY WHILE TAY SINGS JUST LIKE THIS:

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On October 2nd, Billboard Hot 100 announced that Cardi B was still #1 on the charts while Tay fell 2 spots behind Cardi aahahahahahaahahahah:

For a second week in a row, Cardi B is No. 1 with “Bodak Yellow”. Post Malone’s “Rockstar” featuring 21 Savage, holds the No. 2 spot and Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” remains at No. 3. Logic’s “1-800-273-8255” featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid, stays at No. 4, and Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee’s “Despacito” featuring Justin Bieber, remains at No. 5 on the Hot 100
‌• Demi Lovato has now peaked at No. 10 with “Sorry Not Sorry” which jumped from No. 15
‌• The top 5 is expected to stay the same next week, but with Logic’s “1-800-273-8255” going No. 2 and Post Malone’s “Rockstar” falling to No. 4.
Other notable jumps/debuts:
No.17: Imagine Dragons – Thunder (+13)
No.44: Camila Cabello ft Young Thug – Havana (+20)
No.48: Dua Lipa – New Rules (+5)
No.58: Ed Sheeran – Perfect (+31)
No.70: Macklemore ft Kesha – Good Old Days (debut)

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On October 4th, Kesha talked about her faux friendship with Tay oh dear why Kesha:

– In Rolling Stone‘s new cover story, Kesha discusses her relationship with Taylor Swift. After a judge ruled against Kesha’s request for a quick injunction that would allow her to record for a different label back in February 2016, Taylor donated $250,000 toward Kesha’s expenses during her legal battle with Dr. Luke.
– Kesha says Taylor, “is a fucking sweetheart. Very, very sweet, very, very genuine, extremely generous, picks up the phone every time I call her. My mom doesn’t even always pick up the phone!”
-When asked about Taylor’s latest drama, Kesha says, “I’m not really up on my pop culture. Should I know something about it? I live in my record player.”

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Guys, remember what record label Kesha is a part of:

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and she’s also on tour right now:

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On October 5th, Tay and Tree, I mean a random source leaked a pic from Tay being Abigail’s bridesmaid at ABIGAIL’S wedding:

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I LOVE HOW PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED BY TAY TRYING TO STEAL AWAY THE ATTENTION OF HER SUPPOSED “BFF” AT HER WEDDING WHEN SHE DID THE EXACT SAME SHIT AT HER OTHER SUPPOSED “BFF’S” WEDDING TOO, NEARLY A YEAR AGO

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WHY DO ALL OF THESE PICS REMIND ME OF THAT SNL SKIT WHEN KRISTIN WIIG PLAYED KRIS JENNER?

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SPOT THE DIFFERENCE PEOPLE

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On October 8th, Swiftie death eaters in training noticed that their death eater lord was stalking them on Instagram wtf:

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I LOVE HOW SHE STALKED THE FANS WHO SHE NOT ONLY TOOK TO COURT, BUT ALSO THE ONES WHOSE FANMAIL SHE THREW AWAY IN NASHVILLE. ALSO, SHE SO ISN’T DOING THIS SO THAT THEY COULD BUY REPUTATION NEXT MONTH.

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On October 9th, Tay booked not 1, but 2 performances for Reputation ughhhhhh:

Taylor Swift has announced two concert dates in December – her first shows since this past February!

The 27-year-old entertainer has teased a 2018 tour, and these concerts are seemingly a pre-cursor to her big kick off.

Taylor will be performing at California radio station 99.7 Now!’s Poptopia on December 2 and Chicago’s B96 Jingle Bash on December 7. The lineups include lots of other artists like Ed SheeranFifth HarmonyBackstreet Boys and Khalid, so these are not solo shows.

Taylor‘s upcoming album Reputation will hit stores on November 10.

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On October 10th, this was announced for Tay:

Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith and tons of other superstars are set to hit the stage on the 2017 iHeartRadio Jingle Ball Tour Presented by Capital One!

iHeartRadio announced the huge line-up for the upcoming series of shows on Tuesday (October 10), which will also include performances by The Chainsmokers and Fall Out Boy.

The tour will stream live on CWTV.com, the CW app and will be broadcasted in an exclusive nationwide special on The CW Network on December 14.

The pre-sale for the tour begins on Wednesday (October 11) at 10 a.m. local time and runs through Saturday (October 14) at 10 a.m. local time. Tickets go on sale to the general public on Monday (October 16) at 12 p.m. local time. For all ticket info, head to iHeartRadio.com.

LORD VOLDEMORT, SAM SMITH AND ED SHEERAN ARE ALL PERFORMING, COUNT ME OUT

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On October 11th, Lord Voldemort announced that she was creating a new APP called The Swift Life (What an original name):

It’s a Swift Life for fans of Taylor Swift!

The 27-year-old superstar just announced that she’s partnering with Glu Mobil to launch her own social platform called The Swift Life.

The app is set to be a creative, inclusive and community-driven place for users to better connect with Taylor and each other.

“We’ve worked closely with Taylor and her team to bring her creative vision to life. The result is a deeply social environment where Taylor and her fans are able to better connect with one another while expressing themselves in an interactive community. We look forward to its worldwide launch later this year,” Glu Mobile President and CEO Nick Earl said in a statement.

The Swift Life is set to be released in late 2017.

WOW, CHARGING EVEN MORE MONEY FOR HER DUMBASS FANS AND I LOVE HOW SHE’S FUCKING RIPPING OFF KIM KARDASHIAN FOR THIS APP

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That same day, Pink decided to change her mind about being Team Death Eater when it came to the Lord Voldemort vs Katy Perry feud:

Pink is speaking out against pitting pop stars against each other.

The 38-year-old Beautiful Trauma singer revealed to the LA Times that she briefly got caught up in some unwanted drama when asked “Team Katy or Team Taylor?” during a radio interview in August. She ultimately picked Taylor – but seems to regret that she even made a pick at all.

“I should’ve just kept my mouth shut, because I don’t believe that. I don’t care. But I felt rushed and I didn’t know what to do. And I paid for it, because then the next day: ‘Pink is Team Taylor,’” she explained.

She also reacted to the climate of pop star feuds in general: “It surprises me how snarky it’s gotten. There were always these feuds between rock stars — I mean, if you like Oasis, there’s always a feud. But it’s gotten pretty bad. And we’re giving our power away by playing into it,” she said.

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Moreover, in order for her stupid ass fans to buy her album, Tay went to a fan’s house in the UK:

I LOVE HOW IN SOME OF THESE PICS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE HER WRINKLES

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Furthermore, Playboy rightfully shaded Tay and said she could learn a thing or 2 from Eminem’s shady Trump rap (oh motherfucking shit):

 

 

WOW YOU KNOW IT’S BAD WHEN FUCKING PLAYBOY AND EMINEM ARE MORE WOKE THAN LORD VOLDEMORT

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On October 12th, Liam Payne talked about being stuck in an elevator with Taylor wtf ew:

Liam Payne is opening up about a super random encounter with some of music’s biggest names!

During a recent interview with Z100, the 24-year-old singer recalled his one of his favorite times with pal Ed Sheeran – and it included Harry Styles and Taylor Swift!

“I got in a lift once, my parents were there, this is a really random story,” Liam said. “And Taylor Swift was in the lift. I was in the lift, Harry was in the lift, Ed Sheeran, and my parents. And the lift was going up and he just kept going turning around to me going, ‘Bass.’ And that’s all he was saying. ‘Bass.’ So that’s one of my favorite party stories.”

LIAM WTF DON’T TURN INTO ZAYN WITH TELLING BS STORIES LIKE THIS

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Oh, I forgot to tell you guys, Liam is a part of Capitol Records:

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Look what else I found out about Capitol Records:

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On October 13th, Shania Twain decided to name drop Tay to promote her upcoming album (Why Shania whyyyyyyyyy):

Shania Twain headlined the inaugural VH1 Divas Live back in 1998 alongside Mariah CareyAretha FranklinCeline Dion and Gloria Estefan.

And if she could do it again, she’d invite Rihanna and Taylor Swift!

The Canadian superstar, who just debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 with her new record Now, revealed her dream picks in an interview with PrideSource.

Rihanna, for sure,” Shania revealed when asked who she’d want to sing with.

“She’s just so awesome. I love her voice; I never get tired of it. Never, never. And we hear it so much on the radio, right? She’s every second song on the radio and I just never get tired of it. Even with ‘Love on the Brain’ – I mean, it just doesn’t get better than that. So, she’d definitely be on my list.”

And another addition? “Taylor would be a good one,” she said.

“She’d be a must on Divas, for sure. She’s awesome. She’s such a great creative person and a super songwriter and really uses her brain, so it’s lovely to watch her.”

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Also, not only did Shania’s new album just come out, but she and Tay have a special little record label connection:

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That same day, Tay had her “Secret Sessions” in London with her stupid Republican fans:

LOVE HOW THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE “SECRET SESSIONS” BUT YET THEY’RE SO PUBLIC

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Moreover, more pics from Tay’s “Secret Sessions” leaked ughhhhhh:

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I’M LOVING ALL OF THESE PICS CAUSE TAY HAS SUCH A FAKE ASS SMILE ON HER FACE AND HER FANS MOSTLY LOOK LIKE TEENS HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA (ALSO, LOVE THE SNAKE RING CAUSE SHE CONFIRMED ONCE AGAIN THAT SHE’S IN FACT THE FEMALE LORD VOLDEMORT)

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On October 14th, Tay called the paps to take pics of her shooting her new music video:

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OH DEAR IS SHE SHOOTING ANOTHER 22 ESQUE VIDEO, BECAUSE WE ALL REMEMBER THAT NIGHTMARE

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On October 17th, Tay released yet another behind the scenes video from LWYMMD (She can give it a rest now?)

