Good afternoon bitches! Nat is finally back with more news about everyone’s favorite country/pop sell out Taylor Alison Swift! So sorry, I’ve been away, I’ve been so busy with school, working out and hanging out with so many of my friends (So to all of the assholes who don’t think I have a social life, I actually do have one so shut the fuck up lol.) But, now it’s time to put those books away and get out your phones, tablets, computers and laptops of your so you can read my post. Today, I’m going to go over what happened to our favorite death eater nazi over the course of late August to late October. Let’s get this return party started bitches:
On August 25th, Taylor’s token Asian creepy music video director, Joseph Kahn was paid to tweet that the bitch didn’t copy from Beyonce’s Formation (Can this guy fuck off now?):
SHE MUST PAY THESE BITCHES A BILLION DOLLARS TO DEFEND HER NONEXISTENT ASS DAMN
On August 26-27th, Tay’s new song Look What You Made Me Do ended up getting awful reviews from the critics:
Review: Taylor Swift’s New Single ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ Is Dead on Arrival
Taylor Swift Can’t Be The Victim And The Villain
“Look What You Made Me Do” would like us to believe that we are experiencing an entirely new Taylor Swift.
On August 27th, model turned horrible actress Brooklyn Decker posted this about her looking like Zombie Tay in the LWYMMD wtf lol:
BROOKLYN, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU LOWER YOURSELF LIKE THIS? WTF WOMAN
Funny, how Brooklyn tried to make herself relevant again, before this was announced about her:
That exact same day, an interesting Washington Post article came out about our favorite death eater leader:
Taylor Swift is not a white supremacist. She doesn’t identify as a neo-Nazi, and there is no evidence to suggest that, behind closed doors, she might.
That hasn’t stopped some white supremacists from the “alt-right,” a fringe group of the movement that often uses humor and message boards like 4chan to spread its ideology, from reportedly choosing her — ironically or not remains unclear — as an icon for their movement. In much the same way Cher or Barbra Streisand can be seen as “gay icons,” a series of Internet memes, articles and message board posts have dubbed Swift an “Aryan goddess.”
It appears to have begun in 2013 when a teenager named Emily Pattinson began overlaying quotes by Adolf Hitler on Pinterest photos of Taylor Swift as a joke, Buzzfeed reported. Swift’s lawyer J. Douglas Baldridge, sent Pinterest a stern letter, asking for the images to be removed. It said, in part:
The association of Ms. Swift with Adolf Hitler undisputedly is ‘harmful,’ ‘abusive,’ ‘ethnically offensive,’ ‘humiliating to other people,’ ‘libelous,’ and no doubt ‘otherwise objectionable.’ It is of no import that Ms. Swift may be a public figure or that Pinterest conveniently now argues that the Offending Material is mere satire or parody. Public figures have rights. And, there are certain historical figures, such as Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson and the like, who are universally identified in the case law and popular culture as lightning rods for emotional and negative reaction.
Pinterest refused to take it down, citing parody laws. But those same images now appear on The Daily Stormer, which bills itself as “the world’s most visited alt-right website.”
OH SHIT TAY
Moreover, some more bad news came out about Tay that exact same day too omfg:
“Look What You Made Me Do” utilizes a vocabulary of abuse which is deeply, traumatically familiar for domestic violence survivors.
– Instead, “Look What You Made Me Do” seems to have Swift taking on the language of an abuser to exact her own karmic revenge on old enemies.
– What’s more is that “Look What You Made Me Do” is damaging and misguided, because no one can make anyone else do anything. Everyone has free will, and the ability to control their own actions.
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU LORD VOLDEMORT GEEZ LOUISE
The next day, Modern Family star Jesse Tyler Ferguson decided to tweet his opinion about the whole Lord Voldemort vs. Katy Perry debate oh dear:
FUNNY HOW JESSE SAID MOVING ON FROM THE FEUD WOULD BE A GREAT OPTION, BUT HE’S STILL VOICING HIS OPINION ABOUT IT
Ironic (no pun intended) how Jesse decided to tweet this a month before this show came back:
and before this award show came on (P.S. Modern Family was nominated for Outstanding Comedy Series at the award ceremony):
Moving on now, on August 29th, So You Think You Can Dance judge Vanessa Hudgens made a very creepy video of herself lip syncing LWYMMD (She’s also a blonde in the video wtf):
THIS WAS PROBABLY TAY WHEN SHE SAW THIS VIDEO:
I love how Vanessa made this creepy video, before she promoted this on Instagram:
Also, I love how this show airs on NBC and you all know about Tay’s NBC connection right?
That exact same day, Tay’s token black faux friend was trying to be relevant/got paid to say all of this shit about his death eater boss (Can he go back to Irrelevancyville now?):
“That is the first and only time you’ll ever see me in a crop top,” Hall joked to ET’s Denny Directo. “I had no idea that’s what I was going to be wearing. I was super into it, but I was very nervous. I’ve never done anything like that in my entire life.”
“I just thought [the idea for that section] was brilliant,” he added. “She’s just such an iconic and epic person, and whatever she puts her hands on always turns to gold. I love the fact that she expresses how she feels through her music as opposed to on Twitter, on social media. It’s always done in such an epic and creative way. I just really appreciate any artist that does that.”
Hall — who actually met and became friends with Swift years ago after she stumbled upon one of his YouTube videos — revealed to ET that he was sworn to secrecy once he heard about the project.