SHE’S LITERALLY RELEASING THE SAME VIDEO OVER AND OVER AGAIN

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On October 18th, Lord Voldemort let her dumbass death eater in training fans into her Rhode Island coven so that she could promote Reputation:

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IS IT JUST ME, OR DID HER FANS AGE DECREASINGLY FROM HER LONDON FANS PICS?

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On October 19th, Tay released her 3rd single from Reputation titled Gorgeous ew:

DID SHE REALLY RIP OFF THE BABY CRYING FROM JAY-Z’S GLORY?

AND, PEOPLE CALL THIS BITCH ORIGINAL SMH

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The song also sounds a bit like I Can’t Stand The Rain By Tina Turner:

THIS BITCH ACTUALLY THINKS SHE’S BETTER THAN TINA TURNER WOW

After she released that terrible single, one of her fans put this on Tumblr and Twitter:

 

SERIOUSLY, IF ANY OF YOU GUYS AREN’T SUSPECTING HER “RELATIONSHIPS” NOR HER SEXUALITY AT THIS POINT, THEN I RECOMMEND SEEING A THERAPIST, BECAUSE IDK WHAT TO TELL U GUYS ANYMORE

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Also, I love how the song is supposed to be about Joe (According to Tay’s delusional mind), but let’s talk about these lyrics:

And you should think about the consequence
Of you touching my hand in the darkened room

These lyrics feel like it adheres to a forbidden relationship, like one that isn’t supposed to be out and public. Also, I love that she puts you touching my hand in the darkened room, because it bring me back to these photos from 2014.

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Also, this lyric:

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

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On October 20th, to make people believe in her fauxlationship, Tay and Tree wrote this fanfic story about Tay and Joe’s fauxlationship:

Taylor Swift has reportedly been showing off her cooking skills for boyfriend Joe Alwyn!

The 27-year-old songstress and the 26-year-old British actor are “very much in love” with each other and enjoying their low-key romance, according to Us Weekly.

“They have quite a low-key relationship, which Taylor likes,” a source reported. “It’s very normal, and no one really knows about it right now. They just work out, watch movies together and invite friends over. Taylor loves to cook and bake for him. They are still taking it slow.”

Joe is “supportive of her career choices,” the insider added. “She’s very happy.”

Taylor and Joe first sparked romance rumors back in May, and fans think both of her new songs – “Gorgeous” and “…Ready For It?” – are likely about him.

THEY HAVE QUITE A LOW KEY “RELATIONSHIP” HUH

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That’s it for this post. Gosh, I think this is my longest post I’ve ever written, thanks Lord Voldemort. But, this is just the beginning folks, cause Reputation is coming out next month ughhhhhh. I will be reporting all over that awful album, don’t worry ladies and gentlemen. Moreover, I still can’t believe there are actual dumbasses who are still buying what Tay is selling. Like, people it’s so fucking obvious at this point. Heck, even if you do think she’s straight (IDK, how people still believe that shit either, but oh well), you have to admit that her “relationships” are shady as hell. But, gosh I was so fucking frustrated throughout this entire post, because it’s pretty scary that you guys are buying what these celebs are selling, especially after the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Like guys, Hollywood is fake as hell and I’m so glad it’s getting even more exposed now and I hope even more dark secrets come out that sick town. Well, that’s all folks! I’m leaving now, but I will be back to report about Lord Voldemort and her death eater adventures sooner than you think!! Also, thank you guys for all of the messages you guys have been sending me on Tumblr, I’ve been loving your feedback!! Bye my beautiful and amazing readers!!

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My scathing review of the LWYMMD music video

Good morning my beautiful readers, Nat is back once again with more news about everyone’s favorite conniving snake Taylor Alison Swift. Today, I’m going to talk about her music video Look What You Made Me Do, which debuted during the VMAS when Katy Perry hosted (what a petty ass bitch). I’m going to do a very in depth review of the music video (It won’t be a very positive review shocker). Also, I’m going to talk about Tay and discount Usher aka Zayn Malik buying that VMA award for their awful song. Let me get that review started for you guys:

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Just last night, Lord Voldemort debuted her new music video Look What You Made Me Do during the VMAS:

Here’s my review of the video:

I love the fact that she’s dead at the beginning of the video lol (If only she had been that way for the entire video lol) and also really Tay at ripping off Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Really bitch really? MJ is currently rolling in his grave right now, because of that and Tay, you will never be iconic like MJ no matter how hard you try. Moreover, really referencing your sexual assault case in the video? Bitch, the trial wasn’t even that long ago and lots of sexual victims still have traumatizing flashbacks of their trials, so you doing that was not only disgusting and sick, it shows that you not only didn’t care that sexual assault victims found you inspiring and a role model for sexual assault awareness, but that you used the case to launch your new era/brand and for that you can kindly go fuck yourself, cunt. Furthermore, I just love the fact that everyone is loving the video (Yes seriously, there are actual idiots that are loving this basic ass redundant video) despite the fact that she’s making fun of Kim Kardashian getting robbed in late 2016. Listen, I despise the Kardashians as much as the next person, but making fun of a woman who was fearing for her life while not only her personal belongings were being taken from her, but also her safety was a very shitty move on her part. Like Tay, Kim didn’t even poke fun at you getting sexually harassed by that DJ and yet you poke fun at her robbery smh. More on the video, Tay sat awkwardly on a throne where there were some words on both sides of the throne that read, “Et tu Brute”. If you don’t know what that that means, it’s a line from Julius Caesar and the line talks about a friend stabbing you in the back. Tay, that line makes 0 sense since everyone and their mom knows that your so called squad are all of your fake friends, so Tay shut the fuck up about faux friends stabbing you in the back. Also, nice try with the Mean Girls reference. BTW, really with the serving tea references in the video? You’re already telling us shit we already know so what was the literal point of that reference? Similarly, smh at the Katy Perry shade. Like, get over it already, so what if she stole your dancers, she probably paid way more than you did (knowing how greedy you are, it has to be true) and they’re probably having way more fun with Katy than they did with you, because everyone knows you have the personality of a wet paper rag. Also, what was up with you looking like a discount Gwen Stefani in that one part where you were in a cage? You want to rip off Gwen now too, wow didn’t think you could sink any lower, but here we are. Presumably, bitch I knew you were going to rip off Beyonce, but really taking the baseball bat and Formation and ruining it with your basicness? You should be ashamed of yourself smh. Anyway in the next shot, we have Lord Voldemort running a very Nazi and Death Eater like group called Squad U oh dear. I actually really liked this part, because Tay finally confirmed it to us that she really is a Lord Voldemort/Hitler type of leader when it comes to her death eater nazi faux friend squad. So, thank you Tay for that part in the video, because you finally confirmed our speculations about your crazy self. Moreover in the next shot, we ironically see the cunt with fake robot people. The reason I say this is ironic, because she’s just as fake as the robot fake people that she laid with so once again, thank you Tay for confirming that your personality is just as real as your boob job. Futhermore in the next scene, we see Lord Voldemort with her token black faux friend Todrick Hall (this idiot is as pathetic as he looks smh) and they with a group of male dancers do a discount awful version of the Single Ladies dance (and dumbasses call Tay an original artist smh) and after they dance, they all rip off an “I Heart TS” shirt and if you don’t know about the irony behind the shirt it’s this: Last 4th of July, when Tay was fake dating her ugly ass beard aka Tom Hiddleston aka Uncle Creepy, his contract required him to wear a shirt that said “I Heart TS” on it and it was one of the most embarrassing publicity stunts ever. The irony of Todrick and her other male dancers wearing the shirt is because, all of those guys are gay lol. So, thank you once again Tay for exposing that you and Tom were in a contractual fauxlationship lol. Consequently, the next scene shows Tay standing on a mountain of her former selves which is also very ironic, because she’s still acting like her old self, so bitch nice try at making us think you’ve gotten rid of your old self when it’s basically obvious that you haven’t lol. The very last shot (thank god it ended geez) shows Taylor standing with her current I mean old selves and they’re all arguing, because this is probably what Tay does in her bathroom mirror every single morning lol. She also wore the shirt she wore in her terrible You Belong With Me video with her death eaters faux friends’ names on them (Why the hell was Ryan Reynolds’ name even on the shirt? He clearly hates her lol). I am finally done with this review and that’s all folks omfg.

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BTW, I love how Todrick (who hasn’t seen Tay since November 2016 lol) appeared in Tay’s video after promoting this shit:

Todrick also has this movie coming out later (probably straight to video on demand lol):

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Also, it’s very coincidental that Todrick was in the video before all of these events:

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Moreover, Shawn Mendes decided to namedrop Tay by saying this shit shut up Shawn:

You aren’t the only one excited about Taylor Swift’s new music — Shawn Mendes is too!

Speaking with E! News at the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards this weekend, the “Mercy” musician revealed that he’s really excited about her forthcoming album, reputation.

“It’s bad ass,” Shawn said about her lead single, “Look at What You Made Me Do”.

He adds, “I’m really excited she’s coming back. I’ve missed her.”

If you remember, Shawn opened for Taylor’s 1989 World Tour in 2015.

SHAWN, I KNOW YOU’RE STILL TRYING TO PROVE YOU’RE STRAIGHT, BUT IS THIS TRULY THE WAY?

Also if you guys didn’t already know, not only did Shawn open up for Lord Voldemort back in 2015 for her 1989 tour, but they’re both Universal Music Group artists:

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Now onto discount Usher news oh dear:

If you guys don’t know Taylor and Zayn’s teams bought the VMA Award for their awful song I Don’t Wanna Live Forever:

Zayn Malik just made history at the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards.
The 24-year-old British crooner took home his very first Moon Person with the help of Reputation singer Taylor Swift, whom Malik shared his Best Collaboration win last night (Sunday, August 27) for their daring duet “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever,” off the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack.
While this isn’t the artist’s first VMA win in his career—One Direction has earned four as a band—the achievement marks the very first time a former 1D member has ever claimed the prize as a solo artist.
In March 2015, Malik announced his departure from the quintet and made his first foray into solo territory with his debut solo effort, Mind of Mine, which debuted at No. 1 on the US Billboard 200 Albums chart upon its release.
Congratulations, Zayn! (And Taylor!)

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After that, Zayn went onto Twitter to tease his new music (like this shit wasn’t planned omfg):

WILL HE ACTUALLY RELEASE NEW MUSIC OR HOLD IT OFF?

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That’s all for this post. Gosh, it took me 50 years to write that review. But, really at all of the dumb bitches who are loving that video. What would you do if someone made fun of you getting robbed? Like, what’s the matter with you idiots. Are you guys blind or something? BTW, I love that she still considers Flopena Homez one of her faux friends when Tay didn’t even support Flopena in rehab and Flopena booking a Woody Allen film during Tay’s sexual assault trial (oh shit wow lol). Ironically, isn’t Flopena producing or faux producing, because everyone knows she doesn’t actually produce that show 13 Reasons Why? Which is about sexual assault, so it’s pretty ironic that she’s working with a child molester while “producing” a show about that controversial subject. (Doesn’t Woody know she’s box office poison and doesn’t he know about her drug problem? I hope that doesn’t affect filming lol). Also, Tay you may have fooled everyone else into thinking you’ve changed, but you haven’t fooled me bitch. I’m going to continue to keep an eye on your shenanigans and whatnot. I cannot wait for you to slip up again and make a dumbass mistake, because your 8-13 year old fans will be shocked, but I will be sitting on my throne and laughing at those peasants and saying, “I told you bitches!” Moreover, I cannot wait for your interviews where you fake cry and talk about everyone in the public rightfully turning against, you because I will be seeing right through your deceitfulness and fake persona and keep on exposing you on my blog. Furthermore, wow and smh at Zayn and Taylor actually buying that VMA just to prove everyone loved their horrible song and that Zayn is actually doing well outside of One Direction when it’s clearly the opposite. Also, lol at him using that bought award to promote his new music that he may or may not release knowing his messy track record. I’m leaving now everyone, but I’ll be back sooner than you think!! Bye bye for now!

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Lord Voldemort’s weak vocal chords have unfortunately slithered back into our presence

Good morning bitches. This is Nat officially back with more news about everyone’s favorite conniving snake bitch Taylor Alison Swift. Sorry, I’ve been away I’ve been so busy with Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel, but now I’m back with some juicy deets about Mrs. White Feminist. Today, I’m going to talk about her releasing her awful ass song into the public and I will be analyzing it while of course shading it in my review lol. I’m also going to talk about why Peter Pettigrew aka Lena Dunham “supported” Tay during her sexual assault trial (how ironic right?). Let’s get this release party started:

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1st things 1st, I’m going to talk about Peter Pettigrew ironically “praising” her death eater boss during her sexual assault trial (smh hypocritical bitch):

DIDN’T THIS CUNT MOLEST HER SISTER WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER AND THEN PUT IT IN A BOOK OF HERS?

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How ironic that she “defended” Tay before the trailer for this show came out:

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Later on singer Pink decided to choose sides in the Taylor vs Katy fight for some odd reason:

Pink is busy promoting her new music and she was asked to pick a side in Taylor Swift and Katy Perry‘s feud.

The two pop stars have been in one of music’s biggest feuds for the past few years after Taylor accused Katy of stealing dancers from her tour.

So, whose side is Pink on?

“Taylor? Is that OK?” Pink told KISS FM UK. “You can’t win no matter what you say, anyway. Everyone wakes up offended.”

Katy recently has said that she is “ready to let it go” and that she is “sorry for anything I ever did.

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Also, let me tell you why Pink namedropped Tay:

Not only is she promoting a new song:

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Look what record company she’s a part of:

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Moreover, less than a week after her sexual assault trial, Tay began putting some snake videos on her Instagram and ofc people were questioning whether or not she was teasing some upcoming music:

GEEZ I CAN TEASE A BETTER SINGLE THAN THIS BITCH

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Later on, on August 23rd, Lord Voldemort finally released the title of her upcoming album: Reputation oh dear:

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I’M SHOCKED THE BITCH DIDN’T GO WITH RESURRECTION OR SLITHER

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After that. Tay announced she was releasing the sneak peek of her music video on Good Morning America oh lord:

WHY OH WHY AND ALSO WHAT IS UP WITH HER FACE IN THAT TWEET/ALBUM COVER?

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ALSO, ISN’T THIS KIND OF MESSED UP THAT SHE’S DOING THIS AFTER BEING ON TRIAL FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT NOT TOO LONG AGO?

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Furthermore, Tay finally released her 1st single Look What You Made Me Do (Oh dear, what’s the next single? I’m telling? lol):

WHY THE HELL ARE PEOPLE LOVING THIS SONG? THE CHORUS SOUNDS LIKE FUCKING I’M TOO SEXY FOR MY SHIRT AND SHE FUCKING SAMPLED A SONG FROM MEAN GIRLS OMFG

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If you guys are wondering why I’m saying that the Mean Girls sampling is ironic is because of all of this:

If you don’t know, back in 2014, when Tay was promoting 1989 in Rolling Stone she subtly shaded Katy:

In our September cover story, Taylor Swift explained the inspiration behind her then-unheard song “Bad Blood,” telling Rolling Stone that an unnamed female artist had crossed her one too many times. “For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not,” she said. “She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away and I would think, ‘Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?'” Swift went on to hint at a business-related dust-up that led her to believe “we’re just straight-up enemies.” When the article hit stands, speculation swirled and eventually landed on one Miss Katy Perry, who wasted no time in tweeting, “Watch out for the Regina George in sheep’s clothing.” The Mean Girls-themed mixed metaphor seemed pretty blatantly about Swift, and gossip sites quickly pointed to an incident in which three of Perry’s backup dancers for the California Dreams 2011 tour were given spots on Swift’s Red tour after Perry’s had ended. While out with Swift, Perry’s people allegedly reached out to the dancers asking if they’d want to return for the star’s upcoming Prism tour, which would require them to leave Swift’s early. The dancers ended up defecting to Perry, Swift unfollowed them on Twitter (these are things that Taylor Swift fans notice) and a once-seemingly-cordial relationship between the two biggest pop stars in the world apparently turned ugly fast.

Katy then tweeted this:

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Moreover, you guys remember when Mean Girls writer and stars Tina Fey and Amy Poehler rightfully shaded Lord Voldemort at the 2013 Golden Globes and Tay immaturely telling the comedians to go to hell right:

https:///www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEt1DFv49aw

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BACK TO THE SONG NOW, WHY DOES IT SOUND LIKE SHE’S DOING A REALLY BAD JENNIFER LOPEZ IMPERSONATION ON THE SONG?

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Tay also decided to promote her upcoming terrible album by promoting it on an actual Taylor Swift magazine (not kidding):

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WOW SHE’S AN EVEN WORST MODEL THAN HER FAUX MODEL FRIENDS

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Also, Lord Voldemort even said that the old Tay is dead cool story bro hahahhahhhahahhaha:

Taylor Swift is clearly ready to start a new era with her album Reputation and she says in the lead single, “Look What You Made Me Do,” that the old version of herself is now dead.

The 27-year-old singer talks about the “little games” that someone she doesn’t like has been playing and how she “rose up from the dead.”

During the bridge of the single, Taylor speaks out a presumed voicemail answering response, saying, “I’m sorry the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, ’cause she’s dead!”

Taylor also repeats in the bridge, “I don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me, I’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams.” Some fans think that she could be referring to a battle within herself with this line.

WHAT DRUGS IS SHE ON AND WHAT KIND OF LYRIC IS I DON’T TRUST NOBODY AND NOBODY TRUSTS ME?

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ALSO, HOW IRONIC THAT SHE SAYS THAT SHE’LL BE THE ACTRESS STARRING IN YOUR BAD DREAMS WHEN THIS CLIP EXISTS:

LIKE BITCH WE ALREADY KNOW YOU’RE AN AWFUL ACTRESS, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO REMIND US

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After Tay dropped her awful single, Nicki Minaj reportedly shaded Tay on Twitter:

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Tay later announced this oh dear:

REALLY DURING THE VMAS WHEN KATY IS HOSTING YOU PETTY BITCH

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That is all for me folks. But, I’m not finished with Tay just yet, my friends. I will be analyzing every single song on that upcoming terrible of hers and exposing the truth my friends. But, really Tay? What kind of song title? I knew you were you immature, but I didn’t think you would stoop this low. BTW, I feel sorry for all the people who supported you during your sexual assault trial, because they unfortunately got fooled by your faux America’s Sweetheart persona you love to put on. Moreover, I saw that Tay was releasing her album on November 10th and if you guys don’t know why that date is significant, it’s the 10 year anniversary of Kanye West’s mother’s death. Tay, if you fucking chose that date on purpose to release your album (Which I wouldn’t even shocked by, cause I know you paid your faux token black friends to defend your nonexistent ass after Kim and Kanye rightfully exposed you last year) then you’re as sick than I thought you were, you fucking cunt. Furthermore, speaking of pettiness, you fucking released your single a mere 3 seconds after Katy Perry released her music video for Swish Swish. Really bitch really? Get the fuck over it already omfg. Like, Katy fucking moved on why can’t you? This is why everyone thinks you’re a whiny immature spoiled brat. But, gosh I cannot wait for her whiny woe is me interviews during the promotional tour for her new album. $5 she fake cries everytime she talks about how awful it was that the public turned their backs on her. Everyone will be fooled ofc, except me though I’ll be seeing right through her faux Mother Teresa act. Also, oh dear this means she’ll be doing more ridiculous and chemistry void photo ops with her beard Joe Alwyn (Can’t wait for that……NOT!) Goodbye everyone and I’ll be back to analyze the awful music video (BTW why does the outfits look like discount Beyonce wtf). Bye bye now!