“We became BFFs, and then she called and said, ‘I’m working on this project that’s super secret but I know I can trust you. Will you not tell anyone?'” he recalled. “And I didn’t tell anyone. It was the best! It felt like Christmas came early because when it came out my phone blew up more than it ever has before. Everybody was freaking out about it. It’s such an epic and iconic video to be a part of.”
“I think it was shot in May,” he continued. “And it was a huge secret to keep and it was very difficult … It speaks volume of what type of person Taylor is, that she could have all those people on set and then it not leak. People really respect her, she treats everyone so well. And I don’t know if I’m supposed to say this, but on the day that it came out, she sent everybody these beautiful bouquets of flowers and said, ‘Thank you so much for being a part of this and keeping it a secret,’ because it just made it so much more epic.”
Although he “didn’t know very much about” the video before filming began, it was a project he couldn’t pass up.
“I understand why she wasn’t able to tell me a lot because it was a huge project so close to her and she filmed it so much before it came out,” he said. “So, I respected that and completely was like, ‘I trust that you’re going to put me in a positive light and that the video is going to be amazing.'”
The video also features a dance break with Hall, Swift and the rest of the backup dancers, beginning at the 3:05 mark. Hall confirmed to ET that he didn’t have anything to do with the choreography — the dance was created by Swift’s longtime choreographer, Tyce Diorio, the mastermind between her moves in “Shake It Off.”
“I was so impressed because, no shade to other people in the industry, but there are a lot of people who try to dance, but with her, it seems very natural,” he said. “We’ve had a lot of experience, Taylor and I, dancing at the clubs, so I knew she had what it took. But sometimes it’s difficult to translate your club dancing to your on-camera dancing, and I thought she did such an amazing job.”
“She was so kickass,” he continued. “And we didn’t film it that many times, she just killed it every single performance. I mean, I’ve worked with Beyonce and I’ve gotten to work with Taylor and it was a very similar thing. She’s a perfectionist — she was never going to go out on camera and not show herself in the best light. I thought she was amazing. For your first time ever dancing? That looks like she’s been dancing her entire life.”
Simply put, Hall couldn’t be more proud of his pal.
“I love the fact that she takes so much pride and appreciates the art form that is dancing and what we do and wanted to make sure that her dancing was at the same level as the dancers,” he gushed. “She accomplished that. I’m so proud of her.”
“Taylor is definitely raising the bar, everybody else better take note,” he added. “I’m just proud of her because she’s such an amazing person on the inside and out. She’s treated me so kindly … I’ve never seen her be anything less than an angel. She’s like a living, breathing Cinderella. So, it’s really cool to just watch her shine like that.”
As for all those secret messages in the video? Well, looks like fans will have to continue speculating on what they all mean on their own.
“I’m not sure what the message she’s trying to get across is, I don’t necessarily wanna speak on that, but I just think that whatever it is she’s trying to get across, she’s saying it through her music and her lyrics, and it’s all metaphoric, so that it can be open for interpretation,” he shared. “I just think it’s so genius! I’m so inspired by her, and when she says, ‘Look what you made me do,’ she means, ‘Look what you made me do… you made me break records, you made me sell more records than anyone else’ … it’s just really insane.”
Before the interview ended, Hall also opened up about all those Beyoncé “Formation” comparisons.
“I am a huge Beyoncé fan, I’m like a chair board member of the Beygency,” he explained. “I wasn’t concerned because I knew what was to come and I knew that there was nothing even [remotely] Beyoncé -esque about the actual performance.”
“Beyoncé did not invent lines or standing in lines,” he continued. “I think that what we did was really cool of just image … that was Lemonade, this is kinda just like soda pop. It’s different. They’re both great drinks, but different drinks.”
WHY DOES THIS ALL SOUND LIKE FANFICTION WRITTEN BY A 12-YEAR OLD GIRL?
Love how Todrick lied about him and Lord Voldemort’s faux friendship before this was announced about him:
On August 30th, Joseph Kahn was once paid again to tweet Tay (this guy is becoming more creepier than both Ed and Todrick combined, damn):
Now onto September:
On September 2nd, Lord Voldemort was a bridesmaid at her lap dog Abigail Anderson’s wedding:
WOW SOMEONE LOOKS HAPPY BEING ABIGAIL’S (YOU KNOW HER SUPPOSED BFF SINCE FOREVER) BRIDESMAID
Also, I love how there are cameras at her “BFF’s” wedding that was in Massachusetts of all places lol. I wonder who called them…….
Also, the exact same day this shit happened omfg:
I KNEW SHE HATED HER OWN FANS BUT DAMN THIS WAS JUST BRUTAL
Moreover, I’d like to analyze this video for a sec:
We see someone walking to the black car with these shoes:
I know everyone thinks this is Tay, but look what I found:
The next day, on September 3rd, Tay released her 2nd single from Reputation titled Ready For It:
GEEZ, THIS SONG IS EVEN WORST THAN LWYMMD UGHHHHHH
Also, I love how she not only released this song the DAY AFTER Abigail’s wedding, but that she also debuted it during an ESPN game omfg and my gosh the reactions were not well received hhahahahahahhha:
Of course, after the awful song has been released, her dumbass fans began to wonder whether or not the song is about her beard Joe Alwyn fucking dumbasses smh:
Some fans have already been wondering if the song is about Taylor‘s current boyfriend, as the lyrics seem to indicate she is currently in love.
“It sounds like …Ready For It? is about Joe Awlyn and @taylorswift13 and I’m about to scream because it’s too cute,” one fan wrote. Another added, “this song HAS to be about Joe Alwyn and I’m dying,” and a third said, “Why do I feel like this is a song for Joe Alwyn?”