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I’m finally back with more news about Lord Voldemort, her death eaters and her ugly beard!

Hello bitches. Guess whose finally back with more news about everyone’s favorite snake cult leader Taylor Alison Swift aka Lord Voldemort? If you guessed me, you’re definitely correct, my friends. Sorry, I’ve been away guys, I was in California and I was at Warner Brothers Studio & Comic Con! I unfortunately didn’t see Uncle Creepy aka Tom Hiddleston though. But, gosh imagine if I had I would’ve reminded him so much of his past fauxlationship with that cunt lol. Anyway, enough about that asshole now, this is about Lord Voldemort’s ridiculous tales. I’m gonna talk about everything that has been happening from late June to late July. A lot has happened for instance: Katy Perry rightfully shaded the bitch, Haim needed some attention for their terrible album and so they name dropped their death eater boss, Flopena Homez needed some promotion for her awful song that is currently flopping and so she called up Lord Voldemort to help her promote it (how pathetic btw lol and yet people call her one of the most popular singers of this century lol cool story bro) and she finally steps out with her ugly ass beard Joe Whats-his-face again and my gosh are the pics one of the most awkward ass photo op pics I’ve ever seen. Let’s get this back from vacation party started:

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On June 8th, Katy Perry opened up in an interview about how Tay tried to assassinate her character:

“No one has asked me about my side of the story, and there are three sides of every story: one, two, and the truth,” Katy said (via EW). “I mean, I’m not Buddha — things irritate me. I wish that I could turn the other cheek every single time, but I’m also not a pushover, you know? Especially when someone tries to assassinate my character with little girls [her fans]. That’s so messed up!”

THAT’S RIGHT KATY! SHADE THE BITCH!!!!!

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The next day, Lord Voldemort did one of the most petty, ridiculous, immature and hypocritical things ever: She released her entire music catalogue on all streaming services (Yes, including Spotify) on the same day as Katy dropped her new album Witness:

Taylor Swift just hit a major milestone so she is celebrating tonight by doing something special for fans!

The 27-year-old singer will be releasing her entire back catalog on all streaming services tonight (June 8) at midnight.

“In celebration of 1989 selling over 10 million albums worldwide and the RIAA’s 100 million song certification announcement, Taylor wants to thank her fans by making her entire back catalog available to all streaming services tonight at midnight,” her official fan account tweeted.

Two years ago, Taylor wrote an open letter to Apple Music about why she doesn’t support streaming, but the company swiftly changed their policy and she forged a partnership with them.

Something to note is that Katy Perry‘s new album Witness will also be dropping on streaming services at midnight!

Taylor Swift‘s entire back catalog of music is now available to stream on Spotify and all other streaming services!

The 27-year-old singer famously removed her music from streaming services as she didn’t feel that artists were being paid fairly for their work. After writing an open letter to Apple Music, the company changed their policy and she forged a partnership with them, allowing the service to stream her songs.

Now, all other services like Spotify, Tidal, Amazon Music, and more have the songs!

Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, Taylor‘s music hit the streaming services at the same exact time as her rival Katy Perry‘s brand new album Witness.

I LOVE HOW THESE ARTICLES TALK ABOUT HOW SHE TOOK HER MUSIC OFF OF THESE STREAMING SERVICES AFTER SHE COMPLAINED ABOUT HOW SHE I MEAN ALL OF HER FELLOW MUSIC ARTISTS ALSO DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH EVEN THOUGH SHE I MEAN THESE OTHER ARTISTS HAVE ENOUGH MONEY ALREADY

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Moreover, former death eater token black faux friend Zoe Kravitz was on Watch What Happens live promoting her film Rough Night and revealed that she hasn’t seen Tay in a long time omfg:

WOW AND LOL AT ZOE JUST SAYING THAT SHE KNOWS TAYLOR AND NOT SAYING THEY WERE SPECIFICALLY FRIENDS ROFL

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Now onto some messiness with fellow death eater/Universal Music artist Lorde, death eater Lorde decided to name drop her death eater boss with some shade oh fucking shit lol:

Lorde is opening up about the difficulty of maintaining a friendship with her pal Taylor Swift, and used a strange analogy to make her point clear!

“It’s like having a friend with very specific allergies,” the 20-year-old entertainer told The Guardian about being friends with Taylor, 27. “There are certain places you can’t go together. Certain things you can’t do. There are these different sets of considerations within the friendship. It’s like having a friend with an autoimmune disease.”

OMFG SHE FUCKING COMPARED TAY TO AN ACTUAL VIRUS I CAN’T OMFG

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The next day, Tay made Lorde apologized I mean Lorde apologized on her own terms lol:

SOMEONE ISN’T GETTING THEIR PAYCHECK HAHA

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Furthermore, on June 22nd, Haim decided to get some promotion for their dumb album by name dropping fellow Sony artist Lord Voldemort lol in ES Magazine these dumb bitches haha:

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Alana Haim on possibly collaborating with pal Taylor Swift: “The door is always open.”

EW, JUST IMAGINE A COLLAB BETWEEN TAY & HAIM GROSS

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On June 27th, some awkward ass shit happened lol, Tay made a video message for NBA star Russell Westbrook and decided to make her video message all about herself ofc ughhhhh:

WHY DOES SHE LOOK LIKE SHE JUST LEFT THE DENTIST AFTER BEING ON ANESTHESIA FOR ABOUT 2-3 HOURS STRAIGHT

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On June 30th, Tay’s ex beard Calvin Harris decided to talk about why their contract expired yet again oh gosh ughhhhh shut up:

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Also, love how he name dropped her the exact SAME DAY his album Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1 drops (What kind of name for an album? Lol, did he rip off the Guardians of the Galaxy album? Haha.):

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Still on June 30th, according to Tay’s delusional fans, Tay was spotted heading to Rhode Island with her beard Joe whatever his last name based on these grainy ass pics omfg wtf lol:

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OH DEAR, TREE AND JOE’S PUBLICIST COULD’VE HIRED 2 PEOPLE TO PRETEND TO BE TAY AND JOE AND WHY ARE YOU GUYS BASING IT BASED ON THESE POOR ASS GRAINY PICS

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Also, the bitch didn’t even throw a 4th of July party lol. Guess no one wanted to come to her whiny immature bitch bash this year lol. I bet this is what her party looked like this year:

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Anyway, on July 7th, Lorde fucked up again by basically admitting that she doesn’t hang out with her fellow death eaters haha oh gosh lol:

Lorde has always been considered a member of Taylor Swift‘s squad, but it seems she is distancing herself from that idea.

The 20-year-old singer was asked how she copes with mixing in circles with her idols like Taylor Swift and Beyonce.

“The second you think too hard about it, you just go insane, so it’s best to be like, ‘We’re in wonderland. That’s just what happens around here,’” she said. “Also, I don’t hang out with these people at all.”

When the interviewer said she’s a member of Taylor‘s squad, she responded, “You know, you make friends in different places, but I think for the most part I’m not, like, calling my idols for advice necessarily.”

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That very same day, Lorde was then forced to apologize again unless she wanted her paycheck to be revoked lol:

Lorde is speaking out to clarify interview comments she gave that have been misconstrued into people thinking she isn’t friends with Taylor Swift anymore.

The 20-year-old singer was asked about getting to meet some of her idols and she said “I don’t hang out with these people at all.”

The way the interview video was edited, it almost sounded like she was talking about Taylor and her squad.

“Wow – something of a frustrating thing to have to address online but here we go. Taylor is a dear friend. I love her very much. In the interview in question I had just been talking about Bowie and Patti Smith – those were the ‘idols’ i was referring to that I was saying I’m not friends with, not Taylor!” Lorde said in her statement on Twitter.

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On July 13th, Tay was forced to promote fellow Universal Music artist Flopena Homez’s new awful single Fetish which is currently flopping btw so I guess Taylor Swift isn’t as powerful as everyone thought she was lol:

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ALSO, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS LOOK AND FACIAL EXPRESSION FLOPENA HAS ON THE SINGLE COVER? IS SHE FOLLOWING IN HER DEATH EATER BOSS’ FOOTSTEPS & TRYING TO RIP OFF LANA DEL REY NOW, TOO?

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On July 17th, an odd story came out about Lord Voldemort:

IF THIS IS SERIOUSLY TRUE, WHICH I WOULDN’T PUT IT PAST HER IF IT WAS LIKE BITCH YOU’RE EVEN CRAZIER THAN I THOUGHT LOL ALSO, I DIDN’T KNOW TALL ASS LANKY SNAKES COULD EVEN FIT IN SUITCASES

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On the exact same day, Tree I mean a source of Tay’s denied this story:

A photo agency, Splash News, made a claim in a photo caption today that Taylor Swift was being carried in and out of her apartment via a very large suitcase.

It turns out, Splash News had to retract the story and told Just Jared that they’ve updated the caption on their site.

“I literally just put the phone down from someone on Taylor’s camp,” a Splash representative told Spin. “We’re having to actually retract that.”

The photographer who made the claim apparently was “not really a regular photographer that we [Splash News] use[s].”

“The report stated it as a fact, which we actually don’t know,” the Splash rep continued. “How could we?”

OH TREE LOL

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On July 20th, some unexpected news came out about Tay and a certain artist whom I despise lol:

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK LIKE ZAYN WOULD WANT TO DO THAT SHIT AND THEIR SCHEDULES WILL NOT MESH TOGETHER SINCE ZAYN LIKES TO CANCEL LIKE 2 DAYS BEFORE HE’S ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO PERFORM OR EVEN SHOW UP SOMEWHERE

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Then on July 23rd, Lord Voldemort emerged from the smokes once again for a photo op in New York:

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IF I HADN’T SEEN THE 1ST PIC AND JUST THE 2ND ONE, I HONESTLY WOULD’VE THOUGHT IT WAS A VERY TALL BOY OR MAN IN THAT PIC LOL

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2 days after these Daily Fail pics, Lord Voldemort and her snake beard finally came out (no pun intended) of hiding for a romantic photo op stroll across New York (just kidding lol):

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JUST LOOK AT THAT AMAZING NONEXISTENT CHEMISTRY BETWEEN THESE TWO WOW LOL ALSO WHY ARE THEY DRESSED UP LIKE TWIN DEMENTOR BITCHES?

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That’s all for this post, but I’ll be back soon to report more about the cunt and her dumbass misadventures lol. Also can I just say how happy I am to be back writing this blog for everyone. I love telling and showing you guys the real her, that’s my favorite part about writing this blog for you guys. But back to our main bitch of the hour, at least we’re actually making progress with her, I mean, we got not 1, but 2 photo ops in New York!!!! BTW, this is actual proof that she calls the paparazzi like this bitch can go incognito if she wants to so swifties you guys can stop saying she doesn’t call the paparazzi when she clearly does lol. Also, I think she’s gearing up to drop a surprise album a la Beyonce. Also, if she actually rips off Beyonce, I hope the beehive swoops in & attacks the bitch. And, if you guys don’t know, Katy Perry is hosting the VMAS and I wouldn’t be shocked if Tay made a surprising appearance to take attention away from the host. Well, I’ll be leaving now people. But, I will be back to spill more tea about Lord Voldemort and her death eater tales. Bye people!!!!

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Spotted: Lord Voldemort staging a non existent chemistry photo op with her new beard

Good afternoon to my beautiful and amazing readers on this lovely Sunday afternoon. I’m back once again to report that He Who Shall Not Be Named has finally been photographed with her new beard Joe Alwyn. And, my oh my are they just the cutest faux couple ever. (Just kidding BTW, these two look as real as a knockoff Louis Vuitton bag). They were spotted in Nashville of all places. (Guess Tay wanted to change it up from Rhode Island this time, like what’s next bitch? Orlando, Florida?). Also, I discovered something about Tay and Joe’s REAL connection. I’ll just say it has something to with a very special company that Tay has lots of connections with. Let’s discuss the pics shall we?

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Just yesterday, the paps that Tay and Joe called photographed them discussing their plans for their fauxlationship on a balcony (WTF is this shit? Romeo and Juliet? Gross.) in Nashville:

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IDK WHAT’S WORST ABOUT THESE AWFUL PICS? HOW TERRIBLE TAY LOOKS OR THE FACT THAT THEY LOOK MORE LIKE SIBLINGS WHO ARE FORCED TO HANGOUT TOGETHER AFTER A HUGE FIGHT

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Now onto their actual connection:

You guys probably remember (or the people who actually saw the movie lol) Joe’s huge box office bomb Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk right?

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Well, I found out some things about the film: The movie was distributed by Tristar Pictures:

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A SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY HUH?

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Also, look what I found out too!

SHE SAW IT WITH FELLOW SONY ARTISTS HAIM OMFG

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I’m done with this post, but not this fauxlationship. This summer, I will be keeping a close eye on how this fauxlationship will unravel and what ridiculous piece of Tay Swift clothing Joe is going to wear to her 4th of July bitch bash (Let’s face it, he’s going to wear something hideous and awful, I mean he’s attending a Tay Swift party, it’s mandatory). But gosh, he’s already looking annoyed with her, like Joe you better set yourself straight (no pun intended) or Tay will extend the contract to another year. Don’t push your luck, kid. Also, if this is what Tay is going to keep looking like in her photo ops, I wonder how what’s going to wear the next time she calls the paps? Sweatpants? Pajamas? Like, seriously aren’t you rich af? Why do you keep dressing up like a homeless person? Also, do your hair geez you look like a 5 year old with that hairstyle. I mean, you are mentally 5 years old, but geez you’re nearly 28 years old! Put yourself together! Bye now people and I will see you all next time!

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He Who Shall Not Be Named has resurfaced & she has a new beard!

Good afternoon bitches! Nat is finally back to share with you some news about everyone’s favorite whiny drama queen Taylor Alison Swift! I’m so happy to be back to report that Lord Voldemort has finally come out of the closet (No, not that one! Silly people, she would never come out of THAT closet hahahahahahahhaha). She has finally come out of the closet she has been hiding in and she has finally resurfaced!!!!! I’m gonna talk about not only that, but the new beard she found in irrelevancyville! Also, I’m also gonna talk about her ex-beard Harry Styles supposedly writing a song about her lmfao and Katy Perry talking shit about her left and right and that song she wrote about her which she sang with Nicki Minaj (YASSSSSSSSSS!) Let’s get this return party started!

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On April 13th, some fans speculated that Harry’s new song, Ever Since New York is about Taylor oh dear why:

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Funny, how they think that the song is about Haylor when this was also happening at the time:

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Moving on now, on April 20th, Tay’s goblin of a faux friend Ed Sheeran was named one of Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People list (What the actual fuck!? How much did Ed pay for that honor lol) and Tay decided to make his news all about her, I mean congratulate her faux friend on his honor haha:

The 27-year-old singer penned an essay about him for Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People feature in which she said that Ed‘s “protected by an impenetrable and ever-present armor of enthusiasm that has helped him endure any setback, letdown or underestimation.”

“A few years ago, in a rare moment of admitting feeling defeated, Ed said to me, ”I’m never going to win a Grammy.’ Yes, you are, I said. You’re going to sweep the whole thing one of these years,” Taylor wrote. “It was a few weeks later when he met me in a dance-shoe store in London, where I was picking out rehearsal outfits, and said, ‘You have to hear this.’ It was a song he’d just finished called “Thinking Out Loud,” which went on to win Song of the Year at the Grammy Awards in 2016.”

She added, “Congratulations to my friend Ed, for the legacy you’ve already built and the brilliant hook you probably just came up with five minutes ago.”

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Funny, how Tay did this before Ed dropped the music video for his new song Galway Girl on May 4th:

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Moreover, something else happened on May 4th! Tay was forced to promote her faux friends/fellow Sony artists Haim on Instagram!

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Also, that same night, Tay’s faux friend Gaygi Hadid stopped by Tay’s apartment to pick up a paycheck from her boss:

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WHY DOESN’T SHE LOOK HAPPY TO BE PICKING UP A PAYCHECK FROM TAYLOR SWIFT? ALSO, WHO TF WEARS THAT WHEN PICKING UP A PAYCHECK, TOO?

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Ironic how Gigi is photographed going inside of her boss’ apartment before these 2 announcements:

Speaking of Tommy Hilfiger, the 22-year-old model recently renewed her contract with the fashion house to continue designer her Tommy x Gigi collection for two more seasons!

Gigi is a force in the fashion industry and the ultimate Tommy Girl,” Tommy Hilfiger said, via Los Angeles Times. “Her positive, down-to-earth energy and cool, effortless style continue to captivate her audiences around the world. I have loved designing the Tommy x Gigi collections with her and I look forward to continuing our partnership for another year.”

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Let’s move on now to May 10th: Some fans and some media outlets thinks Harry’s other new song Two Ghosts might be about Taylor considering these lyrics:

Same lips, red / Same eyes, blue / Same white shirt, couple more tattoos / But it’s not you and it’s not me / Tastes so sweet, looks so real / Sounds like something that I used to feel / But I can’t touch what I see / We’re not who we used to be / We’re not who we used to be / We’re just two ghosts singing in the…” Harry‘s lyrics read.

MMMM SAME EYES BLUE, SAME WHITE SHIRT & COUPLE MORE TATTOOS HUH

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On May 13th, a miracle happened! Lord Voldemort finally came out of hiding and it looks like she might’ve gotten ass implants (Or did she gain weight? You decide from looking at the pics).

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DID SOMEONE NOT WANT TO LOOK PUT TOGETHER IN FRONT OF THE PAPS SHE OBVIOUSLY CALLED? LOL, HOW PATHETIC. ALSO, I DO THINK SHE ACTUALLY DID GET ASS IMPLANTS, CAUSE JUST LOOK AT THESE OLD PICS OF HERS:

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Back to some Gigi news gross, Tay wanted to make Gigi’s Harper Bazaar interview about her by telling lies about how “great of a friend” Gigi is lol these bitches are so delusional:

“As a friend, Gigi is one of the first people I go to for advice. She has this incredible ability to see all sides of a situation and simplify it for you, to see the complexity of people,” the 27-year-old singer said of her 22-year-old friend. “Gigi’s #1 rule is to treat people the way she’d want to be treated, so she’s on time (or early) to work, says hello to everyone on set, asks them how they are, and actually listens to their response. She is an innately kind and inclusive person who has managed to become a huge power player and businesswoman without ever compromising that.”

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Also, how hilarious that Tay did this for her fellow death eater before this came out (no pun intended) for Gigi:

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WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING IN THIS PIC? LIKE, IS SHE POSSESSED OR HIGH IN THIS PIC?

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Now onto some desperate famewhore news: Tay finally found a new desperate and gay British actor to be her new beard!

Taylor Swift has been keeping out of the spotlight, but she might have a new man in her life!

The 27-year-old superstar is reportedly dating 26-year-old British actor Joe Alwyn, according to The Sun.