Some lyrics fans are pointing to include, “Some boys are trying too hard/He don’t try at all though/Younger than my exes but he act like such a man so/I see nothing better, I keep him forever/Like a vendetta,” which points to the man being younger than some of her exes. Joe is 26 years old, and younger than her last two exes, Tom Hiddleston and Calvin Harris.
In the song, Taylor also seems to be talking about someone in her life currently.
“Every lover known in comparison is a failure/I forget their names now/I’m so very tame now/Never be the same now,” Taylor sings.
LOVE HOW ONE OF THE LYRICS IS BASICALLY BOYS ARE TRYING TOO HARD EVEN THOUGH SHE’S SUPPOSEDLY “STRAIGHT”
Also, besides Joe being younger than Tay, there’s also someone else who is also younger than she is:
Moreover, her dumbass idiotic fans also theorized that she talked about her ex beard Harry Styles in the awful song, too (dis bitch):
“Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted/But if he’s a ghost then I can be a phantom,” Taylor sings in the song.
THAT’S IRONIC THAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT GHOST IN HER SONG, BECAUSE NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE BELIEVE IN GHOSTS JUST LIKE HOW SOME PEOPLE NEVER BUY HER FAUXLATIONSHIPS
Furthermore, Tay liked something on Tumblr that according to her fans basically confirms that she’s not in fact a Trump supporter (Wow, this totally proves she isn’t a Trump supporter):
YOU KNOW SWIFTIES, THERE’S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIKING SHIT AND SPEAKING OUT ABOUT STUFF
On September 4th, the CMA Awards nominated Tay for something (Wow, she gets nominated after fucking stabbing every country person in the back by leaving for pop music lol):
Taylor Swift is once again being embraced by the country music community and she is a nominee at the upcoming 2017 CMA Awards!
The last time the 27-year-old singer was nominated was in 2014 when she landed a Female Vocalist of the Year nod. After going in the pop music route with her album 1989 that year, she stopped getting recognition from the country music awards shows.
Taylor is now nominated for Song of the Year for writing the song “Better Man” for Little Big Town.
On that exact same day, Lord Voldemort announced this shit:
CANNOT WAIT FOR HER TO TAKE YOUR ASSES TO COURT ONCE AGAIN
On September 5th, Tay and Tree aka Tay’s publicist, I mean someone accidentally leaked Tay’s wedding toast speech to her supposed BFF Abigail at Abigail’s wedding (This was Abigail’s wedding right? I mean, I’m hearing more about her famous bridesmaid than the actual bride and groom of the wedding):
“She’s running after him, there’s falling, there’s stumbling… They make it to the bathroom, and I hear sounds that I can never unhear… And then there’s silence,” Taylor said in the clip.
WOW SHE EMBARRASSED HER OWN SUPPOSED “BFF” AT HER OWN WEDDING SMH
That same day, Tay decided to announce she was performing at the SuperBowl!!! (Just kidding, she’s way too boring and stiff to even perform at that event lol):
Taylor Swift is reportedly going to be performing at the College Football National Championship halftime show this coming January.
The annual event is watched by millions and is considered college football’s biggest event. This year, the game will be held in Atlanta, Georgia, but we obviously won’t know who is playing in the game for many months.
“She will headline a concert in Centennial Olympic Park during halftime of the game,” a source told ET. “It will be a free concert. ESPN has her booked for the event and has a massive deal to release new music from [her upcoming album] Reputation through its college football coverage this season.”
According to reports, Taylor‘s endorsement deal with Coca-Cola prevents her from performing at the Super Bowl halftime show because it is sponsored by Pepsi.
AWWW BECAUSE OF HER ENDORSEMENT WITH COCA-COLA (WHICH IS AN UNHEALTHY DRINK BTW, SHOULDN’T BE ENDORSING AN HEALTHY DRINK LIKE FIJI WATER OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT?) SHE HAD TO SETTLE FOR THE DISCOUNT VERSION OF THE SUPERBOWL
Also on September 5th, a former Twitter user said that the website suspended her after she shaded Lord Voldemort (I thought everyone had the right to free speech in this world wtf):
WOW, YET DONALD TRUMP IS STILL ALLOWED TO HAVE A TWITTER EVEN THOUGH HE SAYS WAY WORST THAN THIS USER EVER DID
On September 7th, Joseph Kahn spoke out yet again and said that Beyonce copied Bad Blood (like Beyonce would ever copy that cunt in a million years):
“It’s not ‘Formation’ at all,” Joseph said about the Beyhive thinking Taylor copied the “Formation” video. “They try to say she’s wearing a black crop top and Beyoncé wore a black crop top. But they don’t realize in 2015 in ‘Bad Blood,’ Taylor Swift was wearing a black crop top. I really do think, by the way, that Beyoncé copied ‘Bad Blood.’”