The rumored couple have been keeping the relationship under wraps by donning disguises while out together in Joe‘s hometown of London.

Taylor and Joe are the real deal, this is a very serious relationship. But after what happened with Tom Hiddleston, they were determined to keep it quiet,” a source explained.

They added, “Taylor has flown in via private jets and her security has made it a military-like mission to prevent her from being seen.”

Taylor has also reportedly been renting a house in North London while spending time with Joe.

We can’t wait to see when the couple will make their public debut!

OH GOSH, I SWEAR TREE KEEPS RECYCLING THE SAME STORIES FOR HER BEARDS OVER AND OVER AGAIN AHHAAHAHHAHAHA BTW IF ANY OF YOU CARE THIS IS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE:

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OOPS! SORRY, WRONG PHOTO! THIS IS HIM:

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Also, doesn’t he look like someone we all know?

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Joe also looks a little bit like Tay’s younger brother Austin too omfg:

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WHY DOES TAY ALWAYS PICK BEARDS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY COULD BE HER BROTHER?

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Oh and I also found a video that was filmed back in October 2016 which proves that the stunt was in the works:

SO, WHEN THE DRAKE DEAL FELL THROUGH JOE WAS PLAN B OMFG

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BTW, A mere 5 DAYS after Tay and Joe’s publicists released the news about the fauxlationship, a new image from Joe’s upcoming film titled Keepers got released omfg:

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Also, on May 19th something great happened! Katy Perry finally released her new song titled Swish Swish featuring Nicki Minaj! After the song was released, people speculated that the song is in fact about Lord Voldemort! Have a listen people!

THIS IS MY JAM OMFG

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Ofc, Tay knew this song was all about her and got her faux irrelevant friends such Ruby Rose and Joseph Kahn to diss Katy on Twitter lol these dumb bitches:

NICE TRY BITCH, WE ALL KNOW YOU DO IT FOR THE PAYCHECK AND PUBLICITY. BTW, WEREN’T YOU LEECHING ONTO KATY WAY BEFORE YOU WERE LEECHING ONTO TAY?

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Funny how Barty Crouch Jr. was paid to defend Lord Voldemort before this film came out on DVD:

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DIDN’T THIS FILM JUST COME OUT IN JANUARY? WHY IS IT ALREADY OUT ON DVD?

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After that embarrassing publicity stunt, Ruby’s publicist made her apology:

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Joseph Kahn aka that irrelevant director who also directed some of Tay’s awful videos tweeted this:

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After that hot mess, Katy decided to shade the bitch by saying all of this:

“There’s a situation. Honestly, it’s really like she started it, and it’s time for her to finish it,” Katy began.

She continued, “I tried to talk to her about it and she wouldn’t speak to me…I do the right thing any time that it feels like a fumble. It was a full shutdown and then she writes a song about me, and I’m like, OK, cool, cool, cool, that’s how you want to deal with it? Karma!”

Katy added that she just wanted the drama to be done with but admitted that she felt she had to respond to Taylor.

“But what I want to say is that I’m ready for that BS to be done. Now, there is the law of cause and effect. You do something, there’s going to be a reaction, and trust me daddy, there’s going to be a reaction. It’s all about karma, right? I think personally that women together, not divided, and none of this petty bulls**t, women together will heal the world,” Katy said.

“I did try and reach out to her. I tried to do the right thing, the good thing, and you know, she shut me down and wrote a song,” Katy said.

Katy was then asked if she would pick up the phone right now if Taylor called or FaceTime’d and Katy replied, “Absolutely.”

“By the way, I am ready, because I think when women unite, the world is going to heal…I don’t have any beef with anyone. I love everyone, and honestly, I love everyone and I think we need to unite more than ever….We need to come together and love on each other today,” Katy continued.

LOOK, I DON’T LIKE KATY MUCH LIKE THE NEXT PERSON, BUT THERE WERE NO LIES DETECTED IN WHAT SHE SAID

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Just yesterday, Tay and Joe were reportedly spotted together jetting Tay’s private jet plane oh dear just keep recycling your fauxlationships Tay lol:

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I THOUGHT TAY WANTED A PRIVATE “RELATIONSHIP” WITH HER BEARD LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TAY?

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That’s it for this post. Wow, damn I wrote so much today lol. But, I had to inform you guys about Lord Voldemort’s huge return. Also, I wonder how long this fauxlationship is going to last, cause I can’t picture this fauxlationship going on for a year and a half just like the Calvin one. I just hope Joe doesn’t do anything to piss Tay off so that she could extend it for another year as punishment. Also, Joe doesn’t know what he signed up for like dude, I know you thought that Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk was supposed to be your Hurt Locker, but is this truly the way? Good luck with that flop movie career you’re going to have after the contract expires. Moreover, so basically what Tay and Tree are trying to tell us that Taylor not only “dated” 3 GUYS back in 2016, but that she also started “dating” Joe a month after her and Tom “broke up”. Like, Tay better not complain the next time someone questions her on how many guys she “dates”, like bitch you wanted the slutty pop star image, you’re getting it. Furthermore, I wonder what her 4th of July party will look like this time. Will she include clowns or even a guy doing magic tricks since she had that big slide last year lol. Also, I wonder what she will make Joe wear at her party? Jeans that has Taylor’s initials on the back or a Taylor Swift varsity jacket that has her bad lyrics on each arm? Can’t wait to report on that! Well, that’s it for me, for now anyway. Like I’ve been doing for the past year or so, I will be keeping a close eye on this fauxlationship and how dumb and immature Tay acts as well. I’m very happy to be back to report with you guys about the dumb bitch and goodbye now! I’ll see you all very soon!

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I review the rest of February and the beginning of March!

Omg guess what guys!? I’m finally back to talk to you about everyone’s favorite death eater leader Lord Voldemort aka Taylor Alison Swift. Today in her death eater adventures, I’m gonna talk about how her fellow death eaters have been name dropping her left and right. From Nagini aka Camila the cunt to Peter Pettigew aka Lena the Lard Dunham. Also, Ed Ugly Sheeran decided to unnecessarily name drop his boss in various interviews and Uncle Creepy aka Tommy Girl Hiddleston has been getting a lot of questions about his ex-beard (surprise, surprise). Let me tell you all about it:

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Before his awful Grammy performance, Ed decided to name drop Tay omfg lol how pathetic:

The 27-year-old singer’s close friend and former collaborator Ed Sheeran has revealed the extreme measures that Taylor takes to make sure her music doesn’t get into the hands of the wrong person.

“She would never send new songs, no,” Ed said in a new interview. “I hear them but it has to be with her.”

Ed even said that Taylor has people that will fly with music in locked briefcases so that certain people can hear the songs early!
“I remember when I did a song with her for her album, I was in San Francisco and they sent someone with a locked briefcase with an iPad and one song on it and they flew to San Francisco, and played the song I’ve done with her,” Ed said. “And they asked if I like it and I was like ‘Yeah’ and then they took it back, that’s how I hear it.”

DID HE JUST SUBTLETY REFER TO HER AS A CONTROL FREAK

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Also, how ironic that he name dropped her before his Saturday Night Live performance:

and you all know about the NBC and Universal partnership right?

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Moving on now, Frank Ocean decided to rightfully call out Tay winning over Kendrick Lamar at the Grammys last year:

Ok Ken (and David). As much as I hate to make you guys famous or even respond to you directly. We all die one day and you’re old so fuck it. Yea yea my 2013 performance at the Grammys was absolute shit. Technical difficulties, blah blah. Thanks for the reminder. Very much appreciated. Fuck that performance though. You think that’s why I kept my work out of the Grammy process this year? Don’t you think I would’ve wanted to play the show to ‘redeem’ myself if I felt that way? In reality, I actually wanted to participate in honoring Prince on the show but then I figured my best tribute to that man’s legacy would be to continue to be myself out here and to be successful. Winning a TV award doesn’t christen me successful. It took me some time to learn that. I bought all my masters back last year in the prime of my career, that’s successful. Blonde sold a million plus without a label, that’s successful. I am young, black, gifted and independent.. that’s my tribute. I’ve actually been tuning into CBS around this time of year for a while to see who gets the top honor and you know what’s really not ‘great TV’ guys? 1989 getting album of the year over To Pimp A Butterfly. Hands down one of the most ‘faulty’ TV moments I’ve seen. Believe the people. Believe the ones who’d rather watch select performances from your program on YouTube the day after because your show puts them to sleep. Use the old gramophone to actually listen bro, I’m one of the best alive. And if you’re up for a discussion about the cultural bias and general nerve damage the show you produce suffers from then I’m all for it. Have a good night.

GO FRANK OCEAN

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Moreover, Peter Pettigrew aka Lena Dunham was paid to defend her faux friend/boss for not speaking out the 2016 Election:

“I just think everyone has to do it their way. When I was lesser known, I was like, “Who could not share their opinion?” Then I found out that when you talk about politics, people straight up tweet you the floor plan of your house and say they’re coming to your house. You have to fucking watch it because people are nuts,” Lena told Rolling Stone.

“She’s been in the public eye since she was 15. I felt young when my career started and I was 23, 24. When I met her, she was newly 22, and she was a f*cking seasoned pro at this stuff. Watching the way that she understands the vicissitudes of the cycle, and she just keeps making her work, – that’s just really impressive to me. That’s how I hope to live my life, which is not as a slave to public opinion, but just as somebody who continues to make things,” Lena continued.
“She’s truly just an artist who has to make things to survive. I guess that’s what we have most in common. And she’s never not making music. If people know about it or they don’t, she’s never not making music, and that’s like, something that I’ve really watched with a lot of admiration. Because she’s been put through the ringer, and she’s continued to make her work. People who understand how to protect themselves but aren’t so beaten down that they can’t be creative – that to me is the greatest.”