IS HE IN LOVE WITH TAY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? LIKE DUDE,
Moreover, various lawyers responded to Tay’s ridiculous trademarking shit by saying this:
WOW, FOR LAWYERS THEY ALL SOUND LIKE DUMBASSES
In addition, an AT&T commercial featuring Andy Samberg and Tay got released oh no:
LOVE THAT NOT SO SUBTLE HINT OF TAY HIDING IN THE CLOSET FROM ANDY IN THE VIDEO
Oh I forgot to mention something as to why Andy Samberg is in this music video:
His band The Lonely Island is a part of Universal Republic Records:
And, if you hadn’t guess from the name which music label umbrella Republic Records is under, this is it:
Also on that same day, this shit was announced wtf:
On September 8th, Billboard published this bullshit article:
OH DEAR I ALREADY SEE TAY AND TREE PAYING FOR THESE BULLSHIT ARTICLES ABOUT HOW “AMAZING” TAY IS
Also, on that exact same day, Joe aka Tay’s ugly beard got some great news about his dead film career:
GEEZ I WONDER HOW THAT HAPPENED
On September 9th, Joseph Kahn (Can this asshole go away now? No one cares about you nor your sick obsession with Tay) went to the Variety Studios at Toronto Film Festival sponsored by AT&T and said that Taylor is not a racist nor a Trump supporter cough shut the fuck up asshole cough:
He also said she isn’t manipulative too (dude, she’s never ever going to date you in a million years stop it omfg):
• Kahn on Swift: “The biggest insult anyone throws at her is that she’s manipulative. What does that mean? As an artist, because you know what clothes you want to wear, you know what edits you want to make, you know what the set-ups are, you know what the theme of every idea is, you know what your lyrics are. Is that manipulative or is that just being smart?”
• About the Taylor/Beyoncé “Lemonade” joke he made: “In a world over earthquakes, and hurricanes, and possible nuclear war…a joke about crop tops is the most dominant thing in media for the last couple days. That’s a little insane don’t you think? And also the other thing is when people are saying the video copies “Lemonade” and then I make a joke back that well there’s a crop top in “Bad Blood,” um, “Lemonade” is copying “Bad Blood.” Do I really care about crop tops or am I making a joke about the obsession with this sort of celebrity warfare? You make your decision.”
• Kahn goes on to say that Taylor is Taylor and is consistent with who she is.
• “Bottom line, great person, smart, an artist.”
• Has heard the entire album “Reputation” but cannot go into details. But says it is “spectacular” and “a monster.”
HIS SICK AND CREEPY OBSESSION WITH HER REMINDS ME OF CHRIS’ RELATIONSHIP WITH ROSE FROM GET OUT AND FOR ALL OF US WHO HAVE SEEN THAT MOVIE, YOU ALL KNOW HOW THAT RELATIONSHIP ENDED
On September 10th, Flopena Homez went to visit her faux friend death eater boss Lord Voldemort, so that she could pick up a paycheck from her in New York:
I JUST LOVE IT WHEN CELEBS HIDE THEIR FACES FROM THE PAPS THEY CALL LOL
BTW, I love that Flopena visited her faux friend (when Tay didn’t even support her basic ass in rehab smh) while she’s trying to not only do damage control for working with Woody Allen:
I WONDER HOW SHE GOT CAST
and before her Business of Fashion magazine came out:
and her PUMA ad came out as well:
On September 11th, discount Usher aka Zayn Malik decided to name drop Tay so he could try to campaign for that Oscar he’ll never be nominated for nor win how pathetic is this man lol:
Zayn Malik was asked if he can relate to the criticism Taylor Swift receives over her music and personal life, and he offered her some really nice praise.
“To be honest with you… when it comes to anything that has to do with trivia about people’s personal lives or things that’s going on in their careers, I don’t necessarily pay too much attention. I don’t pay too much attention to what people even say about me. I just tend to take it for what it is when I meet them people in real life and have a conversation with them. If they’re cool with me, then I base my relationship on that,” Zayn told The Fader.
“In terms of relating to it, of course I relate to things being written about us all the time. But I don’t listen to it. I rate her as an artist, I think she’s cool, I think she’s successful, and I think she deserves her success because she’s worked hard. That’s just how I look at it. I did a song with her, it was fun, she was professional. She gets on with my girlfriend, they’re good friends. I don’t have a bad word to say about her. She’s cool,” he continued.
WHAT CRACK WAS HE SMOKING BEFORE THIS INTERVIEW?
Also, I loved that he name dropped her before this song came out:
and don’t forget which record label Tay and Zayn are both part of:
On September 13th, Maggie Gyllenhaal aka sister of Tay’s ex beard Jake, went on Watch What Happens Live and was asked about Tay’s “missing scarf” that Jake had for the stunt that happened 7 FUCKING YEARS AGO OMFG LET IT GO BITCHES:
I LOVE HOW CONFUSED AND SLIGHTLY ANNOYED MAGGIE SOUNDS IN THE VIDEO AS IF SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE HER BROTHER’S “RELATIONSHIP” WITH LORD VOLDEMORT WAS FAKE AND CONTRIVED OH WAIT
On September 15th, Tay released a behind the scenes video of LWYMMD with her transformation into a zombie (I’m shocked it took so long considering Tay herself looks exactly like a zombie without any of that makeup oh well lol):
WALKING DEAD DID THE ZOMBIE LOOK WAY BETTER TAY
On September 18th, Tay’s ex beard Jake Gyllenhaal was asked about Lord Voldemort in an interview and this is what happened:
Jake Gyllenhaal sat down for an interview with a Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman, who he portrays in the new movie Stronger. Jeff lost both of his legs in the tragedy.
During the interview, they went back and forth several times about favorite Boston-based movies, best places to eat, and more.
Then, Jeff asked, “If you lost your legs in real life, do you think Taylor Swift would write a song about it?” Jake responded, “For me, or about it?”
“For you. Like a country song,” Jeff added to which Jake responded, “She sort of moved more into pop now.” And that was that!
WOW HE ONLY GOT ONE QUESTION ABOUT THE BITCH AND THE MEDIA MADE INTO A BIG FUCKING DEAL
On September 16th, NPR talked about how Tay has been quiet about white supremacy:
DAMN THIS ARTICLE WENT IN
On September 18th, Tay got sued by 3lW’s songwriters claiming Tay copied one of their songs holy shitmas:
IF SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING RIPPED THEM OFF, LIKE GEEZ SHE’S EVEN MORE SHITTIER THAN I THOUGHT
On September 20th-21st, to make you guys actually like LWYMMD, Tay released more behind the scenes videos of the music video:
WOW ALL OF THESE BEHIND THE SCENES VIDEOS MAKES THE VIDEO EVEN MORE WORST THAN IT IS
On September 21st, Cardi B was expected to go #1 on the Billboard Charts with Bodak Yellow and so to dethrone Cardi, Tay discounted LWYMMD on Itunes hahahahhahhaahha:
Taylor Swift has discounted her song “Look What You Made Me Do” on iTunes less than a month after release. She has never discounted a song off of her discography before. To compare, Cardi B’s team just decided to discount the song for the first time this past week, 12 weeks in her chart run.
It is probably too late since the tracking week ends tonight. Cardi B is still expected to snatch #1 from Taylor, but it looks like she is looking to regain the top spot the week after.
TAY IS GOING TO GET DETHRONED BY A RAPPER
On September 22nd, an interesting story came out about Tay and Joe involving cokewhore awful model turned horrible actress Cara Delevingne:
As one of the world’s biggest pop superstars, TAYLOR SWIFT is instantly recognisable to millions – but she is becoming a master of espionage. I can reveal Taylor made another under-the-radar visit to the UK this month as her romance with Brit actor JOE ALWYN hots up. And she didn’t even have to resort to booking an Airbnb — pal CARA DELEVINGNE helped her keep things quiet by hosting the loved-up pair during their stay in London.
A showbiz source said: “Taylor made the trip to England to spend time with Joe’s family and friends, and Cara offered to have them at her place in Chiswick. Obviously Taylor can stay at the world’s swankiest hotels but that’s not really her bag. She’s trying to keep a low profile with Joe, and staying with Cara has let her do that. Instead of being stopped by fans for selfies, they’ve been able to come and go totally unnoticed. They can even walk Cara’s dog round the local park without anyone batting an eyelid.
“Things are getting serious between them, and Taylor wants to spend as much time getting to know Joe’s world as possible. They can’t get enough of each other.”
Cara bought her period property in West London for almost £3million and has spent time renovating it before fully moving in last year. And it’s clearly now fit for her A-list pals.
IF THESE 2 ARE SO “UNDERCOVER” AND “PRIVATE” LIKE THEY’VE BEEN SAYING SINCE THEY 1ST STARTED “DATING”, WHY ARE THEY LETTING THEIR PUBLICISTS LEAK STORIES LIKE THIS?
Also, I love that this news about Cara, Taylor and Joe came out after this was announced for Cara’s flop of a film Valerian:
SANTA MONICA, CA (September 13, 2017) – Packed with out-of-this-world action unlike anything you’ve ever seen, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets heads to 4K Ultra HD Combo Pack (plus Blu-ray and Digital HD), Blu-ray Combo Pack (plus DVD and Digital HD), and DVD November 21 from Lionsgate; and on Digital HD November 7 and On Demand November 21. Based on the best-selling French comic series “Valérian and Laureline” by Pierre Christin and Jean-Claude Mézières, published by Dargaud – visionary writer/director Luc Besson (The Fifth Element, Lucy) advances this iconic source material into a contemporary, unique and epic science fiction saga produced by Virginie Besson-Silla. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets stars Dane DeHaan (The Amazing Spider-Man 2), Cara Delevingne (Suicide Squad), Golden Globe® nominee Clive Owen (Children of Men), Academy Award® nominee Ethan Hawke (Best Supporting Actor, Boyhood, 2014), Golden Globe® & Emmy® winner John Goodman (voice) (“Rosanne”) with 7-time GRAMMY Award® winner Rihanna, and Golden Globe® winner Rutger Hauer (Bladerunner). The film features a soundtrack by Oscar® winner Alexandre Desplat (Best Original Score, The Grand Budapest Hotel, 2014)
BTW, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME TAY AND CARA EVEN HANGED OUT TOGETHER?
On September 23rd, Liam Gallagher formerly of the has-been band Oasis, praised Taylor so that he could be relevant lol:
“I don’t know what pop music is. Taylor Swift makes some good pop songs. You know what I mean? ‘Shake It Off’ is a fucking tune. You get ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams, which is a great pop song. Some of it is good,” Liam continued. “And then some of it is just fucking meaningless fucking bullshit, you know what I mean?”
LIAM, GO BACK TO HAS-BEEN ISLAND WITH YOUR BROTHER NOEL, YOU WERE LESS ANNOYING OVER THERE
Also, how hilarious that Liam name-dropped Tay, before this album came out in October:
On September 25th, the greatest thing happened, Cardi B dethroned Lord Voldemort for #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts!!!!!!!!!!
Cardi B has dethroned Taylor Swift on the Billboard Hot 100 with her debut single “Bodak Yellow” and she is making history with the feat!
The 24-year-old entertainer becomes the first female rapper in 19 years to reach number one on the Hot 100 without having a featured artist on the track.
Lauryn Hill was the last female rapper to top the chart with a solo track.
Post Malone‘s new song “Rockstar” featuring 21 Savage is debuting this week at number two, pushing Taylor‘s “Look What You Made Me Do” to number three after three weeks at the top.
Rounding out the top five are Logic‘s “1-800-273-8255″ featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid at number four and Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee‘s “Despacito” featuring Justin Bieber at number five.