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Also, it’s funny how Lena got a huge hefty paycheck for defending the bitch before the film for her new movie My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea Trailer debuted on the web a mere 5 DAYS afterwards oooh:

THIS LOOKS AWFUL AF, BUT IT’S A LENA DUNHAM FILM SO

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The day after Peter Pettigrew was paid to defend her boss, Nagini aka Camila the Cunt Cabello decided to name drop Tay in her Billboard Magazine interview lol oh gosh:

Cabello’s Florida friends, who all predate her appearance on The X Factor, reconnected for “Friendsgiving” in 2016 and FaceTimed an eighth-grade theater teacher who encouraged Cabello when she first got into acting and singing. She’s not much for going out: “I had a phase in Miami where I was like, ‘I’m going to do all the things I would do if I were 19,’ ” which she is. “I went [to clubs], and I was like, ‘I don’t love this.’ ” After our brunch in Los Angeles, she plans to meet Troye Sivan for coffee and then have him and Taylor Swift over to her Silver Lake Airbnb for some “chill stuff.”

OH GOSH CHILL STUFF HUH CAMILA AND YOU’RE A CELEB, WHY ARE YOU APPARENTLY “STAYING” IN AN AIRBNB HAHAHHAHAHAHAH

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Also, how hilarious that fellow SONY artist Camila the cunt name dropped her faux friend before this song came out:

MY DEAR THIS SONG SOUNDS AWFUL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT FLOP SOLO CAREER OF YOURS BITCH

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Also, Troye Sivan is a Capitol Records artist:

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And, looked what I found out about Troye lol:

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Also, Troye’s Out Magazine photoshoot came out THE SAME DAY as Camila the Cunt’s interview:

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Now onto Little Big Town ughhhhhh, one of the members, Karen Fairchild decided to say Tay will always be a, “Nashville Girl at Heart”, even though Taylor was born in Pennsylvania lol:

“She’s a Nashville songwriter,” Little Big Town‘s Karen Fairchild told USA Today. “When you write a song like “Better Man” top to bottom on your own with your acoustic guitar, that’s Nashville. She’s a storyteller. She loves country music. Her last record was more poppy but who knows? Taylor can do anything she wants to. And she will forever be a Nashville girl.”

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Funny, how Karen name-dropped Tay before their album came out:

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and also look what record label Little Big Town are a part of:

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Furthermore, Ed decided the name drop the bitch THE DAY BEFORE HIS ALBUM CAME OUT and this is what he decided to say:

“Taylor [Swift] isn’t going to be releasing until probably the end of this year – Christmas is the smartest time to release because that’s when everyone buys records. So I’ve got a full year of just all Ed, all the time,” Ed told the BBC.

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Also, he name dropped her before his awful IHeartRadio Music Awards performance a mere 2 days later lol:

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Now onto Lorde releasing new music and how Tay made it all about herself, I mean promoted her faux friend’s single, because they’re both Universal Music Group artists my bad: Tay decided to promote Lorde’s new single Green Light by doing this:

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Moving onto Uncle Creepy aka Tom Hiddleston being asked about his ex-beard lol:

Tom Hiddleston gave an interview to The Telegraph and was asked if he regretted his relationship with Taylor Swift, specifically with regards to “the publicity and gossip the romance engendered.”

The writer of the article noted that the 36-year-old “testily” responded, “What should I regret, in your mind? I would rather not talk about this if that’s alright.”

“I’m just thinking about this. Everyone is entitled to a private life. I love what I do and I dedicate myself with absolute commitment to making great art and great entertainment, and in my mind I don’t conflict the two. My work is in the public sphere and I have a private life. And those two things are separate,” he added.

EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO A PRIVATE LIFE HUH

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BECAUSE,

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YOU WERE SO

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PRIVATE LAST SUMMER THOMAS

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WITH YOUR

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RIDICULOUS SHENANIGANS

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Moreover, today Ed decided to tell the world in Rolling Stone that he not only slept with one of his other fellow death eaters (ewwwwww), he also talked about how he and Tay “always have each others backs”. BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

On hooking up with some of Taylor Swift‘s friends: “Taylor’s world is celebrity. I was this 22-year-old awkward British kid going on tour with the biggest artist in America, who has all these famous mates. It was very easy. … I would often find myself in situations just kind of waking up and looking over and being like, ‘How the f-ck did that happen?’”

Nothing can divide them! Ed Sheeran opened up about his close bond with BFF Taylor Swift in his new Rolling Stone cover story. The British singer, who just dropped his third album, Divide, first met the pop star when he opened for her 2013 Red Tour.

“I was on the most amazing f–king tour in the world. I was just living in a country that I didn’t belong in, in a town I didn’t really know anyone,” Sheeran, 26, told the mag. “She would be there if everything ended for me. Taylor is kind of an anomaly in that sense. She’s omnipresent because she’s the most famous woman in the world, so she can’t make the decision to not be in the press. I always stick up for Taylor.”

Swift, 27, became a fan when she heard his hit “Lego House” in 2011. “It just cut through everything else,” she told RS.

“It’s awesome meeting famous people. But that’s not life. That’s not reality,” Sheeran told RS. “One day this will f–king end. And I know the one person that’s going to remain constant is Cherry (Seaborn, his girlfriend). I should just enjoy this while it’s there, but not let it become my reality. Because that’s not the reality I want to live in.”

The “Castle on the Hill” singer feels the same way about Swift, even though they only see each other once or twice a year. “We’ve gotten matching Scottish folds, made each other arts and crafts Christmas presents, vacationed with our families, and had each other’s backs,” Swift told Rolling Stone. “He is the James Taylor to my Carole King and I can’t imagine a time when he wouldn’t be.”

OKAY, IF YOU CLAIM YOU 2 “HAVE EACH OTHERS BACKS” THEN WHERE WERE YOU WHEN KIMYE ATTACKED HER LAST JULY ED? AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE OTHER BULLSHIT YOU’RE SPEWING AND YOU BASICALLY ADMITTED TO JOINING HER TOUR FOR MORE EXPOSURE, DUMBASS

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Also, it’s funny how this interview came out THE DAY BEFORE he performed at his not so secret show in NYC lol:

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That’s all for the misadventures of Lord Voldemort and her fellow death eaters (for now). Oh gosh, is Ed taking lying advice from Lily Aldridge or something, because it sure seems that way lol. Also, I’m really starting to think that he’s in love with Tay like dude, she’s not into guys like go back to your girlfriend and leave Tay alone, oh wait you’re barely relevant without her so lol. Also, like I said before, I still don’t feel sorry for Uncle Creepy at all like he’s the one who wanted more fame and exposure, he got it like stop being annoyed about being asked about Tay, you idiot lol. Also, Lena, I know you’re gonna fade into irrelevancy once your stupid ass show finally says goodbye, but oh gosh you defending Tay is just making you look more pathetic than you already are lol. BTW, Camila get better PR training oh gosh like Tay has ever “chilled” in her 27 years on being on this earth lmfao, nice try bitch lol. Goodbye now and I’ll be back soon kids!

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My review so far of February 2017

Hello, hello, hello. I’m back again and it feels so damn good omg. I’m back to inform you of what’s been happening with our favorite white feminist Taylor Allison Swift in the loving month of February. I’m gonna talk about her terrible Super Bowl performance, her fake friends name dropping her and her former beard Tom Hiddleston spouting lies about him and Tay’s fauxlationship, oh gosh he’s getting more embarrassing and pathetic by the minute lol. Let me tell you all about it:

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On February 2, Tay posted a video of her rehearsing for her Super Bowl performance (thank god she didn’t take the main stage, now that would’ve been a huge disaster) and she also sang an acoustic version of her awful song I don’t wanna live forever:

SO FUCKING PITCHY OMFG

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Moving on, on February 3rd, Tay’s fake friend and fellow Sony artist Camila Cabello aka Camila the cunt decided to name drop Tay while promoting her horrible single Bad Things:

“We talk about love a lot and if I ever have any questions about love or if there’s anything that I’m going through at the time, whether it’s with a boy or with a friend, she’s a very good person to ask those kind of questions,” Cabello told The Sun. “She’s very knowledgeable about that stuff.”

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After that lying mess, Bad Things topped the pop song charts:

Machine Gun Kelly and Camila Cabello crown Billboard‘s Pop Songs radio airplay chart with “Bad Things.” The collab climbs 2-1 on the list dated Feb. 18.

The track is the first leader (and first chart entry) for rapper Kelly. Cabello reigns in her second visit as a soloist. A year ago, she reached No. 10 with Shawn Mendes on “I Know What You Did Last Summer.”

GEEZ I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED?

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On February 4th, Tay sang for Houston (Poor Houston) for her Superbowl performance yuck:

WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING ON STAGE OMFG

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Also, Ruby Rose needed a job, because she’s already had 2 flops this year and so she DJd Tay’s show lol:

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THAT FAKE SMILE OF HERS I CAN’T

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Moreover, during the Superbowl stuff, Former Glee star Lea Michele decided to name drop Tay lol:

“There isn’t a day that goes by that Taylor Swift music isn’t blasted in my house. Right now, her new song with Zayn … if I play it one more time, I might combust,” jokes the star. “I love her. I was just talking to Emma Roberts about her the other day and we were reading the inside of her booklet for Red, and she has this amazing little excerpt she wrote inside about different kinds of love. She’s really an amazing songwriter and her music is just the best girl music ever.”

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After that randomness, Tay supposedly sent Lea flowers for her comments what the actual fuck lol:

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I HOPE KARLIE WON’T GET MAD AND I WONDER IF LEA AND TAY EVER TALKED ABOUT DIANNA AGRON

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Also, let me tell you the real reason why this all happened: Lea Michele is a Columbia Records aka Sony artist!

and you all remember who the queen bee of Sony aka RCA Records is right?