THIS WAS PROBABLY TAY WHEN SHE HEARD THE NEWS
To make it seem like she wasn’t upset about getting dethroned, Tay had Tree order flowers for Cardi B:
On September 26th, Andy Cohen asked singer Fergie about whether or not she thought LWYMMD sounded exactly like My Humps by her old band The Black Eyed Peas and this was her response:
I KNOW SHE REALLY DIDN’T SHADE HER OR ANYTHING BUT SHE DID CONFIRM THAT SHE THOUGHT THEY SOUNDED SIMILAR
That same day, Nagini aka Camila Cabello name-dropped her former faux friend death eater boss (Like seriously, these two are still faux friends? LOL SURE):
OH GOSH THIS STORY IS AS REAL AS NAGINI’S SINGING TALENT
Funny, how Nagini (who literally hasn’t seen Tay in a long time lol) name dropped her before these came out:
The nominees are officially in for the 2017 Latin Grammy Awards!
39-year-old Puerto Rican superstar Residente leads the pack with nine nominations, followed closely by Maluma (7) and Shakira (6).
Other popular nominated acts include Pitbull, Nicky Jam, J Balvin and Camila Cabello.
The Latin Recording Academy will host the 18th annual ceremony on November 16 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas from 8-11 P.M. EST.
Best Urban Song
“A Chapa É Quente!” – Emicida & Rael
“Coqueta”- Luis Díaz, Alejandro Estrada, Bruno Og & Jonathan Torres
“El Amante” – Nicky Jam, Juan Diego Medina Vélez & Cristhian Mena
“Hey Ma (Spanish Version)” – J Balvin, Camila Cabello, Phillip Kembo, Johnny Michell, Pitbull, Rosina “Soaky Siren” Russell, Jamie Sanderson & Tinashe “T-Collar” Sibanda
“Papa” – Lápiz Consciente & Vico C
“Somos Anormales” – Rafael Arcaute, Igor Koshkendey & Residente
WHO DID SHE BANG FOR THAT NOMINATION? ALSO, I LOVE HOW HER ONLY NOD IS A COLLAB
Before her Elvin Duran performance:
and her performing on the Today Show:
WHAT IS UP WITH ALL OF HER TRASHY OUTFITS AND HAIRSTYLES DURING HER PERFORMANCES? DOES HER STYLISTS HATE HER AS MUCH AS WE DO?
Also, don’t forget Nagini and Lord Voldemort’s ACTUAL connection:
After that mess, on September 29th, Lord Voldemort shared her Spotify playlist even though she took all of her music off of the streaming site, because they weren’t paying her enough oh well:
I LOVE HOW MOST OF THE SONGS ON THE PLAYLIST ARE EITHER SONY OR UNIVERSAL MUSIC GROUP ARTISTS HOW IRONIC HUH
Also, on the same day, dumbass swifties thought UPS (Whom Tay partnered up with to promote her awful upcoming album) was teasing a new single oh dear lol:
THIS COMMERCIAL IS JUST AS CHEESY AND AWFUL AS HER SONGS DAMN
On September 30th, this was announced for both Taylor and her ex beard Harry Styles:
I HOPE KARLIE WALKS AND THAT TAYLOR GIVES HER LOTS OF HEART EYES WHEN KARLIE IS WALKING ON THE RUNWAY WHILE TAY SINGS JUST LIKE THIS:
On October 2nd, Billboard Hot 100 announced that Cardi B was still #1 on the charts while Tay fell 2 spots behind Cardi aahahahahahaahahahah:
For a second week in a row, Cardi B is No. 1 with “Bodak Yellow”. Post Malone’s “Rockstar” featuring 21 Savage, holds the No. 2 spot and Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” remains at No. 3. Logic’s “1-800-273-8255” featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid, stays at No. 4, and Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee’s “Despacito” featuring Justin Bieber, remains at No. 5 on the Hot 100
• Demi Lovato has now peaked at No. 10 with “Sorry Not Sorry” which jumped from No. 15
• The top 5 is expected to stay the same next week, but with Logic’s “1-800-273-8255” going No. 2 and Post Malone’s “Rockstar” falling to No. 4.
Other notable jumps/debuts:
No.17: Imagine Dragons – Thunder (+13)
No.44: Camila Cabello ft Young Thug – Havana (+20)
No.48: Dua Lipa – New Rules (+5)
No.58: Ed Sheeran – Perfect (+31)
No.70: Macklemore ft Kesha – Good Old Days (debut)
On October 4th, Kesha talked about her faux friendship with Tay oh dear why Kesha:
– In Rolling Stone‘s new cover story, Kesha discusses her relationship with Taylor Swift. After a judge ruled against Kesha’s request for a quick injunction that would allow her to record for a different label back in February 2016, Taylor donated $250,000 toward Kesha’s expenses during her legal battle with Dr. Luke.
– Kesha says Taylor, “is a fucking sweetheart. Very, very sweet, very, very genuine, extremely generous, picks up the phone every time I call her. My mom doesn’t even always pick up the phone!”
-When asked about Taylor’s latest drama, Kesha says, “I’m not really up on my pop culture. Should I know something about it? I live in my record player.”
Guys, remember what record label Kesha is a part of:
and she’s also on tour right now:
On October 5th, Tay and Tree, I mean a random source leaked a pic from Tay being Abigail’s bridesmaid at ABIGAIL’S wedding:
I LOVE HOW PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED BY TAY TRYING TO STEAL AWAY THE ATTENTION OF HER SUPPOSED “BFF” AT HER WEDDING WHEN SHE DID THE EXACT SAME SHIT AT HER OTHER SUPPOSED “BFF’S” WEDDING TOO, NEARLY A YEAR AGO
WHY DO ALL OF THESE PICS REMIND ME OF THAT SNL SKIT WHEN KRISTIN WIIG PLAYED KRIS JENNER?
SPOT THE DIFFERENCE PEOPLE
On October 8th, Swiftie death eaters in training noticed that their death eater lord was stalking them on Instagram wtf:
I LOVE HOW SHE STALKED THE FANS WHO SHE NOT ONLY TOOK TO COURT, BUT ALSO THE ONES WHOSE FANMAIL SHE THREW AWAY IN NASHVILLE. ALSO, SHE SO ISN’T DOING THIS SO THAT THEY COULD BUY REPUTATION NEXT MONTH.
On October 9th, Tay booked not 1, but 2 performances for Reputation ughhhhhh:
Taylor Swift has announced two concert dates in December – her first shows since this past February!
The 27-year-old entertainer has teased a 2018 tour, and these concerts are seemingly a pre-cursor to her big kick off.
Taylor will be performing at California radio station 99.7 Now!’s Poptopia on December 2 and Chicago’s B96 Jingle Bash on December 7. The lineups include lots of other artists like Ed Sheeran, Fifth Harmony, Backstreet Boys and Khalid, so these are not solo shows.
Taylor‘s upcoming album Reputation will hit stores on November 10.
On October 10th, this was announced for Tay:
Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith and tons of other superstars are set to hit the stage on the 2017 iHeartRadio Jingle Ball Tour Presented by Capital One!
iHeartRadio announced the huge line-up for the upcoming series of shows on Tuesday (October 10), which will also include performances by The Chainsmokers and Fall Out Boy.
The tour will stream live on CWTV.com, the CW app and will be broadcasted in an exclusive nationwide special on The CW Network on December 14.
The pre-sale for the tour begins on Wednesday (October 11) at 10 a.m. local time and runs through Saturday (October 14) at 10 a.m. local time. Tickets go on sale to the general public on Monday (October 16) at 12 p.m. local time. For all ticket info, head to iHeartRadio.com.
LORD VOLDEMORT, SAM SMITH AND ED SHEERAN ARE ALL PERFORMING, COUNT ME OUT
On October 11th, Lord Voldemort announced that she was creating a new APP called The Swift Life (What an original name):
It’s a Swift Life for fans of Taylor Swift!
The 27-year-old superstar just announced that she’s partnering with Glu Mobil to launch her own social platform called The Swift Life.
The app is set to be a creative, inclusive and community-driven place for users to better connect with Taylor and each other.
“We’ve worked closely with Taylor and her team to bring her creative vision to life. The result is a deeply social environment where Taylor and her fans are able to better connect with one another while expressing themselves in an interactive community. We look forward to its worldwide launch later this year,” Glu Mobile President and CEO Nick Earl said in a statement.
The Swift Life is set to be released in late 2017.
WOW, CHARGING EVEN MORE MONEY FOR HER DUMBASS FANS AND I LOVE HOW SHE’S FUCKING RIPPING OFF KIM KARDASHIAN FOR THIS APP
That same day, Pink decided to change her mind about being Team Death Eater when it came to the Lord Voldemort vs Katy Perry feud:
Pink is speaking out against pitting pop stars against each other.
The 38-year-old Beautiful Trauma singer revealed to the LA Times that she briefly got caught up in some unwanted drama when asked “Team Katy or Team Taylor?” during a radio interview in August. She ultimately picked Taylor – but seems to regret that she even made a pick at all.
“I should’ve just kept my mouth shut, because I don’t believe that. I don’t care. But I felt rushed and I didn’t know what to do. And I paid for it, because then the next day: ‘Pink is Team Taylor,’” she explained.
She also reacted to the climate of pop star feuds in general: “It surprises me how snarky it’s gotten. There were always these feuds between rock stars — I mean, if you like Oasis, there’s always a feud. But it’s gotten pretty bad. And we’re giving our power away by playing into it,” she said.
Moreover, in order for her stupid ass fans to buy her album, Tay went to a fan’s house in the UK:
I LOVE HOW IN SOME OF THESE PICS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE HER WRINKLES
Furthermore, Playboy rightfully shaded Tay and said she could learn a thing or 2 from Eminem’s shady Trump rap (oh motherfucking shit):
WOW YOU KNOW IT’S BAD WHEN FUCKING PLAYBOY AND EMINEM ARE MORE WOKE THAN LORD VOLDEMORT
On October 12th, Liam Payne talked about being stuck in an elevator with Taylor wtf ew:
Liam Payne is opening up about a super random encounter with some of music’s biggest names!
During a recent interview with Z100, the 24-year-old singer recalled his one of his favorite times with pal Ed Sheeran – and it included Harry Styles and Taylor Swift!
“I got in a lift once, my parents were there, this is a really random story,” Liam said. “And Taylor Swift was in the lift. I was in the lift, Harry was in the lift, Ed Sheeran, and my parents. And the lift was going up and he just kept going turning around to me going, ‘Bass.’ And that’s all he was saying. ‘Bass.’ So that’s one of my favorite party stories.”
LIAM WTF DON’T TURN INTO ZAYN WITH TELLING BS STORIES LIKE THIS
Oh, I forgot to tell you guys, Liam is a part of Capitol Records:
Look what else I found out about Capitol Records:
On October 13th, Shania Twain decided to name drop Tay to promote her upcoming album (Why Shania whyyyyyyyyy):
Shania Twain headlined the inaugural VH1 Divas Live back in 1998 alongside Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, Celine Dion and Gloria Estefan.