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Lea has also been teasing her upcoming album like anyone asked for a 2nd album from her in the 1st place:

Michele herself has been busy lately promoting her upcoming album, Places, which features some of her most personal music yet.

“[My] first record had a little bit of a heaviness to it and was obviously more of a pop-heavy record,” she explains. “For this one, I really just kind of went back to my roots and the music I grew up listening to. Where I’m at in my life right now, which is in a really happy, positive and inspired place, I wanted all of that to really reflect in my music.”

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Now onto Tay’s faux DUFF aka Lena Dunham name-dropping her, because her terrible show is finally ending yay and she has nothing else better to do in her so called career lol:

“I think that young woman…it’s so hard. I think about the relationships that I had in my early twenties and if they had been public, it would’ve been a disaster,” Lena said.

She added, “And also, I mean, not to repeat age-old feminist points, but it’s like you know, any male actor her age who’s going out and dating is applauded and to just have a perfectly normal amount of romantic partners but be held to impossibly high standards by the press, like it’s just an unfair and unwinnable game.”

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Also, the reason why Peter Pettigrew is name-dropping Lord Voldemort is because Vogue just did a 73 questionnaire video with her as well ew lol:

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Moving on, Tay’s fellow Sony artist and faux friend Kelsea Ballerini decided to name drop her right before it’s announced that she’s a performer at the Grammys this month omg lol:

On learning from pal Taylor Swift on handling the public: “I have been super cool with things being public. I think that’s part of being relatable. But I think I’ve had to learn to be OK with not being polished all the time. I don’t get to just share the pretty things…”

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Now onto today: Uncle Creepy aka Tom Hiddleston decided to lie about his fauxlationship with Tay in GQ just so he could promote Kong Skull Island. Face it Thomas and Luke, it’s gonna flop, so just stop:

On his relationship with Taylor: “Taylor is an amazing woman. She’s generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time. Of course it was real….So we decided to go out for dinner, we decided to travel…She’s incredible. A relationship in the limelight…A relationship always takes work. And it’s not just the limelight. It’s everything else.”

On The “I Heart T.S.” t-shirt: “The truth is, it was the Fourth of July and a public holiday and we were playing a game and I slipped and hurt my back. And I wanted to protect the graze from the sun and said, ’Does anyone have a T-shirt?’ And one of her friends said, ’I’ve got this.’ ” The friend pulled out the “I ♥ T.S.” tank top that Taylor’s friends are contractually obligated to own. “And we all laughed about it. It was a joke.” So that’s his statement on the entire relationship: an explanation of the tank top. “It was a joke,” he repeats. “Among friends.”

On the conspiracy theories that their relationship was fake: “I have to be so psychologically strong about not letting other people’s interpretations about my life affect my life. A relationship exists between two people. We will always know what it was. The narratives that are out there altogether have been extrapolated from pictures that were taken without consent or permission, with no context. Nobody had the context for that story. I’m still trying to work out a way of having a personal life and protecting it, but also without hiding. So the hardest thing is that that was a joke among friends on the Fourth of July…I just, I was surprised. I was just surprised that it got so much attention. The tank top became an emblem of this thing.”

OKAY THERE WERE 2 THINGS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD WHEN I WAS READING THIS ARTICLE IT WAS THIS:

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and this

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That’s it for the month of February (for now). Oh gosh, Tom just stop you’re getting worst than Zayn and that says a lot like if you’re gonna lie tell a more convincing story like why would you slide down a waterslide and play in the water if your “back was hurting”. Heck, that was even worst than the unbelievable story Cara told on Cordon lol. Gosh, Luke is a failure as a publicist, like Tom I know he’s your boyfriend and all, but fire him, you just need a new and better publicist like stat. And, him calling Tay’s fake friends, his so called, “friends” like that was just an epic fail right there lol. Well, I’ll be leaving now, but I’ll be back the next time Tay does or says something shady or just downright stupid lol. Goodbye everyone!

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Recap of everything that happened in January 2017!

Good afternoon my amazing and wonderful readers. I’m finally back with a brand new post about everyone’s favorite spoiled brat Taylor Alison Swift. Today, I’m gonna recap everything that went down in January for our favorite stupid bitch from her awful music video to how our favorite white feminist decided not to march in the Women’s March (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK TAY!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE THIS SO CALLED FEMINIST! WHAT HAPPENED!?). Let me get started on that post for y’all:

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On January 11th, Tay was spotted leaving the gym and she actually looked like she worked out this time, it’s a fucking miracle:

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OKAY, WHAT IS UP WITH HER REFUSING TO LOOK AT THE PAPS THAT SHE OBVS CALLED AND WHY IS SHE SHOWING OFF THAT UGLY ASS BAG OF HERS I THOUGHT HER CATCHPHRASE WAS THIS:

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SO WHICH ONE IS IT TAY!?

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Also, this was announced for the bitch ughhh:

Taylor Swift wants to turn her home into a local historical landmark!

The 27-year-old entertainer requested that her Beverly Hills home be considered by the Cultural Heritage Commission to receive the landmark status, according to the Beverly Hills Courier.

The six-bedroom, five-bath mansion formerly belonged to legendary Hollywood producer Samuel Goldwyn, who built it in 1934.

The home also features a library, card room, theatre and a guest suite with separate entrance.

Taylor, who purchased the home in 2015, is requesting the historical landmark status to make sure that the classic, historic home is preserved.

1ST A MUSEUM, A CABLE CHANNEL AND NOW THIS WHAT’S NEXT YOU WANT TO BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT TAY?

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Later on, Tay wished fellow Sony artist Zayn Malik a happy birthday with a tweet basically teasing the music video for their horrible song lol:

ALSO, WHAT KIND OF TEASER IS THIS LIKE I COULD TEASE A MUSIC VIDEO BETTER THAN YOU 2 BITCHES

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Now onto Ed news puke: Tay’s faux friend Ed Sheeran WHO SHE HASN’T SEEN SINCE JULY 2016 decided to name drop her just so he could promote his 2 new singles lol:

“There’s an underdog element to it. Taylor [Swift] was never the popular kid in school. I was never the popular kid in school. Then you get to the point when you become the most popular kid in school – and we both take it a bit too far,” he explained. Sheeran is a known Swift squad member; she even recently helped promote his new music.
“She wants to be the biggest female artist in the world and I want to be the biggest male artist in the world,” he told the magazine of their equally strong ambitions. “It also comes from always being told that you can’t do something and being like, ‘F–k you. I can.’”

WAS HE DRINKING BEFORE THIS INTERVIEW OR SOMETHING?

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Speaking of fake friends, Tay’s famewhore faux friend Ruby Rose decided to name drop Tay, because she needed to promote XXX return of the Xander which ended up flopping wow we’re already in February and you’ve already had 2 flops Ruby great job Cara 2.0:

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Moving on now, on January 21, instead of being the great “feminist” she claims to be and walk in the Women’s March, the cunt decided to just tweet this lol:

IF YOU’RE SO PROUD TO BE A WOMAN, THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU WALK THEN LOL

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Also, boy did she get some hate for not walking omfg:

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Also, I love how her 12 year old fans keep saying she was too “famous” to march when:

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NATALIE IS PREGNANT BTW AND SHE MADE IT SO

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Moreover, on January 27, the music video for I don’t wanna live forever finally debuted and my oh my was it just plain awful:

THE ONLY BRIGHT SIDE OF THE VIDEO IS THAT THEY PROVED THAT THEY HAD WORST CHEMISTRY THAN DAKOTA AND JAMIE

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They also released the behind the scenes video lol:

WHY DO THEIR INTERACTIONS REMIND ME OF THIS?

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LIKE SPOT THE DIFFERENCE PEOPLE

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Going onto this: You guys remember Tay’s “inspiring” speech you know the one where she shaded Kanye for telling the truth , well it was used in a Grammy short film oh dear:

HOW MUCH DID TREE AND TAY PAY FOR THIS SHIT?

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Moving on now, Tay and Gigi finally “hungout” after not seeing each other since OCTOBER 2016:

OH GOSH IDK WHAT’S MORE AWKWARD? HOW TAY HASN’T HEARD THE SONG EVEN THOUGH IT’S BEEN ON THE RADIO SINCE DECEMBER OR HOW HIGH GIGI LOOKS LOL

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Also, it’s funny how Gigi and Tay have finally hungout THE SAME DAY this mag comes out:

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Gigi was also paid to praise the Grammy short film with her speech. Is she Tay’s fake friend or her lap dog? Idk which is which anymore lol.

Lily also decided to be thirsty and responded to Gigi’s tweet lol how pathetic:

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Remember, Lily and Gigi are both Victoria’s Secret models and IMG Models as well and Lily’s new VS Campaign pics just came out:

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That’s it for January. Oh gosh, I’m so happy that people are calling out the bitch for not walking in the Women’s March. But, really how the hell are her fans gonna defend her after that like she’s always preaching to us about feminism and whatnot and what we should do as feminist lol. But, wow her fans defending her like that no wonder she took y’all to court and threw away your unanswered fanmail lol. But, that music video was just yikes lol. Tay’s acting makes porn stars look like Oscar winners, like she was that bad and Zayn I have no words for discount Usher, like good luck with the rest of whatever’s left of your so called music career and bearding for Gigi lol. Also, did you guys see that Itunes reduced the price of IDWLF from $1.29 to $0.69? Like, doesn’t Itunes do that 2 or maybe 3 years after a song is released not 3 MONTHS. That’s pretty sad for a Taylor Swift song man lol. Goodbye everyone and I’ll be back with the post for February okay!

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