And if she could do it again, she’d invite Rihanna and Taylor Swift!
The Canadian superstar, who just debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 with her new record Now, revealed her dream picks in an interview with PrideSource.
“Rihanna, for sure,” Shania revealed when asked who she’d want to sing with.
“She’s just so awesome. I love her voice; I never get tired of it. Never, never. And we hear it so much on the radio, right? She’s every second song on the radio and I just never get tired of it. Even with ‘Love on the Brain’ – I mean, it just doesn’t get better than that. So, she’d definitely be on my list.”
And another addition? “Taylor would be a good one,” she said.
“She’d be a must on Divas, for sure. She’s awesome. She’s such a great creative person and a super songwriter and really uses her brain, so it’s lovely to watch her.”
Also, not only did Shania’s new album just come out, but she and Tay have a special little record label connection:
That same day, Tay had her “Secret Sessions” in London with her stupid Republican fans:
LOVE HOW THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE “SECRET SESSIONS” BUT YET THEY’RE SO PUBLIC
Moreover, more pics from Tay’s “Secret Sessions” leaked ughhhhhh:
I’M LOVING ALL OF THESE PICS CAUSE TAY HAS SUCH A FAKE ASS SMILE ON HER FACE AND HER FANS MOSTLY LOOK LIKE TEENS HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA (ALSO, LOVE THE SNAKE RING CAUSE SHE CONFIRMED ONCE AGAIN THAT SHE’S IN FACT THE FEMALE LORD VOLDEMORT)
On October 14th, Tay called the paps to take pics of her shooting her new music video:
OH DEAR IS SHE SHOOTING ANOTHER 22 ESQUE VIDEO, BECAUSE WE ALL REMEMBER THAT NIGHTMARE
On October 17th, Tay released yet another behind the scenes video from LWYMMD (She can give it a rest now?)
SHE’S LITERALLY RELEASING THE SAME VIDEO OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On October 18th, Lord Voldemort let her dumbass death eater in training fans into her Rhode Island coven so that she could promote Reputation:
IS IT JUST ME, OR DID HER FANS AGE DECREASINGLY FROM HER LONDON FANS PICS?
On October 19th, Tay released her 3rd single from Reputation titled Gorgeous ew:
DID SHE REALLY RIP OFF THE BABY CRYING FROM JAY-Z’S GLORY?
AND, PEOPLE CALL THIS BITCH ORIGINAL SMH
The song also sounds a bit like I Can’t Stand The Rain By Tina Turner:
THIS BITCH ACTUALLY THINKS SHE’S BETTER THAN TINA TURNER WOW
After she released that terrible single, one of her fans put this on Tumblr and Twitter:
SERIOUSLY, IF ANY OF YOU GUYS AREN’T SUSPECTING HER “RELATIONSHIPS” NOR HER SEXUALITY AT THIS POINT, THEN I RECOMMEND SEEING A THERAPIST, BECAUSE IDK WHAT TO TELL U GUYS ANYMORE
Also, I love how the song is supposed to be about Joe (According to Tay’s delusional mind), but let’s talk about these lyrics:
And you should think about the consequence
Of you touching my hand in the darkened room
These lyrics feel like it adheres to a forbidden relationship, like one that isn’t supposed to be out and public. Also, I love that she puts you touching my hand in the darkened room, because it bring me back to these photos from 2014.
Also, this lyric:
Ocean blue eyes looking in mine
On October 20th, to make people believe in her fauxlationship, Tay and Tree wrote this fanfic story about Tay and Joe’s fauxlationship:
Taylor Swift has reportedly been showing off her cooking skills for boyfriend Joe Alwyn!
The 27-year-old songstress and the 26-year-old British actor are “very much in love” with each other and enjoying their low-key romance, according to Us Weekly.
“They have quite a low-key relationship, which Taylor likes,” a source reported. “It’s very normal, and no one really knows about it right now. They just work out, watch movies together and invite friends over. Taylor loves to cook and bake for him. They are still taking it slow.”
Joe is “supportive of her career choices,” the insider added. “She’s very happy.”
Taylor and Joe first sparked romance rumors back in May, and fans think both of her new songs – “Gorgeous” and “…Ready For It?” – are likely about him.
THEY HAVE QUITE A LOW KEY “RELATIONSHIP” HUH
That’s it for this post. Gosh, I think this is my longest post I’ve ever written, thanks Lord Voldemort. But, this is just the beginning folks, cause Reputation is coming out next month ughhhhhh. I will be reporting all over that awful album, don’t worry ladies and gentlemen. Moreover, I still can’t believe there are actual dumbasses who are still buying what Tay is selling. Like, people it’s so fucking obvious at this point. Heck, even if you do think she’s straight (IDK, how people still believe that shit either, but oh well), you have to admit that her “relationships” are shady as hell. But, gosh I was so fucking frustrated throughout this entire post, because it’s pretty scary that you guys are still buying what these celebs are selling, especially after the Harvey Weinstein scandal. Like guys, Hollywood is fake as hell and I’m so glad it’s getting even more exposed now and I hope even more dark secrets come out about that sick town. Well, that’s all folks! I’m leaving now, but I will be back to report about Lord Voldemort and her death eater adventures sooner than you think!! Also, thank you guys for all of the messages you guys have been sending me on Tumblr, I’ve been loving your feedback!! Bye my beautiful and amazing readers!!